The autism social rule book.

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Rule # 59 - in conversations about music try not to restrict yourself to your favorite band or genre

Rule # 60 - don't worry about appearing too quiet amongst a group of people. the occasional raising of the eyebrows, smile or eye contact will usually suffice. This can even replace verbal greetings in some situations

61. when you are in a group stand physically in amongst them, i was forever always standing back outside and even if you dont say anything it can really help. standing back really makes you stand out badly

1. Dont expect anything from anyone.

2.Watch your back, their are killers and robbers out there.

3.Dont trust anyone, and dont tell people that you dont trust anyone.

4.Work out, get a good body with strength so you can protect yourself and not appear flimsy because then you look socially weak.

5.Speak with base in your voice, speaking quietly = a look of weakness, depression, inhibition, autism, sadness, fear, uncertainty.

6.While you are suffering- always strive towards a career goal, at all times or many hours of the day, so you may have financial freedom.

7.Learn to smile if you cant, im TRYING!

As someone more NT than AS, I have issues with 1 through 5. In some contexts those are appropriate, but not in all, and it feels like reaching the wrong conclusion from selective observation.

For the record, trust is the capital of the NT world. Sure, there are the dog eat dog types out there (avoid as much as possible), but they are outnumbered by those who trade in trust. You can't marry without trust, and you can't be truly happy without trust. Rule number 2 may keep you from getting hurt, but it will also keep you from truly living. Still, I can see how it becomes a defensive reaction for someone who can't tell who is worth trusting and who isn't, and who has been hurt by making the wrong assumptions. NT's have a system for it that AS have a more difficult time learning.

Your number 6 I have mixed feelings about it, but I think you pegged it. I've always done that myself; "success is the best revenge." Just, well, something about the concept makes me kind of sad ... I wonder why that is?

Here are my rules : )

Rule #62 - Be conscious of your listener's feelings. Consider who it is and the appropriateness of the subject matter discussed. Do not ramble on about something you know or should know the listener has no interest in. Just imagine being stuck listening to someone talk non-stop for 5 mins about something you have no interest in whatsoever - you don't want to hear it!

Rule #63 - Be socially reciprocal. For example, if someone asks you something ("how was your day today"?), of course respond, but don't just give a one or two word answer, and let that be the end of the conversation. Try and keep things flowing. Ask that person a question back (... "so about you; how has your day been"?)- when you get an answer, give your thoughts on it, and then ask another question. Let the conversation flow from there.

Rule #64 - Use body language. Don't just look like a stiff, emotionless person. Smile when you have to; nod your head when acknowledging something; give eye contact, etc.

The following rules are made according to my experience and theory

In conversation

63. Talk as much as you can but if the listeners show signs of wanting to response, let them talk

64. Note the response of the listeners and find points of interest (not saying anything that make you interesting but anything that can extend to another topic), and extend topic from it. (eg: AS: "Hi How are you?", NT: "Great, just stay in home for the whole weekend playing Assassin Creed(points of interest)" "Assassin Creed? I am playing it as well! Where are you up to......") Its also the reason for the above rule: a long, extended conversation may provide many points of interest for the listeners to extend the conversation

65. Usually a point of interest may lead to a different topic. So always prepare to give up what you are going to say for the previous topics, or say it when the current topics become boring (usually showed by running out of words or repeated words of the current topic) but notice that it may follows by another change of topic

66. Sustain the changed topics until new points of interest are found

67. Truth is NOT important in most conversation beside serious academic discussions. Exaggerations can smooth or even make the conversation more funny

68. Some points of interest can be make into jokes, which bring life into a boring conversation or to soften a topic of tension. Just remember it shouldn't bring serious offend to anyone (eg. "No! the Soviets have bigger guns than the Nazis!" "Well, not bigger than my "gun"")

69. The current topic should cease when the listener showed signs of uninterested (short responses or turn their head to other matter). Try to make a completely new topic and see their reaction, if their uninterested persisted the conversation should cease

70. While one should always be active in speaking, be passive in working environment. I myself was fired once just because of "always talking"

In thinking:

71. Always remember: Human run accord to what is better for them, so any social interaction with NTs should put into consideration that would it be in their benefit/ comfort/ happiness. (eg. would such conversation make them enjoy?)

72. Nobody can read mind. Nobody know what each other is thinking. People talk to you with an angry face MAY because he is having a bad day; MAYBE he is suffering a stomach arch; or MAYBE he really hate you, but face it, in the end you just don't know what is in their head, so stop unnecessary guessing which only depress you or make you misjudge.

73. When you are responded unfavorably, don't think of why (reason), but think of what to do now (result) immediately. Alway place result before reason, for result is what determined outcome.

74. Human is always changing. One day they are angry, and the next day they are happy. Therefore don't determine all your future interactions with but impressions in a day or two

75. But if you received unfavorable response continually from the same person, they should not to be further interacted with. I am not saying that YOU KNOW IN THEIR MIND that they hate you, but just that the interaction with them is unbenefical for me and accord to rule 73, you should make a better result

In making friends

76. If you failed in an social interaction with someone, WITHDRAW AND GO FOR OTHER. Don't waste efforts into just one person who would be difficult to interact anyway. Always make friends with multiple, not single, persons, so that if you suffer problems with one of your friends, you still have other friends. There are also always more supports from a number of friends than just one friend

most NT's dont like to debate for fun...they usually get too personally involved

if someone wants to debate a taboo subject and you dont want to, dont say, " I wont fight a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent".
instead, gently change the subject. They will get the hint even if you would not under the same situation.

If you ask a question more than 2 times...the n/t does not want to answer...change topic

if you want to be liked, dont try to act like other people or try to be what they want you to be. You will lose yourself in the process and still be unpopular. Instead, be brazenly yourself...people like origionality even if they dont seem to.

Especially useful when working in fast-food restaurants....

A few of my rules:

When in a debate or argument with someone, if you feel you're point is not being heard, simply agree and find somewhere to calm down

When speaking with someone, make eye contact for three seconds, even if you feel uncomfortable doing so. This lets them know that you are engaged with them and listening.

If you're about to say something, think, does this have relevance to the topic at all. If it's a joke, think to yourself, would anyone other than me think this is funny.

If someone is making fun of you, simply laugh it off. If you have a good sense of humor and they do as well, poke a little fun at them too! If you're not so comfortable in doing so, simply ignore it.

If you feel uncomfortable at say, a restaurant because of possibly being socially overwhelmed, excuse yourself to go use to the bathroom, even if you don't have to, splash some water on your face, and take a couple deep breaths. When you feel calmed down, head back out there. If it happens again, do the same. If they ask why you're using the restroom so much, just laugh a little stating you probably had too much coffee.

That would be a rule book worth having!

77. Always take a notepad with you if you are having a face-to-face with a client and have eye contact issues. Appearing to take notes gives you a good excuse to look away while listening. (I have problems processing info and looking at someone while they are talking. NTs tend to think that if you're not looking at them, you're not paying attention. Appearing to be taking notes on what they're saying resolves issues for both sides).

78. When trying to get a problem fixed or trying to make a point with someone you disagree with, don't insult them or put them on the defensive. They can't or won't listen to you anymore after that.

79.

When talking on the phone and the other part is telling a long story, and you just need to listen, hm and oh a little here and there. Otherwise the one talking will think the silence means the connection is lost. The one not doing the humming to me is said not to be on the spectrum (although he is), and it's really annoying. When someone tells me something I make sure I comment a little here and there to prove I'm still there. (Unless you have some kind of phone service that actually alerts you if the call is lost.)

80.

If you can't conform it's always better to be a lot different than to be a little different. Being more different makes a statement that you are an individual that won't try to please the masses. Trying to fit in like wear what you don't like and listen to music you don't like will only make you look weak. People will spot that you're different anyway. You will gain more respect being yourself without shame.

81.

With returning questions that you never know how to answer, try asking other people and see what kind of answers they give. Things I had no idea how to answer (like in chat) was "What's up?", "How is it in (your country)?", "Who are you?", "What do you do?".

EXCELLENT advice!

82. Rhetorical questions are NOT supposed to be answered (a LOT of people ask rhetorical questions)

83. Try to avoid giving one-word answers to questions (even when a one-word answer is all that is needed) it is considered rude

84. If an NT gives you a one word answer to a question, he or she does not want to continue the conversation or doesn't like you and so if you try to persist with the 'conversation' you do so at your peril

85. The Spanish Inquisition

86. Don't blurt out something from Monty Python when trying to make a serious point in a serious thread

87. The Spanish Inquisition