Abused by those with BPD

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Self-awareness is what'll save you, not labelling and othering a bunch of people who beat you at the game.

Agreed.

This is cold and not true. aspi-rant isn't at fault for "losing the game" because someone preyed upon him. "The game" sounds like rationalization of predatory behavior, but I doubt people choose to be preyed upon, but other people choose to treat people as prey.



I read an interview with a doctor who does have a medication regimen that apparently helps his patients with BPD. I don't know if it's been validated beyond his practice or not, however.

No pills are "magic" although I think fraac's argument condemns any use of medication as being a victim.

Borderlines don't choose to treat people as prey. It's a defence mechanism. Blaming anyone is missing the point.

Calling people victims and telling them it's their fault is blaming.

Someone with BPD can be actively abusive, as can anyone. Someone with BPD can be passively/not intentionally abusive and people will likely still distance themselves for self-defense, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I did ask earlier in the thread as to whether people are being abused by other people or by a disorder. No one answered. I am assuming that people think they're being abused by a disorder since they emphasize it was by people with BPD.

Victimhood is an attitude; it's something you do to yourself, not something that happens to you. Bad things can happen to anyone.

"I am assuming that people think they're being abused by a disorder since they emphasize it was by people with BPD."

This makes no sense. They're being abused by people and either dealing with it or not.

I don't see an abusive relationship as game where anyone wins.

The only winning move is not to play. That doesn't stop them trying.

So when I was bullied in school to the point of violence (and constant harassment when there wasn't violence) it was because:

a) Students and teachers decided to bully me for some reason
b) I had a "victim" attitude

So when my abusive parent was abusive to me for every possible excuse he could come up with, it was because:

a) He treated people like garbage
b) I had a "victim" attitude

So when my abusive ex was abusive to me for every possible excuse she could come up with, it was because:

a) She treated people like garbage
b) I had a "victim" attitude

You see, people choose to engage in predatory behavior. Whatever the reason for that behavior, they initiated it. Abuse survivors don't choose to be abused. It's not a matter of "victim mentality" that causes these things to happen. People don't always have just an internal or an external locus of control. The reality is a mix. People can control a lot of things about their lives and environments, but a lot of things are beyond their control. Other people's actions are not something that you can easily blame on the targets of those actions, especially when it comes to abusive and predatory behavior.



Look at this thread and see how people emphasize and describe their relationships with people with BPD. Any negative experience they have with someone who has BPD is because of BPD. Everything negative is the BPD. So, are they dealing with a person or a disorder? It's a valid question.



There is no winning, there's only picking up the pieces afterward.



There is no such thing as "the game." That may be your model for approaching social relationships, but don't mistake the menu for the meal. You can't eat menus and most people aren't trying to score points off of you.

I don't think you can talk about relationships with borderlines without referring to the game. Also, you have relationships with people, not 'disorders'. I'm astounded that autistics would be so casual in pathologising people and saying they're being abused by a condition, when they expect other people to treat them as equals. Even calling BPD a disorder is hypocritical.

Re victimhood: bad things can happen to anyone. Internalising it, whining and blaming, is victimy. Not cool.

If someone abuses you, it's their fault, and blame is entirely appropriate.
Where's your whole "not cool" attitude when it comes to those who abuse in the first place?

Thing is abuse is intentional...so if one does not have the intention of hurting others emotionally or physically then I do not see it as abuse, since usually abuse is a power thing. Not saying people with BPD cannot be abusive but I do not think that is a symptom of BPD.

Was this person actually diagnosed or are you assuming that is the disorder they have?

You don't understand what I am saying if you think I am saying that people are being abused by a condition, since that is exactly the opposite of what I am saying. I have questioned why other people seem to be saying that they're being abused by a disorder rather than a person.

I don't know how calling borderline personality disorder a disorder is hypocritical. I also refer to autism as a disorder. I am in fact currently diagnosed with two labels that explicitly include the word disorder, and one label which is sometimes described as a disorder and sometimes as a syndrome (that is: major depressive disorder, attention deficitit/hyperactivity disorder, and Asperger's Syndrome or Asperger's Disorder). In 2013, people on the autistic spectrum will be diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. I do not see or understand the point of reframing these things as "conditions" except to pretend that they're not really disabling. It would be hypocritical of me to act as if such a thing were the case.



This is such a weasely, victim-blaming way to put this. Have you ever heard of post-traumatic stress disorder? Acute stress reactions? Trauma? Experiencing sustained and/or severe trauma (such as abuse) can alter your neurology, change how your brain works so that you are hypervigilant and find it very easy to ruminate over past trauma, to the point that vivid recollections can be triggered by just about anything that reminds you of that trauma.

There is nothing wrong with people trying to process and understand things that have happened to them, especially abuse. There is nothing wrong with people talking about how other people have preyed upon them and treated them badly. Talking about it isn't internalizing it (it is likely already internalized after having to live with it), and saying "so-and-so abused me" is valid blame.

Telling people not to talk about abuse they've experienced? Not cool.

Last edited by Verdandi on 25 Dec 2011, 8:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well I agree it is stupid to assume everyone with a certain disorder will abuse others, but it seems in the last few posts you've been defending abusive behavior.......its the victims fault if they are abused? that's a load of crap actually, people should not intentionally cause harm to others in the first place.

You said what I was trying to say over several paragraphs in only a few sentences.