Shyness/Introversion vs mild AS-Differences.

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Growing up I was called "shy" a lot and it annoyed me because inside myself I never felt like I was shy. I was just quiet. Either I didn't have anything to say, or else I figured what I had to say might offend people so I kept quiet. Sometimes I just thought I wasn't supposed to talk, like when teachers told me to quit giving all the answers in class and let the other kids have a chance. It always seemed to me like people couldn't make their minds up, if I was quiet they wanted me to talk more and if I talked they wanted me to be quiet. Looking back I guess I couldn't understand they wanted me to act different in different situations, and I didn't understand "context" in relation to that. I just thought people couldn't be pleased no matter what.

I don't think of myself as shy. I do experience shyness in some situations, but I am not a characteristically shy person. I am not afraid to approach people I don't know, or initiate conversations with people. I don't feel particularly inhibited around people - to the contrary, I feel more of a lack of inhibition. I have constantly think about holding myself back from saying or doing things that others would probably find inappropriate. But I guess that is more a trait of ADHD than AS(?) I do get very nervous when I have to get up in front of a group to speak, but aren't most people like that? And no matter how nervous I feel, I actually relish the chance to get to speak to a group without being interrupted.

As long as I know *what* to say, I don't hold myself back from saying it (actually when I have something to say it can feel like nothing, come hell or high water, would hold me back from letting those words come out my mouth). The trouble is I often just don't know *what* to say. I don't know what is appropriate or what will make sense in the conversation. Or I just don't have anything to say at all, because I can't relate to what other people are talking about, or I can't understand what they are saying. And even when I do know what to say, my timing is off somehow. I never know when it's my turn to talk. I misread social situations, and other people misread me, I guess because they think I'm acting on the same assumptions they have, and I have no idea what those assumptions actually are. I only find out after there is a terrible misunderstanding, or someone finally tells me "oh I always thought you were _____" and I find out they had some really weird impression of me.

When it comes to anxiety about social situations, I mostly just dread having those sort of misunderstandings with people. I don't care much what people think of me, or if they judge me but I care what they will do based on their judgements of me. I feel anxiety wondering how they are going to react to me, because a lot of the times I don't have any idea. I can only predict based on past behavior. People are like vending machines, and some of them are really predictable, they always give the bag of chips when you push A6. But other people are like vending machines gone totally haywire...one day they give you chips when you push A6, and another day they give you a candy bar, and another day you just don't get anything out of them. So who knows. People are confusing as hell.

The OP was not posting his/her own thoughts, just quoting the article in the link provided.

AS is more than just shyness; shyness is only half of half of the criteria (assuming that shyness can somehow be used as one of the social issues criteria).

The only reason why I don't like social situations is because I seem to fear people thinking I'm ''a bit strange''.

What is the difference between a shy NT and a shy Aspie? Is it that a shy NT can still give off a friendly expression, and if they do speak it's kind of the right thing, whereas an Aspie might give off more of an aloof expression or might say something irrelevant or just not know how to start or carry on a conversation without coming across as rude or whatever (even though it's unintentional)?

My friend knew an NT who was shy, and when they were going around asking for job vacancies in shops, the shy person kept on holding back and wouldn't go in and ask, and she just asked my friend to ask for her.

But then I wonder, what's the point if NTs being shy if they know that when they do open their mouth they're always going to say the right thing and give off the right impression? Or do all NTs necessarily do everything right? Is being NT really as good as it's cracked up to be? Or do shy NTs have the same social awkwardness as mild Aspies do, but obviously not all the rest traits that come with AS?

I can't seem to work it out.

From my very earliest years, I was labelled as shy and a little quirky and in the pre-Aspergers world, I just kind of accepted it as part of my personality. But as I got older and began to become more in tune with all sorts of oddball sensory problems, I realized there was something more going on although I didn't necessarily connect the two. Once I began to become educated on Aspergers just a couple of years ago and saw I well I fit into the template, it soon became obvious to me. These days, nothing really annoys me more than being called shy. Even though I don't publicize my AS, I really just want to scream out that I'm not shy, I'm autistic. But getting back to the OP, I don't really like to speculate on whether others are on the spectrum ... maybe their social issues are more of a big deal to them than their sensory issues so they choose to focus on those when they post here.

Well, my problem is I'm not shy, I go out and do quite a lot, I guess. I'm kinda bad with girls, but not with really anyone else.

As far as my diagnosis goes, it's officially NVLD. Nonverbal Learning Disorder. I like it better than an AS diagnosis, for basically the reasons you stated. The NVLD diagnosis is neurological in nature, it's an IQ gap and right brain deficiency. My verbal IQ is 130+, but my nonverbal is only about 80. I didn't get diagnosed until almost 18, and I wasn't seeking a diagnosis, the DX was actually ordered for me. That, and after I got my diagnosis, I was in denial about it until I was 20, I figured it was BS like most psychological stuff was, and also they gave me a schizoid/schizoaffective DX, however the people they refered me to for treatment said that diagnosis was stupid to give someone who's 17, so I doubted the whole diagnosis. But later on, did some reading about NVLD, reran the IQ tests on my own, and it all added up. The people who originally diagnosed me NVLD said I was basically almost Aspergers, but not quite, since they said my special interests weren't too severe (when in fact the rest of my family would disagree) but again, for that diagnosis process, I tried to act as normal as possible, since I didn't wanna get diagnosed with anything. But, my diagnosis has neurological backing for sure.

I really don't like this whole Aspergers/ASD can of worms to be honest, as it's all part of the inexact subjective subject known as psychology, which I pretty much don't like much at all. My NVLD is very easy for me to grasp, as it's a scientifically explainable and quantifiable diagnosis. Then again, one of the therapists I talked to said my reasoning for that is probably because I'm a very black and white thinker because of my NVLD/Aspergers.

But really, on this site, one of my gripes is that it seems people who simply seem to be "nerds" sorta wanna jump on the Aspergers bandwagon, and yeah... As far as how I feel about it, well, I'm pretty terrible at identifying my own feelings, haha, but it more or less doesn't matter. The ratio of fake Aspergers to real Aspergers doesn't matter to me, because my life still has to go on, whether I have "Aspergers" or not. When I told my friend with real diagnosed Aspergers about my NVLD diagnosis, he told me "Stuff like that is only good for introspection." Which is more or less true, nobody's gonna help me, nobody's gonna hold my hand, I'm the one who must do everything for me. I do like knowing about my NVLD, as it's like, the truth, but in some ways I wish I could go back to my blissful ignorance about it, and not have it to think about. At the same time, I've figured out I can alleviate a lot of my problems by doing simple things, ie, athletics "works out" my right brain, too, so that side of my brain works better in other things.

Oh well, rambly thing here.

I agree AS diagnosis is quite complicated and most psychiatrists don't do their part and label everyone and anyone something or the other. Its quite easy to convince some psychiatrists while others won't budge.

But the attitude the author has towards social anxiety or introversion is annoying. I mean he thinks socializing is a piece of cake. He has no idea what being mute out of anxiety is like. He has no idea what actual anxiety can cause. It is not the hardest thing to go and talk to people but anxiety also causes overloads and meltdowns I believe.

Now going back to AS I think it is being differently wired in the brain that makes people feel different or think different. Anxiety is a condition anyone on or not on the spectrum can develop. For AS to be diagnosed correctly I believe it has to be a bit severe. I don't know if mild AS exists or doesn't.

From Lorna Wing's paper on AS (which defined it as it is today), where she addresses AS in comparison to the introverted individual:

"or experience a mild and very normal level of social awkwardness that would disappear if they stepped away from the computer for a few minutes."

That wouldn't even apply to me and a lot of older people since I had problems as long as I can remember but I didn't have any internet access until I was 23.

I was described as "shy" a lot when I was a kid. It was extreme enough that it was more than shyness. I don't know how they never diagnosed me with anything considering all the special classes and schools I was made to go to and even had to do a 30 day evaluation in a mental hospital.