Have you ever been excluded, banned or blacklisted?

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Joined: 4 Jan 2012
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 207

24 Feb 2012, 5:00 am

First of all, I am not a 'she'. I also have a fresh diagnosis of PDD-NOS.
I'm going to assume that is an "honest" mistake (laziness, as my profile says 'male'), and not another insult (it is a worse insult to women, anyway).
The diagnosis is fresh. The guy is not.
I am glad I got the diagnosis late, so I didn't grow up thinking my disorder grants me rights to insult people.

I exploded when I read Invader's reply, as you probably got, and apologize. Not to Invader, but to innocent bystanders.
I almost puked, that's how angry I got from his insulting, patronizing (and misguided) replies. If anyone had said that to me irl, I would have hit. and I don't ever hit people.
I've never won a fight, and my last one was in grade school.

I'm finding it hard to understand why it's perfectly acceptable for an aspie to "tell the truth" but not for me to say what I have to say. Odd.
Especially since the world I grew up in was the same as yours.
Is it the name of the diagnosis that does it? Only a bona-fide, early diagnosed Aspie *really* suffers?
This site is a little bit like going through my teenage years in reverse. My thoughts and feelings are all over the place, yet somehow ALL invalid, and nobody offers explanations.
Almost 40 years of hard, active conforming isn't just going to go away because I join a random forum.
I agree I should educate myself on the ways you people talk to each other, but I don't agree I have to shut the f**k up while doing it.

Posters here are as diverse as people anywhere else, but apparently I have to learn to conform one more time. Not sure I can be bothered.
Maybe I should ask my son to join this forum, since you'd be better parents to him.
He could learn from you guys how to hate the ocean he swims in.

The_Final_Boss
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 20 Feb 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 73

24 Feb 2012, 6:14 am

Warsie wrote:

Banned from many (okay, not a LOT of) forums

When I was around 13 / 14 I got banned for trolling a certain forum. Then I realised I could still access it from school, so got the whole school banned from it.

Another time, I had my own forum, and banned someone. Then they set up their own forum, and I trolled them there and I think I got banned.

_________________
Your Aspie score: 102 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 98 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits

Longshanks
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24 Feb 2012, 7:46 am

hyperlexian wrote:

Invader wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

Invader, you insulted Unspecified first (calling her words "typical NT nonsense"), and she responded to that (inappropriately). saying that you feel sorry for someone's kid is also not acceptable as it is insulting.

Unspecified, your reaction to Invader was also not acceptable, i.e. telling him to "f**k himself". if a member is insulting you, please contact a moderator or you will be held accountable as well - even if they started it.

Longshanks, that is not helpful. she has been dealing with this issue for 17 years (longer as she also has a diagnosis of her own). your remarks are dismissive and make unfair assumptions about her parenting. and she is correct that Invader's remark about NTs is untrue - ALL NTs do not behave in any particular way, just like ALL aspies don't just act one particular way.

Calling illogical ramblings "nonsense" isn't an insult, it's an evaluation of what she said, not an evaluation of her. Am I supposed to say nonsensical gibberish makes perfect sense? If someone says something which is completely untrue, I am expected to agree with them simply because they may be unappy if I disagree?

This is exactly what the discussion is about, the perception of certain facts as being negative does not in any way invalidate them.

And why is she permitted to disagree with me, if I can't disagree with her? Surely I am just as prone to be offended by her nonsense as she is to be offended by me calling it nonsense. Who decides whose feelings of being offended have the most validity? This is why trying to place manners on a pedastal above logic or reasoning is ridiculous and stupid, the definition of what is rude and what is not is entirely subjective and varies from person to person. You think I'm rude believing that logic and truth are more important than pretending to smile at people who know you're only pretending to smile, well I think you're just as rude for trying to devalue that belief of mine. Now what?

And I do feel sorry for the kid. Don't even start trying to tell me that I can't even express legitimate sympathy.

you accused her of insulting you, so i pointed out that you insulted her in a similar way first. and then in your post after that you insulted her further. your opinions are not objective facts, just like hers are not. therefore when you state your opinion it is not as though you are simply making an objective statement - you're drawing a subjective conclusion. and that can be offensive indeed. it's partly dependent on it is delivered.

What irks me is how condescending you get, Hyperlexian. It rubs me the wrong way. It seems I'm not the only person that needs to work on affect.

Longshanks

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Supporter of the Brian Terry Foundation @ www.honorbrianterry.com. Special Agent Brian Terry (1970-2010) was murdered as a direct result of Operation Fast & Furious - which Barry O won't discuss - wonder why?

Last edited by Longshanks on 24 Feb 2012, 9:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

Bun
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24 Feb 2012, 8:09 am

Unspecified wrote:

Longshanks wrote:

Invader wrote:

Frequently. People don't like honesty, and prefer to ignore facts if they happen to be unpleasant in some way or another.

1) I love your avatar! My compliments!
2) You are completely right on your statement.
3) We get the last laugh when we say, "I told you so!"

Longshanks

Yes, but if you think about it a little bit, what exactly is the gain for anyone if that truth happens to be "Wow, you're fat and ugly" or "you have a big mustache for a woman!" or other things my son still (at 17) tells people?

Isn't that a bit like telling anyone here that "wow, you don't behave like the rest of us, do you?"?

You're right that there's no gain in that, but it's not an exclusively Aspie trait. In fact, I had to learn how to deal with those comments after hearing them from NTs (or at least, people perceived by me as NTs). I'd say your son's disability isn't the only factor in his behaviour, maybe he doesn't understand how it feels to be belittled for appearance. But don't forget how many of us have been bullied as well.

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Unspecified
Sea Gull

Joined: 4 Jan 2012
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 207

24 Feb 2012, 8:56 am

Bun wrote:

You're right that there's no gain in that, but it's not an exclusively Aspie trait.

Of course not. I never said it was, either.
I haven't said that I think Invader's extrapolation from one point (trying to avoid hurting a random person's feelings doesn't equal a systematic departure from truth and logic) was an aspie trait either.

Quote:

In fact, I had to learn how to deal with those comments after hearing them from NTs (or at least, people perceived by me as NTs). I'd say your son's disability isn't the only factor in his behaviour, maybe he doesn't understand how it feels to be belittled for appearance. But don't forget how many of us have been bullied as well.

I don't think he understands that his statements can be perceived as insulting at all.
His impulsive insulting statements are not *meant* to be insulting. There is no malice in this boy. He doesn't tell people they're fat or ugly or smell bad to get back at them for bullying him. He does not enjoy making people sad, and his confusion and remorse when he realizes he did is heartbreaking.
He certainly knows about bullying (as do I), and he's pretty good at answering for himself if he feels wronged, but his sense of justice is very strong, and he would never lash out at someone other than the bully.
Parenting is never easy, nor is anything black and white. We are people.

Invader wrote:

You think I'm rude believing that logic and truth are more important than pretending to smile at people who know you're only pretending to smile

No. I think you're rude because you think that belief gives you carte blanche to insult me as a person and a parent. You went far beyond that issue. You have no idea how I think, but decided based on one simple statement that I was a good target for your general disgust with people.

Bun
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24 Feb 2012, 9:34 am

I didn't say he does that to get back at people. I said NTs are blunt towards people who are different as well, and we're not always the aggressors. I assumed you brought up your son as an example of AS behaviour. I hear of it being Aspie behaviour, but from my experience with regular schools, the street etc., it's not like that.

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Unspecified
Sea Gull

Joined: 4 Jan 2012
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 207

24 Feb 2012, 9:55 am

Bun wrote:

Ah. I in no way tried to imply that NTs don't insult people or that insulting people is an autistic trait.
Not realizing that he sometimes insults people by saying what's on his mind is a trait that my son has, that I have generally attributed to his autism. Letting him know that it is not always necessary to point out that people are ugly or fat, because they often already know this and often get their feelings hurt, seems fair enough to me. YMMV.

Bun
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24 Feb 2012, 10:06 am

Yeah, I think it's fair enough.

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hyperlexian
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24 Feb 2012, 2:07 pm

Unspecified wrote:

laziness. sorry about that.

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hyperlexian
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24 Feb 2012, 2:10 pm

Longshanks wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

Invader wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

What irks me is how condescending you get, Hyperlexian. It rubs me the wrong way. It seems I'm not the only person that needs to work on affect.

Longshanks

i don't defer to you like some people seem to. i suppose that could come across as condescending.

i am not shy to speak my mind, and it doesn't bother me if that seems condescending. i am an aspie.

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hyperlexian
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24 Feb 2012, 2:13 pm

Bun wrote:

AS individuals often definitely ARE more blunt/tactless than NTs on average. it's a defined trait.

some NTs are that way too, but you are assuming that those random people on the street or at school are NOT aspies when in fact they could be.

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eigerpere
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Joined: 23 Feb 2012
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24 Feb 2012, 2:17 pm

Story of my life. Being autie is a risk factor, evidently.

Longshanks
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24 Feb 2012, 2:19 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

Longshanks wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

Invader wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

What irks me is how condescending you get, Hyperlexian. It rubs me the wrong way. It seems I'm not the only person that needs to work on affect.

Longshanks

i don't defer to you like some people seem to. i suppose that could come across as condescending.

i am not shy to speak my mind, and it doesn't bother me if that seems condescending. i am an aspie.

That doesn't excuse it. And seeing as I do defend your right to express yourself, don't you dare abridge my right to express myself. Oh, by the way, your welcome.

Longshanks

hyperlexian
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24 Feb 2012, 2:27 pm

i can and will remind you of proper behaviour if you are causing a problem on the forum. you have no "rights" here. you have the privilege of posting, which can be revoked.

when i told you that you rubbed me the wrong way, i was telling you that because you said (as bolded):

Quote:

Hyperlexian, I believe, if you read my post carefully, I stated that not all NT's are that way. And yeah, she's rubbing a few people the wrong way, myself among them. Abrasiveness begets abrasiveness. That's human nature. If she doesn't want an abrasive response, she should govern her emotions enough not to tick the rest of us off.

you were making excuses that another person somehow incited you to become abrasive because of how they posted. i disagreed - my point was that you were abrasive before that person ever posted anything. i hope that clears it up for you.

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Longshanks
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24 Feb 2012, 4:02 pm

His tone offended me. And I don't appreciate your tone, either. I was not making excuses. Yes, I suppose that I can be banned from the site. But even if you ban me it still does not take away from the fact that you offended me - rather, it only hides it. You, madam, have offended me, and that is all there is to it.

Longshanks

hyperlexian
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24 Feb 2012, 4:10 pm

Longshanks wrote:

how you feel about my tone is not significant to me, and it is unrelated to the fact that you responded offensively to another member. i pointed out that your abrasive approach preceded your reaction to the member on this thread, so it cannot be used as an excuse for your approach.

you can find me as offensive as you want - that is unrelated to your post towards the other member.

you seem to think that people should approach you in a certain way, but on WP you do not have any clout. all members follow the same rules, and you do not have any special status here.

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