Mild, Moderate or Severe?

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Oh my, a word I have never seen nor read before. What is the meaning of callousness?

My mom says that jokingly. We've had an extremely rocky relationship sense I was very little. Lots of misunderstandings, communication issues, meltdowns ect ect. My mom thinks my problem is that I am selfish & to lazy to try. I know she really cares & worries about me. She's done quite a lot for me over the years that most parents wouldn't do & she still does. I suspect she's like that with me because she's she's extremely frustrated & lost about the whole situation with me. I think she's hoping that I will get the message & start trying more. If she makes things difficult for me living here; I won't like living here as much so I mite be more motivated to try to move out & be more independent. It's NOT helping me at all thou

My mother in turn told me twice that if she happened to die, I'd follow her in like a month because I wouldn't be capable of surviving without her help too. Which is, colloquially speaking, total BS.

As for me, I would describe myself as being somewhere in the area suspended between "moderate" and "mild" when it comes to my symptoms (and low moderate in the field of functioning). It's not about their severity (relatively mild - some of them at least) but about their big amount (moderate to low severe). And yes, I can say that they are disabling to some extent though I don't live on my own yet so I can't estimate to what extent it is so because I'm taken care of by another person (mother), not being forced to fully take care of myself. I admit that if I tried harder, I would deal with my life MUCH better; it's mostly about my laziness, idleness (my severe problem is the one with executive functioning, managing my time). If my mother died, the quality of my life would get much worse. Actually, I happen to think quite often now what it would be like if she died. I often read on boards that someone's parent died very unexpectedly, like of a sudden cardiac arrest or similar reasons. It's my idleness that prevents me from having a better, more independent life. I do hope I'll manage to publish some works of mine in the closest future which will bring me fame and money and independence.

Last edited by Irulan on 07 Sep 2010, 11:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'd probably live without my Mum, because now I live partially on my own. I found a job and I work in my special interest on weekends and I study on the week. But I'm not sure, because she's the only one person who's used to me.
I hope that I'll found a good job in the future, maybe in the same company in full-time.

If your categories were true, I'd be in moderate/severe.
I have a driving licence, but I don't have a car - I don't need it and I feel sick in autos. I generally remember about shopping and eating. I tend to live in chaos, but it's controlled chaos. I know where something is. I'm clean and I wash my clothes pretty often. I like to plan and do things in order. I have self-discipline. My Mum taught me this, thank her.

But I have many difficulties. I have bad vision, dyspraxia, speech problems, propagnosia. I'm unsociable, I have difficulties with working in team, small talk, meetings, intrigues, gossips etc.. I don't have friends and boyfriend. I spend most time with my comp. Sometimes I meet people from forums, it's ok, because I can be mono-topical (forum topic) and I'm better in writing than speaking, so people like me or at least are nice to me.

I mix languages (I think in pictures, so thing's name doesn't matter). I'm good in known, learned situations, but I need some help if somebody behaves in the other way. I stim, I repeat words/phrases or I speak in my own dialect. I have meltdowns and moments when I'm off (like katatonia). I work on myself and I see the results.

Well I have a decent job and a car-live in my own house but have only one friend that I can call a friend and who is on the spectrum too and never had any kind of sexual relationship-maybe someday but doesnt look good-though I want to and I am socially awkward and lonely-cant multitask and have a bg problem prioritizing things and have been told so during performance review time at my job-have had meltdowns at times and shutdowns too-balance problems also.

I'm 31 years old. All of my life thus far I have measured myself in what everyone expects of me, because I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing at any given time in my life without social cues/rules. I'm *very* rule oriented...I can't get anything done without them.

I have difficulties keeping a job, as I get bored super fast (even if the job I start is actually something that initially interests me).

I keep starting & stopping university. I go...do okay for a while...something upsets my life (friendship gone bad or relationship gone bad--and those are uncommon, but the timing has sucked because it has been while I'm in school)...and then I flunk out because I get upset & consumed by my feelings. Seriously, I go from 3.5 GPA to 2.? GPA suddenly when something upsets my life. This has killed my aspirations of medical school.

Note: the only reason I chose medical school was because it was the most challenging field that I could think of (trying to combat getting bored ahead of time)...but since I have flunked out twice, I have no chance of being accepted to med school even *if* I am able to graduate as an undergraduate.

Vehicles....sigh...I get one...things are fine for a while, and like the last one I had...I sold the moment I had trouble keeping up the note (due to financial reasons). So, I have spent almost as much time without a car as I have had with one.

I have short spans of being semi-independent. I try so hard to live a "normal" life (not living with parents & having a job)...but it doesn't last long, and this is making me crazy...and by society's standards...makes me a loser.

I have not been officially diagnosed...I have taken the quiz thing on here that most have, and I scored very high (179). I consider myself inbetween moderate & severe...simply by comparing myself to other aspies online (which I realize isn't very accurate). Without "rules" or societal pressures/rules, I would not have any idea or desire to do anything with my life other than whatever the hell I want to, and spend the rest of my life living off of other's generosity since I can't get it together. Rules are the only reason I even try.

But, on the other hand though, how am I supposed to be able to compare myself to others in this respect? I don't really know what can be described as mild, moderate and severe. Maybe what I think is like that would be described otherwise by others?

According to your post, I would mostly fall into the "Moderate" area. I'm definitely not severe as a lot of lower functioning autistics, but I still am not living up to the worlds expectations, or even my own wants. I've never had a job, or a car, or a relationship, or my own place, & I'm 28 years old. I want those things dearly & have been working towards becoming more independent so that I will hopefully someday have those things, but I honestly don't know if I ever will.

when i was a baby, i was suspected to be autistic because of many factors that worried my parents. (i heard all about it from my psychiatrist later in my childhood).

when i was a baby, my parents were concerned that i did not look at them while they tried to attract my attention. i was not responsive to them saying "goo goo" etc at me, and my facial expressions were not seemingly influenced by them. i did not look at their faces when they held me, and my eyes mostly darted around until i saw some trivial thing that i then fixated upon like a fly crawling on a window.

they used to try to turn my body so my face would be facing theirs, but my head always swiveled so i was not looking at them. sometimes they held my head and tried to look into my eyes, but i turned my eyeballs away and became cantankerous at them for not letting me look around.

it was noted that i stared at mobiles (little spinning hanging trinkets) for hours without looking away, and the doctors suspected autism. (my parents had money and definitely wanted to find out why i was such an unusual baby).

when people held me, they had to hold me like a sack of potatoes because i offered no muscular help to assist them in holding me like most babies do. if they tried to hold me like a normal baby, i would fall through their arms to the floor.

i did not cry when i was a baby except when i was angry. i did not cry for attention and i never seemed to be happy when someone came into the room after i had been left alone in my cot.

i did not say anything until i was 3, and my first words were a complete sentence, and they reasoned that i knew how to talk long before i spoke for the first time.

when i was 3 , 2 doctors (one was a second opinion) diagnosed me with rather severe autism.

when i started to speak, it became apparent that i was not ret*d so my parents got me books that i looked at, and i was especially interested in dinosaurs (yawn (yes i know it is a stereotype)) and i started to talk about all the dinosaurs i read about to my parents. i do not remember how i learned to read, but i think people pointed out words under the pictures and said the words and i picked up how to read.

i went to a normal kindergarten, but my inability to pay attention to the teachers (not due to ADD but due to disconnection and disinterest) manifested in me not participating or obeying the rules i was supposed to obey. (i remember from this point and i know about it not from being informed by my later doctors)

i was put in a special learning class for ret*d people, but i was given normal lessons by the therapist/teacher and i made it through primary school in that special environment. i had no friends and i wanted none either because as far as i was concerned, other people interfered with my thought progress by interrupting with things i did not care to think about.

at recess and lunch time i played with my toys in places where there were no other kids around. i was totally absorbed in my play and i wanted to make my play like a scale model of reality.
i moved my toy cars at the speed that was to scale with their size. it looked like slow ret*d play to most people because the other kids ran around with their cars (if they had them) at a speed that would equate to 500 kmh, and i moved my cars very slowly at a speed that i imagined was 80kmh to scale.

i accelerated my cars slowly to scale and did not just shove them up to speed like other kids who played with cars did.

other kids who played with cars also interacted with their friends, and they used to collide their cars at a speed (to scale) that was ridiculous and i could never see why they had fun and i always went as far away as i could so i could play with my cars and planes in the way i wanted to.


when i went to high school, there was no special education class, and i lasted a few months before it was decided that i had to go to an institution for adolescent people that were not able to successfully negotiate main stream education. i was removed from my school because i disrupted the class with my behavior and they were always laughing at me and it compromised their learning.


at the adolescent unit, i was studied by my psychiatrist and she was a professor who invited her students also to study me (with my compliance).
i was happy to talk about how i saw the world and i was happy to answer their questions because it seemed to me that it was useful and fun to talk to them and i carefully considered my answers to their questions.

in this way i learned how to carefully describe the things i wanted to say, and my descriptive skills improved. they were studying what they called "intelligent autism", and it was a precursor to what was later called "asperger syndrome", and they were obtaining data from me to contribute to the validation of the diagnosis of "asperger syndrome" which was at that time being considered as an entry to the DSM.

there were many times that they decided i was intelligent enough to release into the main school system, and i was released, but i always failed in the mainstream due to my obstinate refusal to integrate with their agenda's, and so i returned to the adolescent unit inevitably.

when i grew older and was no longer able to remain in the adolescent unit, i went to my final mainstream school and was expelled shortly thereafter.

then as an adult, i got a computer and learned (i do not know how) how to program applications that built replicas of things i wanted to study. there was a systems analyst who was living in one of my fathers flats who i got into a discussion with one day, and he liked me and he recommended me for a job at a company he was doing contract work for.

(i am getting tired of this post of mine so i will condense it or i will not finish it)

i got the job and i did good work and even though no one could talk to me on a human level that they found to be normal, nevertheless they had to accept that my solutions to their problems were sound, and then i was asked to rewrite their system, and the system i wrote never failed.

after 10 years, the company had to dissolve due to government legislation, and i said my goodbyes to the clients of the company, and one client went beserk and said that without me they would not be able to continue their operations, so i started to work for them on a contract basis.

from that point i worked from home, and i stewarded their business by processing all their data and writing new systems for them on demand, and then after 6 years, they were bought out by an american company who thought my fees were outrageous and they reallocated my input to an indian comany who has ultimately failed to replace me due to their preconceived notions of business practice and their unmalleable approach to ad hoc exceptions that were needed to be progammed for to deal with unexpected developments in the process of their business.

at the time i was decommissioned from their service, i bought a business that i am currently developing, and when the company asked for me to rejoin them, i agreed, but that company now takes second place to the development of my current business.


so the moral of all this is that i have done well, and it all started with my good luck that an IBM systems analyst recommended me to the company he had a contract with, and even though anyone that ever meets me and talks with me in real time would suspect that i am completely divorced from human reality, and they would expect me to fail, i have prevailed.

i am reasonably severely affected by autism, but i have followed my nose, and despite the misgivings of people that witness me in a social setting, i am not wanting for anything i do not already have.

Those of you who are talking about parents making "joking" death threats... Please remember that autistic people like ourselves often do mistake a joking tone for seriousness, and vice versa. If you can't live on your own, you need to make sure that you can't be trapped at home--that you have other options. If your home becomes abusive, you have to have a second choice. Being trapped in a place because you can't survive without the help you get there is just as effective, if not more so, than simply being locked in. Possibilities include everything from other family members to friends who will put you up for a week while you figure things out, to hospitals and homeless shelters. You NEED a second choice. Simple as that. Even if you and your family are perfectly in harmony and love each other completely, you still need to plan for the possibility that something happens to them. If you were a child, the government would have systems in place to help you; but no such safety net exists for autistic adults, especially undiagnosed or "high-functioning" ones.

My stepfather at some points made death threats to me... Of course, he also regularly beat me up, so it was a lot less ambiguous for me. I eventually escaped, though I had to join (and escape from) what was basically a cult before I got completely free.

Another_Alien, I can't say I agree with your definitions of mild, moderate and severe Asperger's.

First of all, I think it's hard to put people into such categories, because in one aspect of life they may be mild while in other aspects of life they may be severe. I believe there is not necessarily any black and white definition that people can fit perfectly into.

Secondly, I think your defintions focus too much on materialistic things. There are other important things in life too and many people (both aspies and NTs) don't care that much about some of the materialistic things you mentioned as a part of "having got your **** together".

I also think you're wrong about severe Asperger's. I believe it is entirely possible for people with severe Asperger's syndrome to go to forums like this one and I am sure that some of the aspies here have severe Asperger's. Severe Asperger's is not necessarily exactly the same for everyone as it was for you.

According to your definition, I don't fit perfectly into any of the categories, but fit all of them partly.
- Most people would say I have a reasonably good job. It pays alright and the job itself is okay, but I get treated badly by the company and my colleagues and my working environment is very bad for me and sometimes I wish I could escape from it and just work from home or something.
- I'm married, but we're not really sexually active anymore and I don't miss sex. I don't get it why some people put so much focus on having a sexual relationship.
- I have a car. Where I live you really need one, because there is very limited and unreliable public transportation. I don't see what's so special about having a car though. Where I live, almost everyone above age 16 has one.
- I've got my own place, but I most likely wouldn't afford it if I lived alone.
- I have no friends and I'm not close to my family or anyone else, except my husband. I want to make friends or get close to somebody, but I really don't know how to do that and can't seem to do it. Sometimes I get depressed about my social isolation.
- I live in a fantasy world most of the time. My mind is always somewhere else, fantasizing about something very different than my real life. I am able to function when it comes to practical stuff like working and taking care of my basic needs, but my mind is always somewhere else while I'm doing it and I spend much more time in my fantasy world than in the real world.

I have improved in certain aspects of my life since I was younger. I used to be lower functioning than I am now and I used to be very depressed for years.

According to the way I myself see mild, moderate and severe Asperger's, I think it's hard to place me in any one of those categories. I feel like all of them partly apply and partly not.

Mild: I can work full time and make a decent living and I have certain skills that have helped me compensate and get ahead in life and achieve some things few people have. I can handle all adult responsibilities fine and I can take care of my finance, every day needs etc. I can interact with other people ok as long as it's about something practical, like work-related stuff. I can appear somewhat "normal" to people in a professional setting, but they start noticing if they spend some time with me or try to get social with me.

Moderate: I have rather poor motor skills, which cause me to be excessively clumsy and accident prone. I need routines in order to function. If I can't follow my routines for some reason, things go wrong. I forget stuff (even eating), run late or make a lot of mistakes etc. If I'm put in a situation where I have no idea what to expect, I get nervous and try to withdraw myself.

Severe: I have meltdowns sometimes. I always hoped they'd become less frequent, but that hasn't really happened yet and probably never will. I have severe sensory issues that cause me a lot of problems daily. I cannot interact well at all on a social level. I can't initiate conversations, participate in chit chat or group conversations or even follow up with them. I cannot initiate new friendships/relationships. I'm very socially isolated. While I am able to talk, I cannot seem to use speech to express myself or get to know people. I always feel like talking is like a foreign language to me, it never quite comes natural to me and I rarely talk at all unless I need to. Half the time I communicate with my husband with animal sounds.

I originally came to WP shortly after I found out I have Asperger's. I wanted to find out as much as possible about it and maybe get some useful tips or talk to other people who deal with the same. I stayed on WP because I can understand and relate to a lot of people here and feel that it's mutual. It feels good to sometimes talk to like-minded people. That doesn't happen much in my daily life. Sometimes I just need a break from confusing neurotypicals who think I'm a freak and get the chance to talk to people who are on the same wavelength as I. Half the things we talk about here is not something we'd ever be able to discuss with other people than aspies/auties. I like being able to have relaxed discussions without being judged or treated like a freak and without having to censor myself all the time or worry about whether what I'm saying is socially acceptable enough.

To be callous is to be cruel, cold, and not understanding to one's personality or to purposely bully or poke fun at things in their personalities; therefore, they will make fun or cajole.

Yes, I'm in med. school (2nd year). Never had a real job - I think I could have a part time job, but it would drain me of resources/would do more bad than good. So what will change when I graduate? Well hopefully, I can work with something interesting, preferably a job thats flexible, pays well and isn't socially demanding.

Theres people whom I talk to at university (mostly math, programming and physics students), they're not my friends however. I just can't seem to care about being social. Also I've had sexual encounters, and I decided sex wasn't something I found interesting/took pleasure in (pretty much what I expexcted it to be). I hate intimacy, people being comforting, needy, touching me, never been in love/felt attracted to someone - so being in a relationship with someone is out of question.

Never had any interest in driving one. But I'll get a drivers license anyway (yes an aspie who is affected by peer pressure )


Yup, I've been living on my own for a few weeks now. I wouldn't be able to do so without disability money and a scholarship, but cleaning, cooking your own meals is pretty easy once it becomes a part of your daily routine.

Conclusion: Mild. However, I'm moderate when it comes to 'desire to socialize and share ideas and interests'. Also, I am diagnosed with chronic depression which in some ways is harder to live with than AS.

Amik~ if you partly fit into all three categorizes here of mild, moderate & sever; I would guess you are Moderate because it's the middle category & average.( I hope this sounds smart instead of making me sound like I'm being a a d!ck)

I can relate to a lot of that Valoyossa


Your rite Callista cuz my mom means it as a joke but sense I'm very literal even thou I know she's not serious; it's damaging & hurtful to me but then again lots of stuff I say to her is. Your rite about needing a 2nd choice but I simply do not have one rite now & do not see how I could get one. I'm not close to many people offline & the friends & family I have either cant or wouldn't take me in. I've tried to qualify for autism related services before & we discussed group homes but they are only for people who have sever mental problems & can not be left by themselves or people with special medical needs. I cant qualify for any autism related services either because I do NOT have an official autism diagnoses. My state(Louisiana) has been having major budget problems & social services have been getting slashed for the last like 8 years. Our politicains want to shut down housing programs completely but they cant kick people out. I think the homeless shelters are overcrowded & severely underfunded. I slashed myself 7 years ago when I was having a mental breakdown & I went to the ER & they sent me home an hour latter. I went to the mental health clinic a day or so latter & they refused to help me even thou I embellished a little & told em I was suicidal. They did NOT consider me an immediate threat to myself because I was not trying to commit suicide & I have no criminal record so I am not a threat to others. There are programs for people with drug & alcohol issues but I'm straight edge. A couple years ago a guy here got arrested for making bomb threats because his lawyer actually advised him to so he could qualify for mental help sense he had no other options to get it; he was sent to prison instead of a mental facility.
My parents want to buy me a small house because my mom hates having me living here. They got approved for a bank loan for when they find something but small stuff is very hard to get here. It is extremely overpriced, complete trash or it goes to family or friends or something & a For Sale sign never gets put out. I don't expect em to find anything anytime soon. I don't think I'll get kicked out of here either because my mom used to threaten to send me to military school, juvi, put me up for adoption or throw me out on the street & other empty threats a lot when I was a kid & teen. I'm not going to worry about that stuff much rite now cuz there is very little I can do about that rite now.

Given those criteria for determing, I have been mild, moderate and severe at different times in my life. Thats the problem with judging by externals, externals change. Not that I have a better system though.

My diagnoses was actually Classic Autism & not aspergers, but outwardly I do come across as quite mild. When I was younger I had really quite severe autism, but I've had a lot of ABA & have moved up to probably more moderate/mild Autistic Disorder with some Specific Learning Difficulties.