Do you want to be 'cured' of Asperger's Syndrome?

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Hey, you're the one who seems to be working on the assumption that all these things you dislike about yourself would just melt away if not for your ASD. I assure you, your difficulty with them stems from other issues - let's face it, if everybody were a musician or a computer genius, Brian May and Bill Gates would be regular working stiffs.

Instead, you'd adopt the common coping mechanism among the NTs of my acquaintance - that is, of dismissing any skills you do not personally possess as "unimportant". The only reason you stress about them now is because you feel they're important. I used to feel this way, as well, until playing music games on my XBox revealed to me that my talent as a musician ranks somewhere above that of a turnip, but somewhere below a chimpanzee with a tin ear. And my physicality is perhaps best described as "not". I will never learn to play a musical instrument, I will never be athletic in any way whatsoever, I will never create the killer-app killer app - but what I can do (mow the lawn, paint my room, care for my children, repair pre-2000 automobiles, similar mundanities) I will do to the very best of my ability, and I will take pride in that.

Find what you do well. Find pride in doing it well, and worry not about whether someone else is better - someone else is always better. Learn that you are a valid, valuable human being, accept yourself for who you are, and if anyone else disagrees with you, ignore them - their opinion isn't what's important; life is too short to live it for the pleasure of the rest of the world.

Hell, if you enjoy doing something but don't do it well, do it anyway! My singing voice is acceptable at best (some mornings, I sound more like a frog with laryngitis), but I don't let that stop me from putting on my headphones and singing along with my iPod as I do the dishes...

Yes. I see having AS is equal to having cancer or being HIV positive.

DeaconBlues wrote:

Perhaps I didn't make myself clear enough, but I can assure you i'm not working on that assumption. First of all...i've never been OFFICIALLY dxed with an ASD. Rather, i've been unofficially dxed with NLD/NVLD (which isn't a formal dx in the first place) and thus, officially dxed with either LD-NOS or Mathematics Disorder. Actually I received no learning disorder dx at all on my second-to-last neuropsych eval/IQ test. I suppose this is because that neuropsych felt both my VIQ and PIQ were too high and the gap between them (in favor of VIQ) was more or less irrelevant.


In fact....i'm not disagreeing with you here at all really. I have believed for quite some time that the issues i've been referring to probably aren't related to NVLD/AS. I say this because most people with NLD/AS don't seem to exhibit them or if they do, they don't seem to be nearly as severely affected. Perhaps the NVLD characteristics are merely the tip of a neurological iceberg in my case. That is.....maybe they are the only thing which can be detected via the conventional neuropsychological/IQ tests. Or maybe I just happen to have NLD and other issues which have absolutely nothing to do with it. Or maybe i've just exaggerated, or even, wholly imagined (many of my psychologists and others seem to believe i've exaggerated these issues at least) these issues and i'm just a fairly typical NLD-er. Or maybe a million things...nobody seems to know for certain...including all the neuropsychologists who've tested me. This much is clear based upon the comments (all of which I posted ) the neuropsych who recently tested me made.

It's funny you mentioned Brian May as i've always admired his style of playing and his sound. I'm not the biggest fan of Queen, but May has always amazed me nonetheless.



These are the NTs of your ACQUAINTANCE however and I know a few like that myself. I can assure you they're hardly all like that though. I know many who lack one or more given skills who find them very important and the fact that they lack them has caused them considerable distress. While I can't say I have a passion for things like math or fixing things, I DO find them quite important. For one thing, I feel mastering them would do wonders for my own self-perception. They would present an enormous challenge for me that it would be nice if I could overcome. Furthermore, they're pretty important skills to have in life in general and they often serve as a means to many ends. For one example, there's not too many things you can major in which might lead to a well-paying career which don't require at least SOME higher math courses like college algebra and statistics/probability.



All I can say is after 40 years, I haven't found ONE thing that i'm good at. There are some things i'm relatively better at than others (like i'm better at writing than I am at math), but there's always a "this far and no further" aspect to everything for me, even the things I do best. I attribute ALL of this to cognitive/neurological problems (particularily with memory...semantic and procedural memory to be exact and that's all I care to mention here in terms of the specifics of these memory problems I believe I have) which have yet to be objectively determined.


In short...the usual NLD/AS-related problems (the social deficits, the sensory issues, executive functioning problems, etc...) don't really trouble me at all in comparison. They are not an untrammeled joy, but they are quite tolerable as far as i'm concerned.





This is the standard advice everyone offers me. While it's not without merit or unappreciated, it just doesn't seem to work for me regardless of how much I tell myself it should. I have always had certain expectations out of myself and life in general. I believe if these expectations cannot be met, then life is simply not worth living. I only continue to live it because of whatever fool's hope I have (very little at this age I can assure you) and because my self-preservation instinct is obviously too intact to allow me to commit suicide. I am essentially indifferent to the praise or criticism of others and considering I was dxed with schizoid personality disorder, that in itself is not too unusual. IOW....other's opinions of me isn't the issue here and the world external to myself concerns me very little.




I can't say I "enjoy" much of anything right now, including things I used to be passionate about. I just do the things I must do, do them grudgingly and nothing else. Depression has robbed me of any capacity to feel joy or pleasure. I am about as anhedonic as a person can be I think. I've tried medications, i've tried exercise, i've tried a combination of both and nothing seems to alleviate this depression/anhedonia. I can't afford any alternative treatments (which may not be effective in the first place) like ECT or deep-brain stimulation, so for now, i'm stuck with the depression.

So considering all this... what will I do to improve my life and become a happier person? I honestly don't know at this point....I honestly don't know if I CAN do anything no matter how much I want to and try to. This doesn't mean that i'll giving up trying (for one thing...i'm planning to go back to college in Jan), but I can't say i'm hopeful about anything all things considered. That just may be the reality of life for some of us. Some of us will never "win" or be happy no matter how hard we try and no matter how much we want to.

Well...in my particular case (which I have described as much as I care to in this thread), this would still be an apples-to-oranges comparison. Cancer/AIDS would represent the ultimate (or close enough to it) in physical pain and suffering. My own pain and suffering is the ultimate (or again....close enough to it) in psychic/mental pain and suffering.

Still...as i've tried to make clear in this thread...my own neurologically-based problems seem to go infinitely beyond the ones usually associated with AS/NVLD. The AS/NVLD-related issues I do manifest are quite easy to deal with in comparison and I don't even know if i'd take a cure for them in and of themselves. There's something about being asocial, austere, solitary, humorless, asexual, etc....that I find quite appealing actually. Leaving aside his "evil" characteristics, i've always believed the Saruman character from the Lord of the Rings had the ideal personality. Coupled with his intellect, I can think of few figures (fictional or otherwise) i'd want to emulate more.

For me, I have actually managed my AS decently well - but the hardest time was when I was growing up and adulthood. My parents sheltered me and I feel even to this day I'm still socially and mentally handicapped. I want to do everything an NT is able to - have their circle of friends, have relationships, not be seen as a "weirdo". It's just 100x harder for me to do. If I could do back in time and hit the reset switch in every chapter of my life I most certainly will. People tell me to move forward, but the pain I endured makes it too difficult. I've jumped in front of a bus in a thwarted suicide attempt in high school - even though it's a permanent solution, AS/autism is a permanent problem. And being Asian adds injury to insult.

Damn do I ever feel your pain (being asian and all) except I would never have the guts to throw myself infront of a bus (what a messy way to go).

But like you, I also had overprotective parents which really sucked cuz whenever I did achieve those rare social and friends oppurtunities on my own and got invited to parties and such...my parents would about 95% say "no" to them. But my mom would often force my older sister to take me with her on some social outings with her friends. It mustve been embarassing for her and I didnt even want to half of the things she and her friends went to.

It was that or being fricasseed by the 600V AC 3rd rail on the BART tracks.

Anyways, I'm glad to see I'm not alone here. Maybe I'll drop a PM by you.

I most certainly would....I would love to be "normal".

I dream of having friends, falling in love, not being looked on like a creep. I feel there are so many things in life I have missed out on because my brain sucks. Any "benefit" to AS is greatly out-weighed by the negatives.

I wish I could take a pill and make it all go away.

ok then, there are no smart NT's. Aspies are way smarter.

No

ruveyn

There have been times that I thought that if I were cured of autism, I would be treated better and would feel respected.

I used to blame myself for everything. Now I'm just fed up!

I see the hypocrites. I hear them tell me how I should be, tell me how I should feel, tell me how I should do this and that to be more like them. Then I see them talking mean behind someone's back and smiling to their faces leading the poor people onto believe the person really likes them. Then I see every thing that the people told me to be more like as something that they also lack in. Grow up you say? That could apply to you too! Just look at you little hypocrite! I'm not allowed to get upset over the same things you've been upset before?

I'm not allowed to vent? Oh but you sure do vent over the same matters too! Learn your codes? HELL NO.

Give me some positive reasons why I should be like you without the fake smile and backing it up with actions that provide evidence that your mindset and your approach is the best and can you do it without manipulating? Well can you? If not, you've provided no valid reason as to why you are any better so no thank you.

Being different does not mean you must tolerate being belittled, treated negatively, put down or told what you are allowed to be like or feel.

If you don't like my quirky mannerisms well I don't care much for yours either! BITE ME!

Congratulations!

"You have taken your first steps into a larger world." - Obi-wan Kenobi

Do I want to be cured? Hell yes!

Autism and IQ are two different things so if I were cured, I would still be the same guy I am now only I would also be able to look people in the eyes, smile, trust other people, feel empathy and be capable of falling in love - things I can't do as an aspie - I can only fake them.

I don't wish for a cure. I'm fine the way that I am. I wouldn't know how to cope, if I suddenly became NT. I'd have a whole new set of problems. If you're going to cure something, cure meat.

I like how most of the people who are against a cure are the ones who would benefit the most from it (or are self-diagnosed, so it's questionable whether or not they have it in the first place).

Anyway, I'd take it. I wish I could be less awkward, and I'm even going to participate in a treatment that's supposed to help with social skills. I haven't built my identity around having Asperger's, so I wouldn't care if I'm not part of some community.

Being NT you will still be looked upon as a lowlife and a creep, just by fewer people.