Is there any Aspie who wish they are born normal?

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That will probably most likely not happen but thanks for the encouragement!

Well, where I come from, it's like I'm not allowed to have AS. I apply for a job and they don't want me as soon as I say I'm on the spectrum, even though it's a strict policy to employ people with disabilities, and even though I'm sitting in the interview room talking normally. But some NTs are so stereotypical about the Autistic spectrum - all they think about is, ''Autism=social problems=useless''. That is what they think, otherwise I would have been in employment by now, after all the thousands of jobs I have applied for. Some employers just care about making money and haven't got a clue about ''the gifts of Autism'' or whatever it is, and so after they interview me, they get another applicant who is a confident, bubbly NT, and the employer just goes to them. The whole world values people with normal social skills - this is a hidden stereotype, yet is well known.

So I think it just makes life a whole lot easier just to have social skills. Doesn't matter what grades you have, or how dumb or clever you are, as long as you have normal social skills people will respect you. I wish NTs would open their eyes a bit here. If it wasn't for clever people (ie, some people on the spectrum), these popular sociable NTs wouldn't have all this facebook and all these phones and everything - yet they still don't want to know clever but unsociable people. This is where society has gone stereotypically wrong.
Personally, I think Aspie females rather be with people and want to socialise, whilst Aspie males are more happy being focused on a special interest. This may not be true for every Aspie, but it seems that way for me. I know more males on the spectrum who have succeeded in invenstions, than Aspie females. Well, I'm just referring to me, because I have not got the brains to be a success. All I look out for is relationships.

So it sucks to have poor social skills, unless you don't care about being lonely. But some of us do care, and it's hard to suddenly switch onto obsessing over objects and facts when you prefer to be with people, yet you want to kick yourself at the slightest Aspie mistake you do occasionally.

Last edited by Joe90 on 08 Jan 2011, 2:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I hate having AS.

Joe90, I feel sad not only that you have asperger or autism but also the walking problem. May I suggest you call up the Samaritans, tell them about yourself and your problems, maybe they can give you a guidance of what kind of job will be more easier and yet suitable for you to apply. You never know, they might give you some good advice or tips too.

Long ago when I didn't know I have asperger, I just kept wondering why the people can so easily talk to others, and actually in my mind, I thought I should be able to do it too, but can't. I read a lot of motivation and sales books, thinking that that should make me confident and motivated like others, but still couldn't. I kept on wondering why like that?? Trouble was no one knows about asperger yet, so life was really a torture and struggle, not knowing what's really happening.
Youngsters nowadays in US can be easily diagnosed at the early age, so they are considered very fortunate to know it early. They do not have to wonder what's happening like I did. And they can go for programs that the specialists can help them to learn certain things about living skills that I never had the chance at all.

I had a walking problem too back a few years ago, like I kept dragging my right foot back and it was really embarassing. I somehow managed to overcome it but my walk still looks slightly funny to this day, but it's not as bad.

Well, it's my back what's worse. I've found it so comfortable to walk hunched, now I feel odd and ugly walking like that, but it's too much effort to walk with my shoulders up properly again. It will take up all my muscles to do it now, and I'll feel I'm being pulled back all the time.

Now do most NTs manage to maintain a good posture? I wish I naturally could.

When I was younger (I didn't know I was an Aspie then) I often wished I were a different kind of person. Now that I am well adapted to the NT world, I have no desire to be anything but what I am.

ruveyn

You know, sometimes I wish I was normal (especially when I'm having a bad day.) But other times I'm happy just the way I am because I have friends who are also on the autism spectrum, so I don't feel as alone.

You know how most people wish they was a millionairre? I wish I was NT, so bad. I hate being Aspie, and whoever says AS is good to have - it is not. It makes me do bad things, like upsetting people and being such a big strain on everyone. Also the worrying about little things others wouldn't worry about, and being so stubborn on something what's such a tiny issue. It makes me an awkward person. Plus the uncontrollable meltdowns, and the excessive talking about special interests what nobody wants to hear about. I even found out that my dad goes out to escape from my ways, not because he enjoys it.

If I was NORMAL, none of this would happen.

By the way - I'm not saying I would never get in rages if I was NT, because NTs do get in rages, but the rages will be more normal, over normal things. I wouldn't be swearing and crying and taking it out on other people over a bit of snow or over a distracting noise. I would take those things calmly if I was NT, and concentrate on worrying about normal things.

*Sigh* wouldn't it be heavenly to go out into the street and be able to filter out sounds of toddlers' tantrums, car horns bibbing, sirens flying past, dogs barking........ Ohhhhhh, NTs don't realise how much they take their brains for graunted - until something bad happens, like Alzheimer's, or hitting the head so hard it causes brain damage, ect

Last edited by Joe90 on 10 Jan 2011, 5:15 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Joe90, I can feel how much you are going through, much, much more hurt than I do. I really wish there's a way that there's someone who can see your situation and able to do something about it.

When I was younger, the #1 thing I wanted to be was normal. Especially under the age of 10, I felt so lost and separate. It became less of a 'mindset' as I got older and learned how to blend in a bit better. I can pay fake compliments, do sarcasm, I can even do small talk because I've learned lots of stock phrases (although I'm not v. good at progressing...usually I forget to taper it and just walk off after saying 'bye abruptly). On the negative side, I find it really hard to have a real conversation with someone. I mean, to even try. The only reason I'm doing better is because I avoid everything. I sound really ordinary on the internet, I can pass for NT easily. Most people here could.

But then...loads of people have always told me I'm original and I think of things in a different way and that it's my 'strength'. That I'm not like everyone else. Teachers on the bottom of essays and nice peers, and family. I'd rather impress family because they're all clever and original themselves (although not Aspie!). Of course, lots have told me I'm strange in a bad way. And school would have been lots easier if I was just a quiet NT. But I'd rather be an Aspie I think. Oh gosh I don't know!

My communication skills aren't bad - I can easily pass off as a NT and my friends and colleagues don't see any different in me to anyone else. It's everything about AS is what I hate: difficulty adapting to change, anxious about the world's trivial things, irritable behaviour, distraction to noise, unwanted thoughts in my head, low intelligence, obsessions with people, being vulnerable*.....

I thought the main part of being on the Autism spectrum is about difficulty with social skills? I have everything but!



*By the way, I don't mean socially vulnerable, I mean always looking vulnerable all the time, like when I'm crossing roads.
Also with this faceblindness talk on this forum. I don't exactly have faceblindness - I just don't look at people when they pass, and because I walk so quick I shoot past people I do know, then they're calling me and are probably wondering why I'm always whipping past them, and it makes me appear unfriendly.

Me too. One of my fears is crossing roads but I still do it.

I have poor communication skills. In big social settings my mind turns off and I act like a child that flaps constantly and may try to take part in the conversation by saying some comment. I can't hide my differences. My body just moves and positions itself in its own way. Sometimes I get a giddy feeling and just wander off.
Other times I'm more high functioning and can talk one on one to people if I'm talking about my interests or something that piques my interest. I think when I'm hyper I'm more sociable. I have to be in the right environment though. New senses are distracting.
Sometimes I feel really dependent on people, other times I feel like I can do things better on my own.

I like my interests and my constant thoughts shooting around my head, getting me to write more and more. Or I might just sit down and draw. I always have ideas buzzing around my head. I like being different from NT's when I interpret the world in a different way but sometimes I too feel left out. I suppose the worst thing for me is my hate of sudden change and my meltdowns that happen afterwards. My meltdowns used to be predominately internal now it's 70% internal, 30% external.

After my wife left me I wanted to be normal, so she wouldn't be ashamed to take me to parties or out with her friends. I wished I was normal because I thought I would never find love or acceptance.

Then I found out I have to love myself, I have to accept myself. Then I looked at all my cousins who I grew up with working jobs they didn't like or have any real future. They had 1-6 kids respectively, they had never left the small rural area of Florida where we were born and never would. They didn't want to either. They were all under 30 and had given up. They were where they would stay then they would die.

Then I thought of my wife's future. She might find a man who is normal and treats her bad like every other boy friend she had ever had and she would grow old and die in the city she grew up in, maybe even the same exact house.

This "normal" was so distasteful in my mouth I looked at my goofy, strange self in the mirror and was thankful that no matter what happened to me in life I would never die "normal"

I am abnormal, I was the road less taken, and I truly believe that it has and will make all the difference.

Yes. I'm sure I'd still be intelligent regardless of whether or not I have Asperger's.