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The "obvious" often escapes me and I am incredibly forgetful and both traits converged in the following episode.
several years ago, I had reluctantly agreed to meet a friend and his wife to go to the cinema. The cinema had a cafe inside and we met for a coffee before going in to watch the film. I ordered tea and it was the kind of place where you can pay when you leave. We had our teas and coffees then we noticed the the film was about to start. So we all left immediately and hurried down the flights of stairs to the cinema. a couple of flights down one of the waitresses appeared at the landing above me shouting "Excuse me!".

"Erm, Yes", I replied, surprised.
"Are you leaving?" she asked.
"Yes, I'm...erm...going to see a film".
"Haven't you forgotten something?" she asked.

I began to check my bag and my pockets, checking I had my phone and wallet, etc, then I replied "No, I don't think so".

"Your tea." She said.
My tea?"
"Yes" she said.

All I could think of was that I hadn't finished my tea but had left half a pot undrunk.

"Erm, I don't want the rest of tea. I'm sorry, I don't have time to drink it. My film is starting and I have to go." I replied.
You need to PAY for it!" she shouted.
"Oh! Oh I'm so sorry! I didn't...I thought....Oh I'm sorry..." I stammered as I rushed back upstairs. I thought somehow she wanted to know why I wasn't drinking all my tea. The confused exchange actually went on longer than this with me explaining more than once that I was sorry for the waste but I just didn't have time to stay. This is the abridged version.


Arghhh. How embarrassing.

I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and my mother used to take me to their meetings from when I was about 1 years old. At these meetings I would hear the Elders say things like "We must have nothing whatsoever to do with the Churches of Christendom, as they will be destroyed by God", and, "As Jehovah's Witnesses we have absolutely nothing to do with the occult, as this is Satanic".

So, by the time I went to school I had absorbed enough to apply it very literally, although no one ever told me to do this. Thus, from the first year of school I was in trouble for refusing point blank to even write the word "Church" when told to do so as part of a lesson and for refusing to read assigned childrens books with anything like fairies or witches in them.

The school had to call my parents in who were very surprised. How's that for interpreting things literally?

"I love you."

"Okay. Oh! I love you, too."

Mom: Love you
Me: Me too
Mom: You love yourself
Me: What?
Mom: I said 'I love you' and you said 'me too'
Me: So?
Mom: You said 'me too' so that means you love yourself
Me: I thought that does mean "I love you too"


Bah I don't get it. Joon says to Sam in Benny & Joon "Me too" after he tells her he loves her and did she mean she loves herself? I thought she meant 'me too' as in "I love you too."

Back when I was a kid, I would answer some questions wrong.

Mom: Beth, where are you going?
Me: Nothing

Then one day mom told me the correct answer. "Nowhere."

Okay so after that I probably started saying that even if I was going somewhere. I wouldn't be surprised.

Standing in line at the grocery store zoned out, in my own little work, holding up the line.

I don't know how to talk to people well and there was this guy who started talking to me while I was reading a book on a train, we talk about the book a bit and when I got up and began to go away I figured I should say goodbye, so he said "see ya" and I said "thank you, have a very nice day."

I keep automated responses in my head for situations, I pulled out the wrong one.

1-3 are 3 different situations.

1. Friend: I love you

Me: okay.

2. Friend: I love you

Me: um? What do you mean? Why are you saying this?

3. Friend: I love you

Me: ditto

friend: that's not good enough

Me: Okay

Me: How much is in the bank
Him: $2,500
Me: Do you mean $2500 even or are you rounding?
Him: No, that's how much I have in there, I checked couple days ago. Why do you ask?
Me: Just wondering
Him: Did you want to buy something
Me: Yeah
Him: What?
Me: Two clothes on ebay
Him:How much are they
Me: $24.99 and $14.99
Him: Get it then
Me: They are that cheap unless someone bids on them


Few minutes later:

Him: Oh I just got paid I remembered
Me: When?
Him: Last week
Me: So we have more than $2,500 then
Him: No, we have that much
Me: But you just got paid
Him: Yeah I know, last week
Me: But you checked the balance couple days ago
Him: I got paid couple days ago
Me: No you didn't
Him: Yes I did
Me: You got paid last week, you checked the bank account two days ago
Him: When I said couple days ago, I mean last week
Me: A couple is two. Why do you think it's called a married couple? It's two of us. Why do you think they call it a couple for relationships? Two people
Him: *laughs* You take things in exact
Me: So?
Him: To me a couple is more than two
Me: That's not right. A couple means two. Talk right
Him: I don't think like that
Me: It's not that hard
Him: Yes it is because I don't think that way. Okay I got paid last week and checked my bank account
Me: See that wasn't hard
Him: Yes it was, I don't think like that


This still made me LOL. I decided to copy and paste it here from the other forum. This happened a while ago. Our conversation went something like that.

I can recall a few moments off the top of my head, but one of my worst moments was when my entire family was cleaning one of my relative's offices as a favour.

Mom: "Gen, go and wet a few paper towels."

Me: "I will" <--- I always say that for some reason around family, which creeps out a lot of people.

...then I went and put the entire paper towel roll underneath the water, and then gave the wet roll to my mom.

Thankfully they laughed it off, but it was still weird.

I tend to take things a bit literally. A few examples:

In sixth grade, my best friend at the time and I were on our way to school when she asked me if her eyeshadow (it was very, very blue) looked okay. Since I don't like blue eyeshadow, I said no. Then she glared at me and refused to talk to me, and I couldn't understand why she was mad since she had asked my opinion. I understand now.

****
A few years ago I was picking a friend up from work on a day when he typically worked from nine until noon. The first thing he said when I saw him was, "I got to work an hour late this morning! I don't know why, but I thought I was supposed to be there at 10. I must have had a stroke!"

My response: OH MY GOD ARE YOU OKAY? (In the few seconds between my question and his explanation of how he hadn't ACTUALLY had a stroke, I'm thinking: should I take him to the hospital? But he's only 27! That's really young to have a stroke!)

****
My mom and I were at the mall a few weeks before Christmas when I was 16 or so. We went into a store that had clocks, and I love clocks, so I pointed out one I liked that I wouldn't mind getting for Christmas. I then went to the music store next door, and when I came back my mom was just finishing checking out. She pointed to the spot on the wall where the clock I liked had been and said, "Sorry, but someone came in here and bought it while you were gone." I asked what was in the bag she was carrying, and she replied that she'd bought stuff for other people. I found this all completely reasonable/believable, so I didn't say anything else about it.

Christmas morning, I was happily surprised to receive the very same clock. I still feel stupid for believing her when she said someone else had bought it.

when i was in grade one, my principal found me sitting at a desk in the hall, working alone.

Principal:"Why are you in the hall? what did you do to deserve this?"

Me:"I just asked nicely"

Well, my wife and I were in Walmart, in Pensacola this time for vacation, and the guy that was selling us our camera wasn't very smart. He was talking faster than he was working about how much he hated the Consumer Report magazine - the same magazine which told me the camera I was buying ( and it still works great ) was a good buy and that putting up with his annoyances would be worth it. Finally though I reached my breaking point when he actually had the audacity to tell me that he turned down a job from them, at the end of his internship, out of pure principle.

I looked at the guy and proceeded to tell him that, clearly, why he made the right choice in choosing his customer service position over the junior editor gig he was trying to make me believe he had been offered. I know that sarcasm can be hard for some Aspies, but I think I would have made everyone proud =D

My wife was amused, however. She didn't talk to me for the rest of the day because she thought I was too rude. In her defense, I hadn't been diagnosed then either - so that probably did catch her off guard. My doctor loved this story though, she laughed really hard when my wife told her about it, lol.

When I was in high school, I wanted to have a boyfriend and there was this student in my class who I thought was cute looking despite being overweight. One day I decided to ask him if he has a girlfriend and he said no. I asked if he ever had one and he said yes and I asked if they broke up then and he said yes. I asked him is he would like to be my boyfriend and he said he was too old for me. I told him he was not but he was 18 but he was only nine months older than me and 17 and 18 year olds can be together because it's happened before but he still said he was too old for me. Not picking up on that he was just trying to be nice and didn't want to hurt my feelings, I thought maybe he thought I want to have sex with him because I could remember my mother telling me that is why most teens get into relationships, for sex so that's why it's good to wait till marriage to have it. So I told him I am not out looking for sex, I just want a boyfriend, not sex. Kids started laughing. I didn't know why then.


Then a week later I find out I had embarrassed him and he was just trying to be nice by not hurting my feelings because he wasn't interested in me so he was saying he was too old for me. My aid said I needed to work on my social skills and used that as an example and my mom heard about it and she started laughing. Then after that she told me how people get boyfriends.