Autistic Burnout

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What is this tokens thing?!?!?

I can relate to a lot of what has been said in this thread so thank you so much to everyone who has posted.
I find it very sad that even to people (eg family members )that I have disclosed my AS to, they do not apreciate the enormous energy drain that people like us experience over a long period of time just trying to appear remotely normal: and that the additional pressure placed on us by mental health "profffesionals" and/or family members makes things exponentially worse.

O sorry, I see the tokens thing. A friend with crohns once explained this on facebook in term of spoons I will see if I can find the link.

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpres ... on-theory/

Here it is. I related to this so well, but as Aspergers isnt seen as a "real" disability, I didn't feel good to share this with her, especially in a public forum.

I am surprised I had apparently missed this thread in the past, but here is something I had found at about the same time this thread began:

Hmm. I was progressing really well during high school, I was excelling and seemed pretty smart and could handle social situations decently but now, I've been out of high school for about 2 years and I'm a complete wreck. Can't think coherently or express myself much. Is this what autistic burnout is? I looked it up and that's kind of what I got but am not sure, so.

I can relate to this. I managed to work in a variety of customer facing roles and survived, but the stress was too high. I didn't do well on social interactions with workmates.
After the company I worked for went bust I struggled to find permanent work. Despite being described as a "hard worker" and "having aptitude" I didn't get kept on in subsequent jobs.

I feel like I show AS traits more now than a few years ago. I don't have the energy or the inclination any more to pretend. I have suffered depression and I think that is part of the "burnout" experience.

Before I'd work through pain, tiredness and stress because I thought that everyone did to the same extent. But they still had the energy to go out in the evenings, to socialise, to connect with their peers in a constructive way.

Now I need to find a better, more self-sustaining environment. To take care of myself by getting right the balance between doing my best and doing too much.

Tokens in action:

On Monday morning, before I went to bed, I had to:

* Schedule my paratransit ride to therapy on Wednesday
* Phone in my prescriptions for refill (no voice communication needed)

The Paratransit site doesn't use autofill and requires Internet Explorer, so that takes some of my reserves to deal with (remembering all the data to input every single time).

The prescriptions require going through multiple verbally explained menus, and inputting redundant information over and over, so that took some of my reserves.

I usually do not have to do these on the same day, but when I need to, I usually fail to do both because dealing with both systems is too much for one day.

I had my first burnout back in '99. I was working in manufacturing 50-60 hours a week. I did pretty well at the very repetitive job that I had, but then I was transferred to a much harder job that entailed much less linear thinking. This was because I had done so well at the previous job. I shortly became very ill and when I returned to the job I found that I just could not do it anymore. I quit in less than 2 weeks.
I returned to manufacturing about 4 months later to a job that I had prior. I had been a printer by trade. This I tried to do for 13 years and I always struggled to keep up. I could mostly do it, at the expense of my family. Generally, all I could do in the evening was try to recuperate for the next day. I finally quit 1 year ago this past February. Last fall I found that I was most likely Autistic. I have been slowly letting go of my facade since I quit my last job. I am lucky because my wife owns her business and I went to work for her. I am becoming happier with myself as time goes. The stress of trying to fit became overwhelming, until I simply crashed. Today, my small circle of friends (most of whom I know through my wife) seem to accept me for me.

I'm pretty burnt out.

This thread is amazing. Thank you to everyone who posted. For those of you who had commented in the very beginning a couple of years ago: how are you doing now? I hope you all have managed to get through this okay.

I'm finding myself on the brink of a burnout right now. I've been struggling, STRUGGLING to finish my thesis for my master's degree, and I have been working part time (which is an easy 1 day/week), plus taking care of my 18 month old during the day. I can take care of her and provide for her needs just fine, but the executive function I have for myself is nearly nonexistent. My husband is very understanding and has been taking care of the household chores and cooking dinner and going grocery shopping when he gets home. By the end of the day I am completely drained though. I collapse into bed and can't think straight, yet my mind runs a million miles a minute.

I feel as though I've hit a wall and that wall is about to swallow me whole unless I figure out how to back away from it. The weird thing is that all I want to do is hyperfocus on the things I find interesting, and that's about the only thing in my life I have seemingly limitless energy for. I have this overwhelming need to just be alone to read or write or paint (all things that recharge me), but I can't do that for more than an afternoon maybe once a week at a time, and it's not enough. I feel like I instinctively know what to do in order to heal, but the time and things necessary for doing that just aren't feasible in my life right now.

Like what many have said in the previous comments, I have begun to drop the NT facade and be my more "natural autistic" self and that has helped a little. At least the energy that was being spent on doing that is now freed up to allow me to care for my daughter and even the most basic needs for myself. This whole burnout has been building up since at least August, (though I suspect it's been looming for the past two years, but I've been able to keep it at bay until now) and around September something just kind of snapped in me and I found that I just couldn't keep up the act of normal anymore. I had been working on a project for an online magazine (which I thought would aid me in starting my career, but it ended up being a bust) and the girl who ran it kept piling on more and more (despite telling her I didn't have enough time to do it all) and I just stopped caring. I would get on my computer, try to work, and my mind would just go blank. So, I quit. My husband and sister say it's not my fault and that that girl was demanding too much and taking advantage of my time (which is true, as a few other people quit around the same time) but I still feel like it was a failure.

Anyway, so when that all happened, I just kind of threw my hands up and stopped with worrying about being "normal." I don't have the energy to do so anymore, so why bother? I have grown apart from one of my best friends because of this, which has hurt, but my other best friend has been very understanding, as has most of my family.

My dad has autism, but he doesn't really understand me and I can't really talk to him about this. I feel incredibly alone in this, and I feel like no one in my life understands what a struggle it is just to get through the day. Also, as previous comments mentioned, this is definitely different from depression. (Though I realize that these can coincide and/or lead to one another, I'm sure.) I have interest in things, and I love being alive for the most part... I just have hit a wall and I feel as though I could sleep for a thousand years.