100 Ways to Annoy Somebody With Asperger's Syndrome

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I guess we stopped trying to count them a while ago.

--Talk on your cell phone in a public bathroom with no regard for anyone else who might be in there to, you know, use the bathroom (Aspie or not).

--Vocalize your bowel movements in said bathroom.

--Get drunk, make noise, and humiliate yourself on public transportation when the person with ASD has to sit next to you.

--Frequently schedule events on specific dates only to postpone or cancel them on short notice. (It may come as a relief that they don't have to be there after all, but they can't get back the time they spent stressing out and planning to be there...)

--Agree that you will meet the person with ASD somewhere at a specific time. Then arrive an hour late and act upset or uncaring when they point it out. Or if they just gave up on you and left, get upset about that.

--Send them a sharply worded text message about an urgent matter as if the world will end if they don't reply immediately. Then when they do reply, take forever to get back to them.

Good one!

Do your best to put a bratty kid in an Aspie's personal space.

Tell the Aspie to 'sshh' or 'grow up' when having a panic attack or meltdown.

Only use facial expressions when you have a "conversation" with them. Make sure you're reacting to something you're both witnessing. End that "discussion" when they make the wrong expression, or their thoughts and feelings no longer seem to be the same as yours.

It's very hard for me to maintain those things

Tell them they are not "emphatic".

People with Asperger's can't work.

People with Aspergers have a high IQ.

People with Aspergers are good with math and then ask you to do calculations for them in your head.

You seem normal to me.

What is Aspergers? I've never heard of that. Is it terminal?

I personally don't tell people I have Aspergers because of the stupid response I get. I just tell them I have mild Autism or High Functioning Autism. When I tell them this they get really quite and most of the time say nothing. Who knows what there thinking... I really don't care anymore. I am who I am. I'm different and I would not want it any other way.

Be paternalistic and speak for us - "on our behalf" - and pretend you are acting in our interest by doing this.

If the aspie is a female, insist they come with you when you go shopping for shoes, clothing or makeup.

If the female aspie tells you she is not interested in shopping for the above mentioned things, react as if she is the strangest human being the world or assume she's a huge tomboy or even a lesbian.

During gift-giving holidays, buy the female aspie lots of cosmetics and hygiene supplies, preferably really oily, creamy, heavily scented ones.

When the aspie is watching TV, always sit very close next to them, talk about everything happening on the program, and do very loud, very bad impersonations of the characters or actors. Do it repeatedly. Then, if the aspie turns of the TV because they can't stand it anymore, tell them how rude and selfish they are.

Always interrupt the aspie while he or she is in the middle of one of her hobbies and/or or special interests and expect her to drop everything immediately and do what you have told them.

When an aspie asks something like "When is dinner?", or "What time will you be over?" always answer them vaguely, such as "Soon", or "Later". Do not give them at least an estimated number of minutes, hours, or a specific time.

Remind the aspie constantly about their personal cleaning in the same way you remind a three-year old. "Did you brush your teeth? Did you wash your hands? Did you wipe yourself after going to the bathroom?" be certain to say these things when there are other people around so they can also know what a filthy, unsanitary person the aspie is.

Always pretend that only children have Asperger's. Act as if adults with Asperger's don't exist and as if they vanish from the planet once they turn 18. Especially if they are female.

Have the aspie move into a home with at least ten other non-aspie people who are mainly suffering from chronic mental illness, make them share a bedroom with at least one of these people, preferably someone who enjoys playing loud rap music with obscene lyrics all day. Make the aspie get up early every single morning and do chores, even if they are sick or not feeling well, and threaten them with extra and more unpleasant chores if they don't get up. Make them go to bed early every night. Make them eat at the table with all the other residents and be sure to pile on lots of mashed potatoes on their plate, which they will eat a little bit or until it sticks in their throat like glue because there is nothing else to eat. Have the other people smoke indoors around them constantly and refer to any meltdowns or anxiety attacks as "behavioral outbursts". Let the other residents get away with behavior the aspie can't, because the other residents "have an illness". And when the aspie has become used to or even friendly with certain staff or residents, have them moved to a different home and bring in new people and make sure the aspie never gets to see the old ones again. Changing everything constantly is necessary in order to make the aspie miserable and eventually be hospitalized.

That sounds like my daily existence...

#473: Restart the numbering on a list in a way that is obvious incorrect

#474: When they ask for advice for making friends, tell them to simply "stop being a monster"

#475: Tell them they can't participate in their interest without other people joining in/watching.

Someone's probably already said it, but it's worth repeating...

Tell an Aspie "I know exactly how you feel."

If you invite the aspie over to a party or a dance, always, always , ALWAYS play all the songs they really hate so loudly they can't even hear themselves when they talk. If a DJ is at the party, feedback loop from a microphone is a must. The high screeching sound is sure to make what is left of the aspie's hearing and sanity go out the window. Make sure there is no food or bring it out only at random times. Don't worry about serving only bland or boring food because the aspie will eat if since there is absolutely nothing else to do. Make sure the DJ ignores any song requests from the aspie. Make sure whoever is hosting the party doesn't respond to any questions at all until the aspie has asked them at least five times, which is likely due to the fact that everyone is deaf from the music and feedback from the mic but only the aspie will complain because, as everyone knows, they are jerks. If the aspie has come without a date - and nearly all the time they don't - play lots of romantic slow dance music. Once in a while play music the aspie likes but no one else so he or she will be the only one dancing and look like a complete loser. Ignore any signs of boredom and/or restlessness the aspie is showing, like frequent wandering around the building or staring vacantly at decorations. Doing all this should make the aspie wonder why they came in the first place and then tell themselves it's because they would have been stuck in the apartment surfing the internet like they do do every other night, which is what only losers do.

Excellent post topic...

Speak about an Aspie in the third person, inserting words in their mouth.

Gossip ABOUT an Aspie without bothering to speak TO them.

And I will think of many more to add later.

Yeah, my pet hate. I have violently beaten people up pretty bad (in school, luckily I'm only 14 so I don't have the police involved like an adult would) for continuously teasing me about one of my strongest interests, fish, fishing, and aquariums. Most NT kids at school know that I have, according to them, an obsession with fish, so they stir me up a great deal about it. They are simply just one of my favourite animals (everyone has a favourite) that I research in depth. The fact that I know the latin names for most of my favourite species weirds them out. I have had a lot of kids suggest, to both me, and others when I am deliberately in earshot, that I have 'certain unnatural relationships' with fish, although use a lot cruder wording, which sets me right off, and I am barely in control of my anger, sometimes I'm not at all. Which is not a smart thing for them to do, combining the two facts that I have extreme anger that I can't usually control, and I have a considerable physical advantage of most people I know (my age or not). I try to control it, but with great difficulty.

Sounds like more like a woman than a number

Sounds like a dark, deeply disturbing nightmare