I Dislike the term 'ret*d'...

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cyberdad
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05 Aug 2013, 7:46 pm

Jasper1 wrote:

Saying the word "ret*d" is a problem for me. It's a word I tend to throw around a lot when I'm upset at people. I've used it jokingly too. I once said a "ret*d" joke and it turned out that the person I said it to had a handicapped son. I felt so f***ing bad, and in fact I felt "ret*d" for saying it. Ever since then I've been trying to stop myself from saying the word, and trying to dismiss it in my mind when the word starts wanting to surface.

I feel like a "ret*d" myself a lot of times and know people think that way about me sometimes, so I have a general insensitivity to it. It's kind of like since I'm a "ret*d" myself it shouldn't really matter if I use the term. It's kind of like how some racial groups embrace derogatory names that were used against them in the past and they appropriate the word, change it slightly, and give it new meaning.

However, I know this isn't the same thing at all. There is no general consensus that it's an ok word at all in any groups, and it's a very harsh and hurtful word, so yeah, I'm actively trying to get it out of my vocabulary.

I trust after reading KORs posts you'll think twice before flippantly using that word. If you suffer discrimination, physical and verbal abuse every day of your life because you are "labelled" intellectually handicapped then that person experiences constant trauma. You might want to be aware that hearing or reading the word r.e.t.a.r.d.e.d. can likely trigger PTSD in that person like somebody who has lived in a war zone or suffered years of sexual abuse.

naturalplastic
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05 Aug 2013, 9:17 pm

League_Girl wrote:

Honestly the word doesn't bother me. We say stupid or weak or idiot or moron and none of those words bother people in a way the term ret*d does or ret*d.

I used to say it all the time as a phrase and seemed to have grown out of it. I just say it's dumb now or stupid but I am still insulting the mute and the unintelligent.

If we called someone that word, then it's another story.

Ironic that you should that because the word "ret*d" was originally coined by psychiatrists in the 1930's as a euphemism. A euphemism for...words like "idiot", "imbecile", and"moron", which they had actually been using as actual diagnostic terms up to that point. They that those words were too perjorative and nasty so they came up with a fancy french word for "delayed" as the new more clinical sounding term. By the Fifties "ret*d" had left the clinical confines and was on the lips of every grade school kid on the playground as an insult. And today they are searching for euphemisms for that term (which was originally a euphemism itsself).

Jasper1
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05 Aug 2013, 9:47 pm

cyberdad wrote:

Well yeah, the quote you responded to, I pretty much stated that I realized how hurtful of a word it is. It basically took me accidentally hurting someone I actually really liked to be woken up to it. The look on their face, and the way I felt about it when I found out still bothers me to this day, and that was quite a few years ago.

It was pretty much a misguided attempt to be "cool" and "jokey" and a bit of an A Hole just to fit in at a job where it seemed like the more offensive you were, and the more you acted like an insensitive jerk, the more people liked you. It started to rub off on me, because at the time I was younger, felt the need to fit in, and was experimenting with trying to fit in and act like everyone else. It really wasn't worth it, but I did learn a valuable lesson that day.

I actually confessed this to a guy I knew that was one of those as*hole insensitive jerks, cause we got along. He said that even he avoids that word and topic, and that I made a pretty big social mistake. That really clued me into the fact that these A holes are really liked because some of them do have boundaries that they don't cross in order to NOT come across as COMPLETE jerks. I guess it's a fine balancing act.

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07 Aug 2013, 3:51 pm

Those are not nice words, but this is so stupid.

If we want to be seen on strong, we need to stop complaining about being called this or that. Also, when will the enforcement of language on others end anyway? We call things stupid or dumb all the time. This too will pass into obscurity.

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07 Aug 2013, 5:39 pm

Argh, I have hated this word so much.

People have called me this as a kid and I told them I wasn't but they said 'You do x, y, & z, so therefore you are." And I started to cry and this would happen every day for a long time.

While teachers say they want to stop bullying, they do nothing to enforce it because of crappy state unions and the set amount of money.

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07 Aug 2013, 9:20 pm

Magnus_Rex wrote:

They are just words. Nothing more than tools for communication. I call myself a ret*d whenever I do the slightest mistake. In fact, I consider myself socially ret*d.

I basically got ostracised from an LGBT support group for calling myself socially ret*d. That was gay,

Okay, I'm really sorry, people. You can kill me if you want, now.

Seriously, though, I was hurt that they would judge me so harshly on one slip of the colloquial tongue. I tried to explain that I'm not a horrible person, really - but they were too stuffy to accept my apology - so I stopped going to the support group.

For the record, I've have never, ever called anyone ret*d except myself. But that's not a good enough excuse.

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Last edited by puddingmouse on 07 Aug 2013, 9:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

puddingmouse
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07 Aug 2013, 9:31 pm

Janissy wrote:

ParaSait wrote:

Meh, I'm queer and I call stupid things gay]

Notice how you referred to yourself as "queer" rather than "gay". You have put emotional space between what you call yourself and a term you use as an insult. Yet the original chain of meaning still exists. "gay" gets used as a generic insult to mean "something I dislike and that has no redeemable qualities". It is a very short leap to calling YOU "something I dislike and that has no redeemable qualities". That's how it became an insult in the first place, which you know as shown by your next sentences. Trying to outrun the insult by using "queer" to refer to yourself is a losing battle. The original chain of meaning is still in place. And in fact "gay" is still in common use in its' non-insult connotation too.

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Words like that are just so overused in the slang context that they lose their original meaning entirely. There's not really a point in being offended by it because if someone uses ret*d in the insult sense, he rarely actually means mental retardation.
Also for example, b***h became so deformed in meaning that it's kinda awkward to use word if you actually mean female dog lol.

After many decades of insult-only use and a new word in ubiquitous use for the original word, that is true. But what has to happen is for the language to change so much that people who are not linguists aren't even aware of the original meaning. That certainly hasn't happened yet with "gay". Pretty much all but the very youngest users of that insult are well aware it references same sex attraction. Ditto for "ret*d". All users (I think even young ones) know that it references intellectual disability. "b***h" may be slowly getting divorced from "female dog" in some minds, but it Is still in use and the chain of meaning is still there.

The core problem, and one that isn't solved by coining new terms such as "queer" or "intellectual disability" to outrun the insults (or re-appropriate them in the case of "queer") is the original judgement that X="something I dislike and that has no redeeming qualities". As long as people judge certain people as inherently contemptuous because of trait X, then insult use of whatever refers to them will always catch up to new terms. This will happen as long as a certain trait is seen as contemptuous.

Not everyone who calls themselves queer is gay. It's a catch-all for any LGBT person or movement. I call myself queer and I'm bisexual.

I wanna start a meme of using bisexual as an insult. 'I'm not watching The Apprentice, it's so bisexual' :lol:

Just to see the confused look on people's faces. It's too much a clinical-sounding term to genuinely be used in an insulting way (like homosexual is never used as an insult, whereas gay is.) However, I know just doing it as a joke though would upset other bisexuals because the ones I've met on 'the scene' seem to have had a humour bypass. So it's not worth the accusations of being an evil fascist, or a self-hating bi.

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puddingmouse
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07 Aug 2013, 9:47 pm

Jasper1 wrote:

Censoring thoughts like that is kind of futile and unhealthy. I just try and avoid saying it because people have been offended even by me using the word to refer to myself (which is the only way I have used it in speech.) I don't like offending people and can't be arsed having arguments about semantics, but my mind is utterly free range.

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KingdomOfRats
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07 Aug 2013, 9:51 pm

puddingmouse wrote:

Magnus_Rex wrote:

They are just words. Nothing more than tools for communication. I call myself a ret*d whenever I do the slightest mistake. In fact, I consider myself socially ret*d.

I basically got ostracised from an LGBT support group for calling myself socially ret*d. That was gay,

that is diferent,they shoudnt have had a tantrum over someone refering to themself and themself alone,why woud they kill over it though? were they militant folks?

the problem with 'ret*d' is its mainly used to act as a comparison for calling something stupid, that indirectly calls us stupid,regardless of how people intend to use it,it strips us of our humanity and any dignity and achievements we have made,we are knocked down every time this word is used,it mocks us not the target intended.

some people have also got confusion over it as a medical label,it no longer exists,in america they have been using intelectual disability for several years informaly,and in may this year it wasnt just autism that got overhauled but thankfuly they finaly got rid of 'mental retardation' as well which is an ancient outdated throwback to history,our impairment comes from having a limited mental capacity not from having a slow brain,this label as a medical term did nothing but wrongly inform/educate and limit how people viewed us plus it has been nothing but a curse with bullying for disabled kids in modern years,am glad its gone,coudnt give a stuff if people think it violates their right to spread disablist crap on the internet; they arent the ones directly affected by these terms and dont have to live with the fallout of them.

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07 Aug 2013, 10:05 pm

^ I was saying people could kill me over jokingly using the the word 'gay' like I did (to refer to the LGBT group ostracising me.) I never use the word gay like that in normal speech.

They weren't militant, just a bit keen to totally eradicate any usage of the 'r' word.

I have a confession to make: I've called myself a spazz and referred to my dancing as 'spazzy.' My sister used to call me that constantly when I was younger, so I got desensitised to the word. It didn't upset me much because I don't have cerebral palsy but to people who do, it's bad to hear that word used in any context. I'm going to try and avoid referring to myself like that, as well as stop calling myself ret*d. I'm still going to think sometimes, though 'God, I'm such a ret*d spazz!' Making them taboo to even think will just make me more likely to actually say them.

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07 Aug 2013, 10:12 pm

I don't like that word, and I never did. I'm with the OP and KingdomOfRats.

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nintendogurl1990
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08 Aug 2013, 12:41 pm

I totally agree. People don't seem to realize how hurtful that term is. It's just like saying "That's so gay." They're associating them with something bad. Whatever happened to "That's so lame?"

cyberdad
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08 Aug 2013, 7:52 pm

puddingmouse wrote:

Calling yourself a particular derogatory term/label and openly saying the term in front of somebody who has experienced bullying using the same word are two different things.

On a parallel subject there is a debate among Afro_Americans re: using the n-word to describe themselves. It may (on appearances) be harmless when calling yourself derogatory and inflammatory terms but evidence suggests it erodes your self esteem.

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08 Aug 2013, 8:05 pm

^ It erodes your self-esteem more than thinking it does?

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