Verbal Expressions That You Don't Get

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I thought that one meant "back to front". Like the one that goes: "Putting the cart before the horse" ??????

The idea is a kid in a candy store allowed to eat all the sweets. So 'feeling like a kid in a candy store' is about having so much good stuff to choose from that it's very exciting and almost too difficult to know where to start.

And the phrase for when the kid is bent-double groaning with a belly-ache is 'Too much of a good thing.'.

I think it is derogatory. So if a subordinate member of a hierachy suggests that the 'boss' is wrong-thinking, the boss says "What's this? The tail wagging the dog! Ha-ha-ha". Which really means shut-up and keep your smart ideas to yourself, I'm the boss around here.

This is the big one really. It happens over and over again. Metaphors and idioms are small fry in comparison.

I guess we have to accept that for a lot of people it is more comforting and useful to be reassured of their similarity to others and their normality, so that they can cease to worry they might be different. So clearly it is meant to be supportive, rather than dissmissive, even if it doesn't seem like that at all.

It's not so different here, where we say 'Oh, me too', it feels better to not be the only one, but what is different is that we also discuss the whats and the whys, rather than just stopping with the platitudes. I find it so hard to see why people would not want to know and understand, but that is the way things seem to be.

The only thing you can do is recognise that you cannot get support from platitudes, and try to either ask for more of what you do need, or look for it elsewhere. At least if you accept that it is not intended to be dismissive of you personally, it might help ease a sense of rejection. And pointing out that autism is not like everybody else might get through to others on occasion, because it really is wrong, especially in a therapeutic setting, to be unconcerned about the severity of the issue in question. Dismissing genuine problems and concerns helps no-one.

i always thought it meant something like "eyes bigger than your stomach" (wanting more than you can have), like the kid had fifty cents or was forbidden to eat much candy by his parents but wanted everything.

i confuse all these things - i guess i just interpret them the way they make sense to me. i can't imagine a parent letting a kid have everything in a candy store that he wants! so my first thought when i hear that is the kid is tortured trying to make a decision.

but i'm sure you're both right as i just looked it up and the definition was something like "to be happy and excited about what's around you"

i guess instead of being over literal, i have over-interpreted that one.

Exactly. At the risk of offending anyone with another verbal expression- - "you´ve hit the nail on the head".



It took me a very long time to realize this. I only recently suspected it, until it was then confirmed by katzefrau and her question to the therapist (thanks for that, by the way)!



Another thing occurred to me, after I read this. Sometimes I have the feeling that NTs expect an "answer", or a piece of advice. I tend to have the feeling that if I don´t understand what someone is going through, or if I just don´t know what to say to help them, I just listen. For me, it can be helpful when people "just listen"- I don´t always expect advice....(although if they have some, I´m happy to receive it). The reason I think many people expect some kind of an answer is because for years I had relationship problems when people would tell me what was wrong in their lives, and I didn´t know what to say....(I had assumed just listening was enough). But after awhile, I began to have the feeling that these people expected something from me- what that was, I´m still not sure- but this sort of thing happened time and time again, with the person acting more and more frustrated, and me feeling more and more clueless. So anyway, I don´t know, maybe platitudes help some people? Maybe they´re social "niceties" like how are you- "I am fine"? Well, I don´t like them, and they don´t work for me- but maybe some people "expect" them? I don´t know....just a thought.

And I guess more often than not, people don´t like "uncomfortable" topics of conversation anyway. So they say something like "just think positive!" and change the subject.



I agree!

you're welcome.

the thing is, to really reassure someone you have to know how to speak to them and i think people in our lives should try to figure out what we actually need instead of repeating the same meaningless statements. but sometimes it's hard to figure out what's not working about it. i had to ask because the intention was so far outside of my ability to understand. so i guess my reaction must have been to her, as well.

I think people just expect something that acknowledges that you've heard them. It's even possible that platitudes serve this purpose and aren't meant to be taken literally as advice. Of course, it's almost impossible for me to ever truly appreciate platitudes on an emotional level as it's always going to feel like they miss the mark. I know I have to pretend to appreciate so as not to offend the person but it isn't easy.

When other people talk to me about their concerns I'm also reluctant to give platitudes. The best I can do is to try and give the appropriate acknowledgements "yea, sorry to hear that" and have an empathetic body language and tone of voice. I don't think I'm as natural as a lot of people but I hope people can at least see that I'm genuine. If people want me to be a cheer-leader or give them false reassurance I can't really give them that. I think I value honesty too much. I have trouble treating other people in a way I wouldn't want to be treated.


This may just be a stab in the dark but it's also possible that people are missing the seriousness of your demeanor. A lot of people like to b*tch and moan about frivolous things as a form of bonding. It goes both ways with me. People sometimes think I'm serious when I'm being frivolous and attempting to be humorous or they think I'm being frivolous when I'm dead serious. I think it has to do with me having a flat affect. I think it's easy for people to think we're being frivolous or intentionally exaggerating when they can't relate to our problems.

Another thing I notice is that there are certain kinds of people who just aren't comfortable being serious. I usually end up avoiding these kinds of "friends" when I'm not in a good mood as I really don't know how to deal with them without getting really irritated. With other people it's more a matter of sensing the mood. Sometimes I just know that bringing up problems isn't going to pan out well with certain people at certain times.

I think being literal and over-analysing can be quite closely connected. I seem to alternate between them.

The paradox is that when you do try to interpret, someone will say "You take things too literally." I suspect what they often mean is they were just using a cliche to make conversation, and aren't really sure what they intended.

I thought 'eyes bigger than your belly' meant that kids over-estimate how much they can eat before they get full-up.

And I guess I under-interpreted that one! Whenever somebody mentioned "kid in a candy store", I would just see a kid in a candy store in my head, and I would smell chocolate. And it would stop there. Which maybe, on a subconscious level, meant I actually "got" that one?

You´re right, I have noticed people tend to moan a lot about frivolous things. I pretty much never do this; when I complain, it´s usually about serious stuff that´s really upsetting me. It has happened on several occasions that people were actually surprised when, after complaining about something, I took steps to change the situation- (like quitting a job, or moving to a different place). It was as if people never realized how serious I really was when complaining about that thing! Maybe I do have a flat effect, who knows.....I do definitely notice that I have trouble getting doctors to believe I am actually sick....but, that´s another subject altogether.

I have noticed, though, that people are really uncomfortable with difficult subjects, and tend to use platitudes a lot in those cases. Last year, I went through an incredibly difficult time; there were terrible events in my life, and I think it was obvious to people how miserable I must be. And I never heard so many "try to be positives" as I did last year! In fact, one of the most enlightening and enjoyable books I read at that time was Barbara Ehrenreich´s "Smile or Die". I think I really needed that book, at that time, when I thought I was about to go insane from all these trite platitudes! That´s why I have a real pet peeve about them.....

I think this is true, although I don't know if it's because "uncomfortable" topics are generally unwelcome, or if there is 'a time and a place' for them. Perhaps we need to ask to be taken seriously sometimes. And perhaps the obvious question to ask, when you are being a "listener", is 'How do you feel about that?'
Perhaps that is what they are expecting?

Oh dear, you've mentioned doctors. I have never got anywhere with doctors, or in any other situation where I needed someone else's help. Just mentioning it though, since as you say, that´s another subject altogether.

Maybe it's all relative to the individual involved? That what is frivolous to you can be serious to them and vice versa? As we can only feel our pain and never that of another, that's the way it is.

A whole thread devoted to common idioms of speech (something that most people don't consider for 1 second) - how frivolous is that?

Not frivolous at all. At least not compared to the stuff most people talk about.

What I really meant by frivolous is people on lunch break sitting around complaining about the traffic on the way work, the bad weather, how Starbucks overcharges so much, times they got tickets for getting to their car 5 minutes after the meter expired, etc... Things generally not considered serious or personal. I.e. safe topics. Of course for someone on the spectrum like me something as small as getting a parking ticket can trigger a massive meltdown, especially if other things are going wrong at the same time.

Sometimes people interact in a joking manner about semi-serious issues. The intent is to diminish tension, not to trivialize the problems. Of course people's attempts to diminish tension often fail when used with me. Either they underestimate the seriousness of my distress, falsely believe that their casual response will be humorous to me, or they are being intentionally flippant because they don't believe it's "a big deal". It's the third option that gets on my nerves.

I guess a lot of it depends on individual personalities and the nature of the relationship. Some people will be uncomfortable talking about serious issues until you get to know them better. Others just have a flippant personality and won't really let anyone get close to them. My gut reaction is to label these people a-holes and avoid associating with them any more than I have to, but at the same time I'm often baffled that many of them manage to marry and have supportive friends.