Do you feel like you're not even a part of your own family?

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i often feel like they just picked up a random Chinese baby from an orphanage.
i share very little in common with them, my personality is totally different, i hardly share any facial features, when i'm out with my family unless i told you you'd think i'm just some guy tagging along with them.
in the extended family including relatives and the like i'm practically the black sheep. i dunno understand how i can be so different from them.
there's no other aspergers in my entire family, no autistics either.

also my life is drastically different. i'm the only college dropout, only who has tons of problems, one who can't hold a job for more than 2 years, seems like i'm the only one with mental disorders.
they're all successful in life, most have a masters, several with PhDs, they don't have any major life issues especially not with money, they didn't have a hard childhood, they all seem to be happy people.

i don't understand how this could have happened. i was brought up the same way as my brother which turned out fine, but i had nothing but problems.

I've never felt I belonged in my family, not that there are many of them left now. From an early age I took to reading a lot and naturally revered learning, science and creativity. I really had no interest in sport at all. I'm not as smart as I wish I was but I'm the only person in my family to have been to University. Maybe as a result of all this (and autism too) I've developed a very different outlook on life from my relations.

My family pretty much all hold what you might call "Sun" Reader" politics - racist, sexist, homophobic, anti-immigration, pro-monarchy, pro-authority, pro-army and anti-intellectual. The men all love football and cars and beer. They do manual jobs. They see anyone who is a bit creative or non-conformist as "weird" to be shunned or laughed at. Sex is something to be sniggered at in "Carry On" movies.

I've developed different views. I had to really. Dealing with all of the above can be very trying. It's distancing too. I feel like I want to get close to people but all the prejudice and silly giggling gets in the way.

I'm sorry if this sounds shockingly snobbish. I'm sure I did come across when I was younger as a bit arrogant and superior. I certainly didn't mean to and I try my hardest not to do that now. I don't seem to be able to connect with them. We just have so little in common.

I think they will have the last laugh though. I don't stand to inherit any money or property. All of my cousins will. I work full time in a reasonable job but I don't earn enough to ever buy a house.

Getting an education and working hard hasn't done me much good. Being different certainly hasn't.

When I was little I really felt like I was not a part of the family. I was very secluded, I secluded myself like the OP's son did, for most of the time I was at home. This started around the age of ten when I developed my Misohponia and my Aspie traits started to get more pronounced. Before that I was pretty normal and had very close relationships with my family members. The seclusion lasted for a long time until about college and then I started to get closer to my family. What helped was the physical distance away from them. It took me years but I eventually learned to be close to them. But I am not as close to them as I could be. There are still areas of great distance and discomfort so there are some subjects that I avoid talking about. One of those is the subject of me being on the Spectrum.

This is very hard. It's hard for me to not talk to them about it and it's really impossible to talk about the Misophonia as well since they can't even conceptualize what that is. But I have a solution now. I have my biological family which I have come to grips with the fact that if I avoid certain topics of conversation I can be close to them and I have my other family which consists of my husband and my non biological brother. Between the two of them all of my Aspie and Misophonic issues can be talked about at will and I have complete freedom to be everything that I am and to be completely uninhibited. It is really great because with the two of them I feel like I am safe and able to be myself without having to hide anything and I will be accepted for who I am.

i have been the black sheep of my family since birth.when i was born, my mother handed me off to my grandma immediately. My 2 brothers were not even living with my mother at the time,they were living ithmy grandma,my father told her that it wasnt a good idea to get pregnant,but she tricked him... i havent see nor met my bio.father, i found him a few years ago, we talked for about 3 months on the phone,but he started calling me drunk all the time,never asked about his 2 grand kids. I was sexually abused my entire childhood by my grandfather, uncle,and 2 times by my oldest brother.i never told anyone about my grandpa until after his death. i found out my grandpa also sexually abused my oldest brother, he told my mother,my mother took him home and called C.A.S..my grandparents begged and pleaded to not tell or do ne thing more,my grandparents offered her money,my mom took the money,then put him n me n my other brother back into there care. i was always looked at as the problem,i went to jail,in and out from the age of 14 to 17, all because my mother called them on me for staying out past curfew. After that.. ive just been treated unfairly by my mother my entire life. every boyfriend ive ever had shes not liked,for her own reasons. i had a great relationship with one of my boyfriends mothers,and when she realized how well we got along,she ended that by getting a restraining order on her n made me sign it,or i go back to jaill. when i wasnt in jail i was on house arrest,day in and out i sat in my room,looking at my walls, crying, thinking, contemplating suicide, i had no attention or love from any family members,actually,theyd make fun of me and my situation i was in . i asked my mom for some attention,like doing things together,vising family,help pay for my license ,n it was always no,and screaming reasons at me for why she wouldnt.shed call everyone she knew and would tell them what i was doing,allll the trouble i was in,how i was acting....So they all believed my mom and treated me very mean. ...when i was in jail,however,shed take my siblings and go traveling,visit family,etc..... as soon as i got out,it was hell. she has 5 grand kids,my twokids,and my oldest brothers 3.. she sees them everyday, buys n brings them things,all the time,calls them,takes them on outings,my mother has never took my kids anywhere,hasnt called them once in the 6 years theyve been alive, only things she does is buys them a few things on theyre birthday because she feels she has to. why does she not love my kids? ..i asked her that once,and she said"i just dont have a connection with them".. yah!! because she doesnt feel the need or feel she shouldnt take the time to establish one.. but she takes the time to establish one with my nieces n nefew? they are all the same age!....... when i was on house arrest,i overdosed on my anti depressants and for a week i couldnt leave my bed, or put my head up,eat or drink..n to this day,she still doesnt no that,how do you not feel the need to check on ur daughter who is depressed and hasnt been out of her room for a week??.. thats the attention i got from my mom,i only got attention when i went to jail, when i called home,she wouldnt answer,n if she did,she said shed hang u if i cried...because mom liked to act like the victim in front of everyone.."poor me,my kid is so bad,look what shes putting me through...boohoo". My brother had his girlfriend at the time,living with us,and ide hear them everyday upstairs talking about me,making fun of me,hed call me a whore and a slut and my mom would agree with her!. ide go to school,and she was a high school drop out herself, but shed go in my room and sneak through all my things,and my mom would accompany her. after i was done on the family computer,shed come in and tell me to get off,like she n my mom hated me so much,they terrorized me till i almost killed myself that one day!! ! ..shed print off my chat longs n see what n who i was talking to and about...i had more privacy in jail!! !.. my mom had a good relationship with my brothers father,then she met my dad n she has always said bad things about him,then now shes been with my sisters dad for nearly 30 years....i feel i was a mistake,she wasnt with my dad for long,n i feelshe blames me n treats me bad because of who my dad is n what he did....i had a conversation a few weeks ago with my sister online, n itold her my experience with my mom,n how i feel my moms antics rubbed off on her, n how i felt my mom inflicts her beliefs on her..my mom saw it and told me im a sorry ass... how ive always blamed her for my"self induced" depression...how im dead to her... well she might as well said she wished me dead,because when you say someone is dead to you.. what that mean?...n every time she does this,i let her back in n she does it again,n every time, feels like the first time n hurts just a lil more every time...all i want is a mom that loves,cares,nurtures, understands me,n loves my kids unconditional, n ill never have that because of how she judges my every move..i admit,ive done many many wrongs in my life, and i try n have over come them, but every time i do something that pisses my mom off she brings up my past n throws it in my face...ive had no father, n no mother..n still dont.. i thought a mother was supposed to love her child unconditionally,no matter what?... why can she love my other siblings......n not me....

i just want my mother to understand why i feel the way i do,and accept that this is how she made my childhood feel,and she wont,she refuses,to,she gets right on the defensive n tells me i have mental issues

If you do not feel part of it, it tells much by itself. Family does not always have to be blood related.

No, I have very strong family ties

I do feel like part of my family, but I used to wonder if I was adopted, because I have Asperger's and nobody else in my family has Asperger's, or any other disabilities at all. I have 12 first cousins, and I don't know how many second cousins I have but I know I have a lot and I know that none of them are on the spectrum either. My mum's side of the family seem to be prone to things like low self-esteem, shyness and depression, although my cousins all seem to be confident and satisfied and popular. But me, I had to be inflicted with the worst mental condition a person could have. It's so not fair.
My mum says that a couple of my first cousins seem to have Aspie traits, but I think not. They always seemed better than me at making friends at school, and had a few sleep-overs. I never had any sleep-overs, only one time when I was 15, but that was with a very clingy girl and I only slept over once. But nobody from school has ever stayed over mine, while I remember every single cousin of mine had a friend to stay over at some point. Also these two cousins of mine with ''Aspie traits'' didn't have to go through the s**t I went through at school. I had to have time off school to go to these clinics with my parents to see what I could get diagnosed with, which made me feel separated from my peers, because all I wanted to be was a normal kid at school. I didn't want to be the only one who was pulled out of school to discuss s**t what made me feel more insane than what I really was. It makes me feel so depressed thinking about it. I don't mind having some Aspie traits, but was I that bad enough to have to go to therapists and clinics and get a diagnosis what makes me feel insecure about myself? I feel like Asperger's is inaccurate anyway. I was only 8 years old when they slapped this label on me, and I think that 8 years old is a little young for a female with a possible form of an ASD to get diagnosed with that. I wish they had just estimated it, and waited a few more years, until puberty kicked in at least. Without having this diagnosis making me feel insecure, I might have made myself just get on with it. Somehow my diagnosis got blabbed to all the kids in my class, and they all treated me like I had some sort of disease or something, and didn't want to get close to me, as though I might bite them or something. I might as well of had AIDS and had everyone know and keep away from me. It was that bad. Then I went into my teenage years feeling isolated, like I was a bad person who doesn't deserve friends. Friendships and self-image is hard for most teenagers anyway, let alone someone like me. I was bound to feel ashamed of myself. Now I feel like my diagnosis is following me around and I prefer to not have the whole world knowing. I don't want Asperger's to be associated with me any more. I don't mind ADHD, or learning difficulties, or even anxiety disorder, but not Asperger's. I hate it. I hate the word as well. Ugh!

When I was growing up, I never liked to do "family" things.

During family gatherings, something always went wrong.

I believe most people probably want and need "family."

However, since I've been an adult, my "family" has, except in rare cases, consisted solely of people who are outside my family.

Your family really is shutting you out, but perhaps not on purpose. Rather, they may feel uncomfortable around you, or may have little in common with you. I am sorry you have such a situation with your family.

In my case, they don't shut me out, but I tend to shut them out, because I am not comfortable around people, and have little in common with them. I have never felt emotionally connected to anyone, family or friend, just a few pets. I do feel abstract empathy about and toward people, but not direct emotional bonding. I have always been this way. I do sometimes feel mild loneliness, but I am able to handle it okay, as I am a hermit type by nature and choice.

Your birth family are not interested in bonding with you, so further attempts on your part will only continue hurting you. For your own emotional health, I suggest you minimize contact with them--holidays, birthdays, and occasional phone calls/emails. Instead, put your emotional bonding energy into your marital family, and friends.

I used to feel like I was not part of the family. Now I'm not sure if anyone in my family feels like part of a family. My dad and his sister are basically estranged from each other. My mom's brother and sister only acknowledge our existence when we all get together once or twice a year. Then they flee back home and leave my mom stuck with all the responsibility of caring for their father. They can't even be arsed to make a phone call once in awhile. I don't have any siblings.

Some of my great aunts/uncles, second cousins, etc. just ignore me or talk about me like I'm not even in the room. What annoys me more is that my mom doesn't notice it and acts like I'm the one being stuck up if I don't want to be around them. What I've realized though is she is desperately trying to make "family" happen and feel included in something that isn't there.

I used to take it more personally if I felt ignored or left out of things, but now I realize it's nothing to do with me.

I am in similar situation.

Ever since leaving home for university and returning I have felt like the black sheep of the family. I come from a family of twin sisters and my parents, they are still together but are not in love. My sisters are treated like princesses and there seems to be a love and connection that I don't have. Both sister have partners, one of them is treated more like a brother and a son than myself, he is always talked about, and my parents feel sorry for him with house diy, gardening work etc.

He is very talkative. It feels like none of the family like me they put up with me as I am family. When I go into rooms they are talking it goes quiet or if I say something in the conversation it is either demissed, ignored and made to feel my comment is irrelevant.

Everyone seems happier when I am either not there, a tension is there or when I sit in the corner out of view and not saying anything. I don't know why my family resents me so much. I love them and I would do anything for them. I have the same problem with friends they just put up with me or when I would be useful it's seems they would like to see.

I still live at home and have done since I was born I am 33 now, same job for the last 8 years I don't have any social life. I went through my first love breakup - very attractive, kind Portuguese girl, 37, with a child of 12, made me feel like a king and I throw it all away because I couldnt move abroad. I feel like a broken man for the last months after the breakup and I can't move on which hasn't helped at all. I've never had someone like me before, I've never been on a date, never had a relationship, I'm still a virgin and I was so close to leaving my home and moving abroad after meeting this Person for 2 days, she felt like my soul mate.

Last week at a festival someone came up to me and said your a munter. I have had my grandad call me ugly and also a girl said if your the last man in the club I will go with you.

It seems I lack looks personalty, charisma, social skills, a regect and have a negative energy people seem to hate.

Could someone offer me advice.

My parents and sibling are family, beyond that the extended family from my mother's side have pretty much split now that grandma has died and I never had much to do with my father's side.

Update:

I feel like I'm even less of a part of my family than I did 5 years ago when I've made my first post in this thread. I fell out of love with London and Britain just this January. My mum has also been very un-supportive of my changes and unaccepting of my true interests and preferences. She won't let me bring anything to do with Germany or Sgt. Schultz when I spend the night at my parents place and she doesn't accept me as I am. She's unwilling to accept me and I'm unwilling to make myself miserable at the expense of her happiness by denying myself my favourite things. There is absolutely no connection between my mum and I anymore and that makes me feel that I'm not a part of my family anymore. The last time I saw her was on Father's Day.

I'm an only child, so my mom and dad are watching me all the time. Whenever my uncle across the street has some party or celebration, I'm always the one who can't carry a conversation or be part of anything. Everyone else seems to talk all the time and crack jokes that aren't even funny, yet everyone laughs, and I just sit there not knowing what to do, and I get bored. The only time I actually feel connected is when I play video games with my younger cousins and we enjoy playing them together.

I have the acceptance, the amount of respect, and the inclusion.

But I feel like I couldn't get attached to any of them. Not even with my own sister. I only had been attached to my mom and her alone so far.
Almost all of them, even my closest bonding relative, feels like they're more of a non-stranger and never beyond alike acquaintance. I can and would love them, but I can't get attached to them.

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