Had my evaluation... Total nightmare

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Since I was in my 20s I suspected autism. Never thought I could go anywhere with that tho'. What do you do? Walk up to a doctor and say "I think I'm autistic."?

Then, a few months ago, my therapist, out of the clear blue, asked me if I'd ever been evaluated for autism.

I was stunned.

We talked a bit, including about my having long suspected it.

The therapist ended up saying "You tell your doctor I want you evaluated for autism".

I went to my doctor and it was like a light went on for the first time. The look on the doctor's face, it was like all the puzzle pieces suddenly came together.

"Good catch" the doctor said, and so the search for someone to do the evaluation began.

It seemed to me that it was just a matter of time before I was diagnosed.

With the guy who did the evaluation not really talking to me until AFTER he said I wasn't autistic, and the claims he made about personality, caring about others, and how I did with the plastic blocks, everything I knew about variation in people on the spectrum told me the guy was totally in the dark, and that I hadn't gotten a good "examination" by a qualified person.

Pretty much everyone here seems to agree.

I liked the photo of the toy duck the best. Sort of hard to not understand the meaning.

Then the guy who evaluated you seems to have a very narrow understanding of the autism spectrum in my opinion if the only two things he found were your organization skills (which was minor) and caring about others (which some autistic people actually have compasion and empathy) go get another evaluation with someone who actually knows autism

As many people on WP said, a diagnosis means a kind of closure. I myself have been wondering all my life why I've been struggling in many ways that others don't. A diagnosis explains many things and it would be a relief to have an explanation for your life-long struggle. So I think it is very understandable that we, who suspect ASD, seek a diagnosis.

A "professional" is usually very stubborn, even very incompetent ones. They would persist with their opinions even if they are not very well-founded. Especially when a patient disagrees, they become even more stubborn. When that happens, you can only leave them alone and seek someone else who is competent.

I've worked as a nightwatchman for over 20 years, because all I have to do is stay awake and watch a gate. I was fired as a grocery bagger because I couldn't keep up / stay focused. I was fired from a car wash for the same reason. And fast food. It's likely I will never merry or have kids or even friends. That is what it means to be autistic to me.

This is why I think people should not decide a head of time that they have autism and have the attitude that the diagnostician is supposed to confirm their suspicions. I just see someone with that attitude being automatically dismissed. Some of the people here don't sound the least bit truly autistic to me either. They have some social awkwardness/anxiety and a few quirks... but they've held demanding careers, are married have kids, have actual friends etc. For me being autistic means being separate from all that and being completely unable to attain any of it. Outside of close family, I have no real connection to anyone in any way whatsoever. I've only been able to operate on a minimal level in life. I have a simplistic job. I live alone in a studio apartment. Outside of family, No one ever comes to my door. No one ever calls me. I'm by myself 90% of the time. And I like it that way. That's how it's always been. Simple and tranquil. I pretty much need to be left to myself most of the time. If I'm not at home alone, I'm wandering around by myself. That's been my adult life for the last 33 years. So when I hear someone with a full life, career, wife, kids, friends etc. talking about being autistic... well, I don't quite get it.

To me autism hasn't been about someone having difficulties living a standard normal life. I'm incapable of living a standard normal life.

I certainly haven't had any jobs for 20 years (more like 5-6 months tops, and worked maybe 10% of my adult life on the outside), but I think that you're making a common mistake that people make here, wherein they set themselves as the bar for what constitutes real autism, without acknowledging that autism is a spectrum and many people are mild and others not so much. Impairments are possible while maintaining careers, family, and so on. Just having those things does not mean that one is not actually impaired, and they likely either invest a lot of energy into these things, possibly to the point of exhaustion, or they end up neglecting them until eventually they may no longer have them.

If I started from a stance similar to yours, I would have to conclude that you couldn't be autistic because you could at least hold the same job for 20 years. But that's taking your statement out of context and ignoring the fact that the particular job is compatible with your needs where others were not and you lost those jobs. I know one woman who used to post here somewhat regularly who has a fairly successful career in IT and two daughters, but there were times before she got that job that she was homeless, and was actually getting negative performance reviews because of her inability to socialize in a typical fashion.

For me Autism is not having any real friends after 29 years of life.

I hear what you're saying and agree. I'm just having trouble getting some of what sounds so fishy. I'm hoping I'm expressing my reservations in trying to understand it better, rather than just being cynical.

I think for me at the age of 50, what kind of bothers me the most about that is, if I die in my sleep, no one is going to notice. There isn't going to be any "friends started to worry after they hadn't heard from him in over a week". The landlord would probably be the first and only one to notice after a month due to lack of rent being paid.

What happen to your family. My family would freak out if they couldn't get a hold of me, hell, my coworkers would probably freak out to if I didn't show up and they couldn't get a hold of me.

I am sure someone would notice you missing.

Thank you, Verdandi. I:

-am self-diagnosed (at my age and gender, I don't think I could get an "official" one at this point)
-hold two jobs (online teacher and cashier, both part-time)
-become quite drained after each shift to the point where I need a nap when I get home, before I resume work for my teaching position
-have a few people I consider "friends", but I definitely need time to myself, which I treasure as essential (and enjoyable)
-know that AS explains my lifelong "weirdness"

I am mild to moderate, depending on what day it is. I don't need a "professional" to confirm or deny that.

@briankelley: that is your experience, and your life. What I described is mine, and other people on here have described their own. IMO, all of us are on the spectrum.

I do think that, often, we know ourselves better than any doctor could, especially after having thought about it, in detail, for so long.

Brian-

As a couple people have said, you yourself may not be aware of the variations possible that can still leave someone on the spectrum.

As for you not having friends, do you realize that at least some of us here who do have the quality of empathy already feel a measure of friendship with you, just because of the things you've said here?

You're not alone. You just may not realize it.

I have people in my life who never struck me as having a close bond with me, but when I had a serious situation arise, they stepped right in and provided quite a bit of help. It's possible that while I can't form the bonds others do with each other or grasp how such bonds are formed (this is part of why I've suspected autism), they've formed such bonds with me and I never perceived it until there was solid proof. (And yet even now I can't quite feel it.)

You aren't alone, Brian. We're here and there could be others much closer who are there for you as well.

It's just difficult to work all that out for a lot of us.

Look. I'm saying "us" as if... You know what I mean.

Understandable. I don't think you're necessarily wrong. Whether or not the OP is autistic, his description of why he was not diagnosed does not sound very thorough or competent.

A quack, nah, just the whole duck pond

Aspies have different levels of functionality, this doctor seems not to know this. I can't hide a lot of the Aspie traits, so I pass as mostly normal, although a little offbeat.

I'll use myself as an example:-

I am extremely resistant to cold, hunger and pain. I am very creative, I have a lot of crafts (although the crafts have a sole focus), I cannot maintain eye contact, but I fake it very well. I am extremely uncomfortable is a lot of social situations, but I fake this too. I have a sense of humor, that ranges from average to extremely bizzare. I know how I feel, but I cannot understand how anyone else feels, although I can get an idea when someone shows extreme emotions. I stim on occasion, and can be overloaded with sound and information. When an injustice occurs to me I cannot forget it, reliving it over and over. A caveat here, I got a very serious concussion in 2009, got brain damage and amnesia. It helped me forget a lot of past transgressions, but I lost a lot of other memories also.

This is just a general view on me as an Aspie, and if your Doctor goes by the stereotypical approach to Aspergers, then you will never be diagnosed, and I would not be diagnosed either.

As to the pattern matching, I can do that, and have a very high degree of spacial awareness, but this is just one trait of many, and not every Aspie or Autistic has it.

Go to a professional that has qualifications in diagnosing the Autistic spectrum.

CHARLES you sound a bit like
me =) we should talk sometime.

*crowns you autism king*