What do NTs hate so much about us?

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Ok, I shouldn't have said many, but MOST.

When I was a kid, most of the people in my class didn't like me. In high school, it even spread out to more than just my class. People would talk about me behind my back. Sometimes when I would meet someone for the first time, I would tell them my name, and they would already know who I was, but I never did find out what they were saying about me.

I was only invited to parties a couple of times in my entire life. I didn't like parties, (I felt really awkward and anxious the whole time. If someone started talking to me, I never knew what to say after "hi", and they would just walk away) but at the same time, I was disappointed that no one ever invited me to their parties.

When I was a kid, and I would see 3 or 4 people standing in the schoolyard, talking, I would go over and try to join their conversation, but it almost always ended with them going quiet, looking at me, then looking at each other, then walking away. The rare instance when it seemed like I was making a friend, they would usually stop talking to me all of a sudden after we had known each other for a few weeks. They would go from being my friend to hating me like flipping a light switch. I never knew why.
A lot of the time whenever I tried talking to someone I didn't know in high school, I would try to be friendly and say something to them, and they would be rude to me as if I had no right to even breathe the same air as them. So, I gave up trying to talk to people at all. The only reason I had any friends in high school was because I became friends with one of my brother's friends, and he introduced me to other people who became my friends. The only reason I had a boyfriend (which didn't happen until I was 20), was because he was a friend of one of my friends. I've never had any luck making friends unless they were someone I could ease into a friendship with, by spending small amounts of time with them and our mutual friend.

I'm working at a place right now that's really big on team work. What always ends up happening in situations where I'm thrown into a large group and we're all expected to get along is that everyone is friendly to each other at first, then over a few weeks, they form their own little groups of friends, and I always end up being shut out. Before long, none of them will talk to me anymore, and whenever I'm around, I see them looking at me, whispering something, then laughing.
Where I work now, there are a few people who are friendly and will invite me to sit with them, but it still feels like in high school, when I would try to sit with someone, and they would lie and say someone was sitting there. I still feel awkward about sitting with them, because I feel like (and have always felt like) they're only spending time with me out of pity.

You have to sympathise with them though. That neurological resonance thing that makes up so much of a typical's communication just doesn't run right with autistics in the mix. No wonder they get upset.

If only there were more of us than of them we could make it their problem.

^ Yes, me too AutumnSylver, just so deeply sorry for what you've taken - trust, I've had it done to me too. By nature, I am a forgiving person. And I am a kind person. I do have a hard time understanding why certain neurotypicals (yes, even if I'm generalising here) can condone their actions. Moondust, you stated the case really well. I think Aspies must the strongest individuals ever to endure it.

So ironic.....I read/watched on the BBC news this morning a report about Oprah Winfrey: she was unfairly treated with discrimination at a boutique in Europe. She was given a deserved apology and loads of public attention. I've never been apologised to for far worse. Have any of you ever received an apology?

What Moondust says makes sense, a lot of NTs can't handle even a low level of deviation from the self-delusions.

Some NTs can to limited eggstent, but it makes them verry merry berry uncomfortable, as some have told me.

I'm so glad I found this forum. Makes me feel so much less alone in all I had to endure. It is also reassuring to know that there are people like me out there.

If only someone could tell me what about me strikes them as so obviously different to the extent of making them uncomfortable and warranting my exclusion by a large group!! But I do think moondust is onto something! The only difference I can think of is that I'm more frank.

But there are NTs who are known to be frank and they get away with it just fine... Although they may be more calculated in their frankness.

This is just so sad though. I wish I could make a presentation at school that basically says: "guys, I know what you're doing, you're being as*holes to me for no reason!! !" Except that would cause more harm than good obv. I just wish they became aware of how they are, but they're so plugged into the herd mentality they can't escape it. It's an innate part of their NTness. You find the extension cord with all the outlets, plug yourself in naturally, and follow the group current. Aspies can't find the damn socket!! ! So we're like that lonely 2-prong plug that can't stay in a socket for the life of it, it always kinda slips out when left on its own, if it is lucky enough to find it.

People like bosses and stuff can manually plug us in (eg by setting us up with working groups) but once the boss let go of the plug it slips right out. Or the bulk of the other plugs around it pushes it out.

This is a great thread. Moondust, I agree with you. One issue is that we aren't considered to be of much use by ambitious networking NTs, who routinely cultivate friendships and choose their friends for the purposes of career advancement.

Someone (an NT I think, earlier in this thread) said that NTs base their friendships on shared emotions - implying that this rules aspies out, ie we rule ourselves out. Yeah?? I know quite a few networking NT types who cultivate friends merely with an eye to social or material advantage; they choose their friends for narcissistic reasons. I don't know any aspies who trade in social connections for their own individualistic advantage like that.

It's not true that Aspies can't have emotionally-based friendships. I am tired of this being used by NTs as some sort of justification for their excluding behaviour. We may not show emotions in an extraverted flamboyant way but the emotional feelings are there, the same range of emotions that NTs have.

I'm introverted, I'm not gossipy, I like to think and reflect before I speak, and just being introverted is like some kind of social crime to the narcissistic kind of NTs who leave me out the moment they realise that I won't be of use to them.

I suspect that one of the issues I've had in being excluded is that I'm not good at pretending emotions I don't feel - NTs can mask their boredom or pretend to like someone they don't quite easily - but for me and I think most Aspies social hypocrisy isn't in our social repetoire. And I find it hard to mask my dislike of it when I am in a group and witness it.

The NT-ASD meme is dualistic. They are humanly devised categories which separate "us" from "them." We are all just people.

It's interesting to sit in group of nts and observe social interactions, that's what I do during group meeting instead of listening to speaker.

Collective laughter that does not seem like genuine joy/fun is particularly noticeable.

Omg very nice aspieMD, this thread is nice!! !

I'm only 18, and I want to study bio-medical sciences.
But I have found a book which describe me very nicely.
http://youmaybeinsane.webstarts.com/ind ... 0228130918
It's a very interesting book for someone who's going for doctor.

Sorry my language is not perfect, i don't learn english on school.


Pax