Adults with Aspergers Seem 'Normal' to Me

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thanx!

Most adult aspies are good at covering up the disorder. People say that i look normal as well, but sooner or later, the other shoe drops and they notice that I'm not.

I haven't read the whole thread, so I apologize if this example or point has been made already.

If you're having difficulty understanding how older Aspies can appear 'normal' and yet be considered disabled, think about a person with the inability to walk. They can get around in a wheelchair or on crutches, but that doesn't mean they are not disabled. The need for those things in deed proves their disability.

Processing time, sensory overload, inability to read others are all part of the disability. Practicing interactions, controlling exposure to environmental elements, and reading up on body language, social cues, and social norms function as the wheelchair or crutches. With many years and experiences those facilitate a normal appearance, but they are still necessary to function normally. The disability is still there. It's just being compensated for.

Hope this helps in creating an understanding.

There was once a newbie in my sports group. I was very happy that there was another woman in the group, so I started talking to her in the changing rooms. She had an unusual accent. Then my instructor told me to teach the newbie some basic exercises, and then all of us did the usual training together.

At the end of the training, while the newbie wasn't around, the instructor told us she was deaf, so we should look at her while talking to her. We looked at each other completely stunned, because nobody had realized it.

This person is deaf, however she (and I am pretty sure also many others) can "hide" it perfectly. I don't think her capability of doing so makes her any less deaf...

Erm. The reason he told you to look at her when speaking, is so she can lip read you.

We know. That's not the point of this example.
Everyone knows you're supposed to look directly at a deaf person's face. Why? Because then they can read your lips. Yet, none of these people knew she couldn't hear a thing, so they took no notice of this. That's quite impressive on the deaf chick's part, being able to camouflage such a deficiency, 'hiding it' in plain sight.

Last edited by Blueberrypie on 21 Apr 2012, 2:06 pm, edited 2 times in total.

There's really no such thing as "normal." Nobody's "normal." There are people who have problems besides Asperger's. And even NTs don't always have it easy. They have problems, too. "Neurotypical" only means someone who doesn't have Asperger's, that's all. Since Asperger's isn't obvious, like a wheelchair or a hearing aid, there's no way to "tell" who has it. Plus, most of the time, we're just acting "normal." I read that people with Asperger's are good at acting and mimicing others, so we can fit in. But I am also tired of hearing, "there's nothing wrong with you. You're fine." Just because people can't see our Asperger's, it doesn't mean it isn't there. It's like the tree falling in the woods. If it falls and no one hears it, does it make a sound? Or like debating the existence of Santa Claus. Does he not exist, just because we can't see him? Maybe we should do like the Whos in Whoville did in Horton Hears a Who? and shout out, "WE ARE HERE!! ! WE ARE HERE!! ! WE ARE HERE!! !"

Mostly, this is because after years of torment, we learned how to "act" normal in public. Most people would not suspect me of being autistic on first meeting me. However, those who have known me for years, or even just for a few weeks, realize thast I am not REALLY like them. No matter how hard I try to fit in.
Superficially, I have had decades of experience with dealing with NTs, so I pretend to look at their eyes when speaking, etc. However, problems still exist for me in relationships, narrow interests, repetitive movements.
Society & very harsh parenting in my case gives me the ability to play act, but that is all it is mostly. I know other people do not experience bright light(s)/shrill sounds near my level of pain. To choose just one obvious example.

Sincerely,
Matthew

People with aspergers are not the only ones with neurological differences, so I find that definition a bit faulty...If I say neurotypical I mean neurotypical not anyone without aspergers syndrome.

Also one might not be able to tell if someone has aspergers or not, but they can certainly tell if you're a bit different...not to mention I don't typically act normal, I don't know how and I am pretty horrid at acting and mimicing others and have never fit in. But many people with aspergers do I guess.

If your hiding your deaf, how is the other person supposed to know. That is just silly, that just is causing a huge problem for yourself.

Point of fact:

I am very good at hiding both physical ills (unless I tell someone, no one ever knows I have Crohn's disease unless they catch me at a very bad spot) as well as emotional/psychic pain.
There is a part of your brain that tells you to hide weaknesses. It has been buried deep by society, but nonetheless. There was a time Sick=eaten by predator.

It is not unusual for Aspies to cover-up their problems. I do it, in regards to my CD & being on the spectrum.

Because being different=bullied. Very similar to above, just not as permanent!!

All you are seeing is people who have learned to pretend/playact being like you. If you spent 6 months with any adult person with Asperger's you would realize they were not what they usually pretended at..

Something can exist, even if you do not see it (most of the Universe, in fact! LOL)!

Matthew

The answer is self-evident and fairly obvious:
Humiliation. Social-anathema. Discrimination. Treated with pity. The list goes on, but people with deficiences have realized that humans are superficial, judgemental and prone to disregard/avoid others outside of the norm. Why? Because it's a lot easier to live life with friends and loved ones that isn't pinned down by debilitating situations and or syndromes.

The weak are left behind as the flock moves on.

I am exaggerating to make a point. Still, the chick told the instructor of her impariment, whom relayed it to the other participants in the class. No big deal.

[Edited - Grammar]

Last edited by Blueberrypie on 21 Apr 2012, 2:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sometimes other people are not supposed to know. Actually, in the context I was describing, it was quite irrelevant.

My example just meant that at least some people can pass by "normal" even if they have "significant" impairments - especially if those around them can't "spot" subtle cues that would make them think there is something "wrong" with these seemingly "normal" people.

Moreover, people can learn to cope with their impairments and live a full life (like the deaf woman I was talking about), even when the impairment per se is not "cured".


[edited for grammar mistakes]

And don't forget, some people can pass for normal for a few minutes, a few hours, even a few days but because it's an act they can't keep it up indefinately. They can't keep it up long enough to hold a job, keep a friendship going or enough to do what they need to do on a day when the effort is too much.

So? And your point is?

Of course they seem normal, having AS does not make us look any different. I seem normal most of the times too. Of lot of autistic folks I have seen at my groups, they all seem normal and only few of them looked obviously different just by their gait or posture or whatever. But with my husband it's a different story because he can tell they all have it just by the way they act and talk and I can't even tell. He has been around them too and he has seen me in them.

You forgot the third criterion. It has to cause distress. And two out of three will suffice (though distress and dysfunction without deviance--grieving, for example--are often brought to the attention of psychologists, it's not called a mental illness). So, if someone is functioning just fine, but under such huge levels of stress that they eventually burn out, then that's a disorder. And that's exactly the situation that many independent adult Aspies are in.

Ironically, I've seen this reluctance to say that people who "seem normal" are disabled before, and often in people who are professionals--therapists, counselors, psychologists, nurses. There seems to be this desire to differentiate themselves from their patients, to create a broad gap between disabled and not disabled. The idea that disability is always obvious and severe has been discredited thousands of times over, but some people still seem unable to understand that it is possible to be disabled without looking disabled, especially to the casual observer. In reality, disability can be very slight, and it can be totally invisible. There is no broad gap. There's no gap at all.