WHY DOES SHE GET SYMPATHY!?!

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Sorry, I didn't really explain that very well.

I guess I have a problem with some people trying to have their cake & eat it too. Should people with disabilities get treated like everyone else or in some situations should they be given special consideration and understanding?

On one hand we have some here saying, "Why point out that the kid is autistic? Treat him like everyone else."

On the other hand, if the general population were to treat him like "everyone else" then they're going to look at him as just a bratty kid who's parents let him get away with whatever he wants.

Just for the record, I'm the parent of a child that is borderline AS (but undxd), the husband of a woman who has been dxd w/AS & the step parent of another grown child who definetely has AS (but is undxd).

I do believe that people w/disabilities should receive special consideration in our society. But society has to know they have the disability before they can respond appropriately, otherwise all they think they're dealing with is an a hole (adult) or brat (child).

Stimming is harmless, however we all need to be respectful of others. If the behaviour was irritating to other people (and it probably was) then yes, the mother was right in trying to stop it.

Should the surrounding people have spoke up if the stimming was irritating? Sure. But they were probably too polite to do so. Do not confuse being diplomatic or polite with approving of a behaviour.

And no, there was nothing wrong w/the older woman feeling sorry for the parents and child. She was simply expressing sympathy for the family having to deal w/difficult situations on a daily basis. This forum is a testament to all of the hardships people w/AS & autism face in life. You're right. There's "nothing wrong" nor no shame in being autistic. But it sure can make life difficult for the person that has it & their family.

But tapping isn't all that disruptive.

@Janissy: thanks for that explanation.

I have seen NT kids do worse than tapping or stimming in the store where I work. I have seen parents leave their kids unsupervised in the store, and the kids wreak havoc by climbing on the shelves and displays and screaming.One kid was climbing around in the meat area and smacked her face on a freezer.She ended up screaming and only when I the parent realized that a few of us store clerks were standing there, he scooped up the kid and walked away.Alot of times, kids would play with the toys in the store and leave them in various parts of the store and Id have to pick up after them.


Oh well, at least I get paid to be there.

It's not about whether autism is an excuse, it's about the mother receiving sympathy for having an autistic child.

Not quite sure I get where you're coming from. It would be normal for someone to feel sorry for a parent who had an overly tired or cranky child. It would be normal for someone to feel sympathy for having to deal with a uncomfortable situation in public. These are normal, humane human feelings. Why would it be bad for someone to have sympathy for someone that has to deal w/a special needs child in a public setting? Would you rather she say, "Hey, I don't care what your problem is lady, keep your kid under control!"?

As I posted earlier;

"Should people with disabilities get treated like everyone else or in some situations should they be given special consideration and understanding?

On one hand we have some here saying, "Why point out that the kid is autistic? Treat him like everyone else."

On the other hand, if the general population were to treat him like "everyone else" then they're going to look at him as just a bratty kid who's parents let him get away with whatever he wants."

I'm an aspie, a parent, and I have aspie children! Ok for what it's worth, here's my take on it. Some parents have kids cause it's an accident, some have kids cause they want the social status, (just look at all the bragging that goes on about dance classes and sports), and then some become parents cause they really want to have fun with a new developing personality. I'm sure there are lots more reasons but I had my kids cause I was just having barrels of fun! I had two "NT" children and two that are aspie and we ALL would discuss proper behaviour in social situations, whether that be a church, a movie, the store, or school. If we were in a fast food place and one child tapped on the register, I would have said, "that's not appropriate behaviour. Please stop". End of discussion and I don't care if it annoys anybody cause no one is perfect and as a child they made mistakes too! At home they could be as wild as they wanted within reason but the bottom line is that for any child to behave, you need to give them guidelines to go by and a phrase they can relate to! For that mother to immediately say "he's autistic" was for her benefit alone. That garnered her sympathy, (the all suffering mother), and it embarrassed the child. Mean spirited. And I say a pox on parents who have kids and don't put their needs first! Nobody guarantees that the child you get is going to be president or a brain surgeon. Deal with it. I'm just pleased as punch that my kids are loving gentle people that bring constant joy to my life on a daily basis.

I will bring up my child's autism, usually around friends, when they get on me about the way I parent. I don't know if this is Aspie related to everyone or just the people in my family, but none of the Aspies in my family appreciate correction and structured discipline. It never worked on me, so I don't expect it to work with my kids. The way I look at it is no person is perfect, and every kid has their day that they misbehave, and the majority of the strangers think my kids are well behaved as opposed to the other way around, so I must be doing something right. I tell my friends that, but it just doesn't sink in. I suppose it's because I'm aspie, and because of that, I never know what I'm talking about, according to them. That's why I am constantly saying "I told you" when relevant because I hope someday it gets as annoying to them to hear as it is for me to say it that they might just start listening to me better. Most of my problems that I have with my kids are because I had once followed their lousy advice. Being that I don't like being told what to do to begin with, this just kinda makes it worse. But I'm not saying it to embarrass my children (they are both incredibly young). I don't think anyone should be embarrassed to be autistic. I tell people I have a mild autism a lot, kinda to clarify something. Usually if I mention my children's autism to someone who I barely know, I will also add that she gets it from me with pride.