The autism social rule book.

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We 'think' NTs are judging us... when in fact we are the ones who are judging them (to be judging us).

Oh....then why do I get odd looks in the street all the time?

Because they ARE judging you.

not all of them will be judging you in a bad way though.

lets say for example that you want to buy a soda but you don't have enough money. so you ask your (lets say) sister for some money. if she says no then do not debate and find another drink around (like water maybe).

HOWEVER if she says yes then you may use the cash she gives to you to buy your soda but you must also share it with her.

if her friend is also near and he wants some of your soda tell him that he/she must ask your sister since she gave you the money to buy the soda....or you can just share it with her friend.

you can also use this method with other things. feel free to make any improvements in this rule if you like.

When on the phone and your in public, be vague yet relevant to your conversation. Cause you dont really want people to know what your discussing.

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Yeah agree, its often inevitable for people to not make some sorta judgement about others unless your mostly oblivious. In a way aspies can be so they might make no judgement on certain people. But as we see on here, most aspies judge quite frequently. I think its more like, dont automatically assume the negative, give them the benefit of the doubt at first. If their continuously a douche towards you then you can judge.

yeah mostly agree. People don't get aspergers but the world hates autism anyways especially with all the autism speaks messages. I feel where often in very compromising positions where one way or another, we're always gonna be wrong. Cause aspergers is invisible, people dont get it and often dont care. If your not following the social rules, it sucks for you. Not that most NTs want to think that way but aspergers is difficult to understand. I feel if most NTs understood aspergers, things would be a lot different.

See I work at the supermarket. Another employee their, I suspect has autism and most of the people their are very nice and understanding towards him. He has constant job coaches on the job with him and people will eagerly try to make conversation with him. He has clear speech delays, so its very obvious. But me, Im aspergers and I think people mostly thought I was very rude at first. Things have been improving and my co-workers are nicer to me now but its waaay different. The customers, co-workers impression of me is waaay different. Im expected to be fully competent on the job with very little support. He on the otherhand has tremendous support with not very high expectations. In fact I think most of the NTs around their think its amazing how much he can actually do and how well he's been trained.

So my point being, NTs view aspies has just odd individuals, our disability is invisible.

The world doesn't know anything about Autism. That's why Rainman set us back YEARS. I personally object to using the terms "Asperger Disorder"/"Disease"/ or even "Syndrom", opting instead to use the more neutral word "Asperger's Condition" or just "Asperger's".

When at a restaurant with a friend, do not order the most expensive thing on the menu...no matter how good it looks.

That's only bad if your friend is the one paying for it.

Confidence is the magic key. As long as you show confidence in your body language, you will get given more chance to make friends, even if you are mute from being so shy.

I've just started a new voluntary job, and I feel very shy and socially nervous there (I have Social Phobia, self-diagnosed, but definately co-morbid to the AS I also suffer with), I still put on a confident front. Well, I have actually taught myself to be like this. I just get on with my work. I try not to think too much because too much thinking can cause more anxiety and hesitation. So I've also learnt to shut off all my word-thinking, and just concentrate on picture-thinking. Thinking in pictures is much less overwhelming than thinking in words, because usually when I think in words it's mostly my conscience doing all the thinking for me, which is where my Social Phobia comes from, because of too many irrational thoughts. So I'm trying my hardest to shut down my word-thinking, and just use it when I need to. Having a clear mind allows me to bring out more confidence on the outside, and showing a confident expression. So at my new voluntary job, I try not to say too much (because usually stupid things come out before I've gotten to know the person, and so then they're judging me before I've even let myself get to know them). So by being excessively shy, I can make myself out to just be a shy NT (because I don't stim or anything), and I just get on with my work without worrying too much about what other people are thinking. People can sense social fear, and so the less thinking I do, the less phobic expressions I give off. It's worked with dogs. When I was a child I was so afraid of dogs, and people always told me that dogs can sense fear, which is why they used to run after me all the time and jump up at me, so when I got in my early teens I suddenly stopped myself from being so afraid of them by telling myself that most dogs don't bite or attack, and so to this day it's been rare to have a dog jumping up at me because I've been able to walk past without showing any fear. So it's kind of working with people too. I'm testing it at this new voluntary job, and it's starting to work already.

Sorry this may seem a bit long and complicated to comprehend, but for those extrovert Aspies like myself who like to have friends and who like people, this is quite good advice for you. It can take a lot of work, so if you're really not too bothered about fitting in then don't try it. It'd just mess up your frame of mind. But if you really want to fit in well and be part of a team (you don't have to be popular but being generally liked and ''part of the crowd'' is good enough), you'd better get started now! Don't concentrate too hard on the social mistakes. This is what I've been doing too much throughout my life. Just concentrate more on what has just impressed the other person, and keep to that. Observing other people's behaviour too really works.

I don't like this idea. It may work for a little while in elementary school and middle school, but by the time you get to high school and beyond, people's egos get smaller, and you don't need to appease them. As people get older, they tend to respect people who are really good at something they are not good at. When people need help in any subject, they generally go to an expert in that subject for help. If they think you're dumb, or if they think you're just average, that's gonna suck. You'll feel like you're not getting the credit you deserve, and I sure don't like that feeling.

And anyway, if you make friends by lying about test grades and giving wrong answers in class, and your friends find out the truth, they're going to feel angry and betrayed and they will not want to be friends with you anymore. And they will tell other people not to befriend you.

Most people are hyper-sensitive to criticism. If you notice something bad about someone else, don't mention it to him or her unless you have to. And if you have to, try and frame in a way that is a gentle and positive is possible.

Don't do gay things (not as in homosexuality) like putting all over Facebook things like ''[name] is a good mate'' - it just freaks people out (would me too). There are exceptions, for example, say if you and a really good friend who really likes you a lot had spent a whole day and night together and had a really good time and made eachother laugh and just enjoyed eachother's company, and then the next day you wrote ''[name] is a good mate''. That is OK. But if you just suddenly put it out of the blue, especially about some random friend who you're not that close to, they will probably get freaked out (I can't say I blame them). Even though the words are nice, but sometimes saying too much nice things all the time just makes you look a bit clingy, type of thing. Maybe older people will be complimented, but an NT teenager might think, ''get away from me!''

I'm hypersensitive to criticism but no NT takes much notice of that.

Quick question, is Essex really the only way?