"You're not autistic!"

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When the essence of a person is in conflict with their true personality, as is often the case with people Dx with HFA in mid-life who have had to overadapt to survive. It is often really hard for such a person to intigrate this understanding of themselves.

Consequently, if it is hard for the individual with AS to come to terms with their new and awakening autistic identity , it makes sense that most folk outside the loop would be doubly confused.

The fact that this thread is still so active highlights for me how deeply sensitive this issue is.

I think this is a profoundly sad reflection on society - not on us, that we are treated this way. Most NTs probably mean well and are relatively naive about not considering us autistic. I'm sure sometimes they tell us that we're not on the spectrum or they don't/didn't think we're on the spectrum to try to comfort us, even if we embrace being autistic as an identity. Regardless, those of us who adapt "well" enough to "blend in" enough to appear odd/eccentric/weird/quirky/selfish/goofy/lazy etc. rather than disabled usually do not "come out" very often (and when we do it's often as an explanation for a misunderstanding, etc.) because of all the stigma. NTs continue to have misconceived stereotypes about autism/Asperger's etc. partly as a result. Meanwhile, all this exacerbates the challenges we face - the discrimination and lack of reasonable accommodation contribute to the disability itself as far as our presentation/behavior goes - which is how we're defined despite the neurological basis of the spectrum.

well put......

I have a 5 year old son, diagnosed HF autism, and am diagnosed aspie myself. I've told only a few people - my husband, my sister, and my son's special ed director. The sped director, of all people, responded with, "You? Really? No.... you can't be! You seem so outgoing and normal."

Grrrrr.

I think she'd have been more accepting of me if I'd said I was a lesbian instead...

I'm going to be 40 this month and have worked hard - hit more social walls than I can remember - and always taken notes about how other "successful and normal" people act so I could be more like them. I've always shied away from having close friends and never got past the superficial "Hi. How are you?" stage of knowing people or making small talk. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not schizophrenic vs. aspie because of the "other me" I have to be when I'm out and about.

For me, having a diagnosis means more self-awareness. For example, we have a tropical storm in our area today (I live in New England) and the low barometric pressure is about killing me. It's also really bugging the 5 year old - and both of us together are not a good mix today. But knowing that it's just temporary and this too shall pass... well, that makes it a bit easier to deal with...

Regardless of others' uneducated opinions about our diagnosis, I still believe I'm better for having that diagnosis and understanding or connecting with other people like me, than I was before I had the diagnosis.

I've only told my mum; when I brought up the fact that I might have AS (which I still believe I do) and her response was that I couldn't have AS because if I did I would scream every time she touched me and I'd be in the special education section of school (incidentially I have been told that I have Special Educational Needs for speech and communication (in addition to my mother's unofficial diagnosis of dyspraxia (which I think I'm getting checked out for as if I write legibly I won't be able to complete my exams in the given time)) and I used to push away people who tried to pick me up (and allegedly freaked out at having my nappy changed)). She also said that I'd been checked out for it long time ago (or close to that), when I asked her if it was the year that I'd turn 2 years old she replyed that it was long, long ago (or something close to that), which is odd considering that according to the National Institute of Mental Health 'Autism can be reliably detected by the age of 3 years' meaning that there's a chance that the non-diagnosis of ASD might have been incorrect assuming I was checked out before the age of 20 months.
This is particularly odd as she previously said that she wouldn't be surprised if I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (before claiming that she 'was just joking', which seems to me to be rather odd (especially as she is ostensibly NT)) and that I have 'traits of Asperger's' by her. Then again, my mum is convinced that 'everything is ASD nowadays', whereas before people would be classified as having several other disorders.
My mother also told my 'Learning Advisor' at my old school (it was just under a year ago that I told her, but she stated that I didn't have Asperger's again last night; I just suffer from dyspraxia which she hasn't considered having diagnosed yet), who said that everyone could be put on a spectrum and that everyone does things which are a bit autistic (she didn't give any particular reason as to why I'm not on the Spectrum, just that everyone was; I think she was supposed to imply that I was 'borderline' or something).
My mum is convinced that I think I'm autistic because I had low self esteem, just like how she did as a kid (this is a possible explaination; she's NT and thinks that I'm a lot like her, ergo I must be NT, although I'm no psychological expert), which is odd as I don't consider autism to be a bad thing.
In short, I told my mum, she didn't believe me (I think, she has said repeatedly that I do not have ASD, but she's also said things which contadict this) based on evidence which may or may not be accurate.

I'm actually here to check my recent "Help!" post which is kinda similar. Just wanted to say that even after trying again, my best friend just told me until I have an official DX I "might be wrong" and that I shouldn't tell anyone. I guess now I know how Gay people from the 1950s felt, if I was ever gonna feel like killing myself, this is about as close as I'm gonna come to it. I feel like going to bed and just crying a lot. Just so you know you're not alone in this. Best wishes.

Well yes and than they go on and describe classical autistic like behaviors you had as
a child.


Face it if your less < 35 and where raised by ignorance with severe co morbid conditions like I it's just their way of not accetpimg responsiblity for $#&ing up. You'd think they'd have the desceny to admit they %$#@t up yes ?

Last edited by aussiebloke on 06 Oct 2010, 6:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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