Does anyone forgive easily?

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TeaEarlGreyHot
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30 Mar 2011, 1:38 pm

daspie wrote:

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

You don't need to insult someone to stand up for yourself. I know, because I've done it.

Insulting someone crosses over into the realm of revenge.

If some insults you then you need to and by the same means.

What for? I view retaliation such as your describe a waste of my time. Insult me all you want, you won't get a rise out of me. In fact, chances are I'm laughing because it's damn near impossible to insult me.

People stop trying to insult me when they figure this out. However, if I tried insulting back it wouldn't stop.

Revenge begets revenge, usually.

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daspie
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30 Mar 2011, 1:58 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

daspie wrote:

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

You don't need to insult someone to stand up for yourself. I know, because I've done it.

Insulting someone crosses over into the realm of revenge.

If some insults you then you need to and by the same means.

O.K. it is your strategy. That is one of the strategies. Mine is "an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth". If you can forgive social insults and many aspies are of your kind, perhaps many do not understand how much they have been insulted, then it is good. But people may try to, knowing that we have a social mind of a new born, exploit us financially or make a servant out of us for them, lets say, by asking us to get that book or pick up that thing from table. One needs to cut these people out of their life at least if they do not want to take revenge.

TeaEarlGreyHot
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30 Mar 2011, 2:01 pm

daspie wrote:

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

So, according to you if we don't retaliate we must not have understood the depth of the insult?

Interesting...

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Zen
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30 Mar 2011, 2:13 pm

I have to agree with Tea. If someone is insulting to me, then they look the jerk, not me, and they're not worth my time. That doesn't mean I'm going to be submissive to them. I'm going to treat them like they aren't worth bothering with. Not caring seems to bother people more than being angry with them. They like attention, even if it's negative. :lol:

And maybe it's because I lack it myself, but I have a hard time believing that people would understand delayed revenge. It's like punishing a dog for something it did 3 days ago. It just thinks you're being cruel for no reason. I know people are not dogs. But I think they'd only remember if they cared a lot about it.

Lecks
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30 Mar 2011, 3:06 pm

Indifference is what got me out of being bullied in school, if I had taken revenge in the beginning it would have only worsened instead of stopped.

TeaEarlGreyHot
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30 Mar 2011, 3:13 pm

Lecks wrote:

Indifference is what got me out of being bullied in school, if I had taken revenge in the beginning it would have only worsened instead of stopped.

Same here.

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Janissy
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30 Mar 2011, 3:14 pm

Zen wrote:

]

Same here. An insult only matters to me if it's somebody who's opinion matters to me. If it's some random person or somebody I don't get along with anyway, it doesn't matter.

Quote:

And maybe it's because I lack it myself, but I have a hard time believing that people would understand delayed revenge. It's like punishing a dog for something it did 3 days ago. It just thinks you're being cruel for no reason. I know people are not dogs. But I think they'd only remember if they cared a lot about it.

I agree with this too. Delayed revenge for anything that wasn't really obvious just makes you look unstable. If person A has sex with person B's spouse, revenge is almost to be expected at some point. Doubly so for retribution against violence. There is no statute of limitations on that. If you kill somebody's kid, they might honestly wait the entire 20 years until you get out of prison to get revenge.

But for lesser slights, too much delay looks demented. If some guy keys your car, you might turn right around and key his or punch him (just winging it here). But if you wait 3 years and then punch him, you will look deranged.

PinkFeelingBlue
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30 Mar 2011, 5:10 pm

In response to the OP, no. I hold grudges forever. Somebody wronged me or someone or something I care about, they make the mental list.

Like the previous poster who said that it's like little movies replaying themselves over and over again. I get flashes of the incidents that angered me in the first place.

Is it healthy? Probably not, but until they come up with some surefire method to erase specific memories I guess I'll just have to live with it.

bee33
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30 Mar 2011, 5:59 pm

daspie wrote:

In instances when I have become angry or outraged at having been treated poorly and reacted accordingly (not because of some plan but because I was so upset I couldn't stand it) things only escalated from there and I ended up ostracized and made out to be a terrible person. These things are not easy to navigate, even if you think you understand the dynamics and have a plan. It's like playing with fire.

PinkFeelingBlue wrote:

I do the same exact thing, not by choice but because things that were done to me haunt me, if they were severe enough and were intentional. I also get flashes of past injustices and I can't stand it. They torment me. I have spoken to two therapists about this, at length, and although I thought this was an issue that therapists were well equipped to deal with, I received exactly zero help from them.

Todesking
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30 Mar 2011, 6:12 pm

I never forgive anyone that has done something to me unless it was a legitiment accident. I will seek out revenge doing whatever I think I will get away with. If they do something to torment me I will do whatever I can do to ruin their lives.

I have spit in unattended drinks and food
I have told on my enemy for what they had said about someone behind their back to that persons face
I have called co-workers wives telling them to keep their husband from my wife or underage daughter
I have bought woman's panties then put them under their car seat where their wives/girlfriends could find them
I have put opened condom wrappers under car seats
I purchased skunk scent and doe in heat urine to pour in open car windows and on outside airconditioners
I have sabotaged machines my tormentor just fixed to make them look bad.
I have thrown away unattended car keys
I have gone through unattended cellphones looking for embarrissing photos I could send out to everyone on their lists

I know some of you will say I am a bad person for doing these things but I really don't care. The people I did this too made it their mission in life to harrass me only because they knew how to get away with it. I was messed with on day one all the way to my last year. I spent 9 years at that place stuck there because no one else would give me a job that payed as well or better.

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daspie
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31 Mar 2011, 1:20 am

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

daspie wrote:

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

So, according to you if we don't retaliate we must not have understood the depth of the insult?

Interesting...

The logic behind it is very simple. We don't get intonation. A harsh tone is an insult. We do not get people's intention, some one can make us get their job done therefore that is our insult. Some one can call us very bad things, see my signatures. For e.g. If someone uses this word "push" when it was not necessary(out of context) and in a jovial tone then it means a very bad thing. "push" sound like "puss" and latter sounds like "pus(s)y". And that means a whore, and if we are called a whore then that means that we were in a whore just as someone says "home" to mean that he/she is/was in home. I realized these things at the age of 26 and 1/2.
Some one can push us here and there, poke us, pull us a bit and we do not mind because we don't realize the mind, which is disrespecting, behind that action. Therefore it is important for males to be physically strong,. I think women should also be big and not petit!

Last edited by daspie on 31 Mar 2011, 1:42 am, edited 2 times in total.

daspie
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31 Mar 2011, 1:33 am

Todesking wrote:

I never forgive anyone that has done something to me unless it was a legitiment accident. I will seek out revenge doing whatever I think I will get away with. If they do something to torment me I will do whatever I can do to ruin their lives.

I have spit in unattended drinks and food
I have told on my enemy for what they had said about someone behind their back to that persons face
I have called co-workers wives telling them to keep their husband from my wife or underage daughter
I have bought woman's panties then put them under their car seat where their wives/girlfriends could find them
I have put opened condom wrappers under car seats
I purchased skunk scent and doe in heat urine to pour in open car windows and on outside airconditioners
I have sabotaged machines my tormentor just fixed to make them look bad.
I have thrown away unattended car keys
I have gone through unattended cellphones looking for embarrissing photos I could send out to everyone on their lists

I know some of you will say I am a bad person for doing these things but I really don't care. The people I did this too made it their mission in life to harrass me only because they knew how to get away with it. I was messed with on day one all the way to my last year. I spent 9 years at that place stuck there because no one else would give me a job that payed as well or better.

No man. You did the just things. You took justice. Not every one can do such kind of things as they will be caught. It needs courage, planning and above all good physique to get out of the messy situation of being caught. I vandalized and sometimes stole things as a kid. I had conduct disorder, I also have ADHD, hyperactive impulsive. Later it developed into anti-social personality disorder which I believe most bullies, if not all, have. Therefore I always mess up with such NTs. I take more offense than most NTs.
Besides vandalism, sabotaging and stealing, which are risky behaviors, I think we can learn how to invade people's physical space. Let say by pushing people a bit "accidently" or stepping over their foot etc, it requires one to have good physique.
NTs invade our mental space because they have Theory of Mind and they know what I call local language skills, see my signatures. These skills are very hard and very few aspies are expected to understand them to the level that they can apply them successfully. Instead getting physically strong to deter wrong doers is a relatively much easier option.

TeaEarlGreyHot
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31 Mar 2011, 2:25 am

daspie wrote:

*raises eyebrow*

I believe you may be over thinking things a bit.

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Babs01
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31 Mar 2011, 7:46 am

PinkFeelingBlue wrote:

Try looking at it from a different perspective~perception is key

bumble
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31 Mar 2011, 8:17 am

I forgive. I don't like taking revenge.

daspie
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31 Mar 2011, 11:36 am

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

daspie wrote:

*raises eyebrow*

I believe you may be over thinking things a bit.

It will, no one except one believed me who himself showed some understanding of those rules. His name is nostromous and this is that link.

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