11 Sep 2014, 11:17 am
11 Sep 2014, 2:55 pm
VioletYoshi wrote:
I apologize if I brought back a too old post, but this happened to be a problem I really have been struggling with.
I agree with OP. I've been having some emotional turmoil as every time I go to any Asperger's support group, the only people supported are those with low-functioning Autism. I don't see why it's elitist for people with Asperger's Syndrome to desire having boundaries between lower functioning Autistic people. I find the elitism claim just another way of emotionally manipulating people with Asperger's Syndrome. If you say no to spending time with someone lower-functioning you're told you're horrible, they have it worse than you. The parents of lower-functioning people with Autism will bully Aspies into spending time with their child. Aspie Elitism is another tool they can use to go after Aspies.
So I'm taking what will most likely be a controversial stand, and suggesting people with Autism are the ones who act entitled, or at the least protected from the rules of being a part of society in some part. They also erased the existence of Asperger's Syndrome as a separate diagnosis feeling it causes Aspies to have too high self-esteem or "elitism" So they insist everyone on the spectrum must meet them at their level, even if it makes Aspies feel like this.
This has made it virtually impossible for Aspies to get support, because in many Autism groups they are designated to take care of people with Autism while their needs are ignored.
The other issue is people with Autism who having been protected from the strains of behaving according to society's rules have no understanding of boundaries. They are given such an elite standard no one can tell them no without being humiliated or emotionally berated. "They have Autism! Why won't you understand?!" This is almost 100% worse if you're female since every parent wants you to be their son's girlfriend, and you can't say no. This is pretty much the formula for an abusive controlling relationship. It's also an unequal relationship, they're asking the woman to be their son's caretaker more than a girlfriend.
I've heard horrific stories of women sexually harassed by men with Autism, who's parents seeing them as their forever child felt they didn't need to learn the birds and the bees. Women who complained are told "He has Autism, he can't help it!" In one story a woman after a Autistic young man put his hand up her skirt was told when she reported it he said he was sorry so it's no longer an issue. This woman was fearful to report the incident because of the Autism elitism that punishes anyone who says no to someone with Autism.
Those of us with Asperger's are not just told we must pretend these issues aren't real, that we're elitist for acknowledging them. I'd be pleased like OP if Asperger's was see as a separate diagnoses from the Autism spectrum. People with Asperger's could finally get the support they need without fearing parents who think using them to help their Autistic child is morally okay. Taking advantage of the emotions of someone with social difficulties is despicable. As it is I'm terrified as a Aspie female to go to any support group for those on the Autism Spectrum. I taught myself somehow to function, maybe reading things on the net, or socializing in non-Autism online communities. I had to figure it all out by myself, because support for women like me means the risk of being sexually harassed and emotionally abused.
I'm sure I'll get hate for this but I feel it must be said. I spent ten years of my life isolated and depressed because anytime I asked for help, I was told my problems didn't matter. I was told I was a monster if I didn't spend time with people who made me
. Who didn't respect me and cared about my independence, their Autism elitism led them to believe Aspies only exist to be caretakers of people with Autism.
I agree with OP. I've been having some emotional turmoil as every time I go to any Asperger's support group, the only people supported are those with low-functioning Autism. I don't see why it's elitist for people with Asperger's Syndrome to desire having boundaries between lower functioning Autistic people. I find the elitism claim just another way of emotionally manipulating people with Asperger's Syndrome. If you say no to spending time with someone lower-functioning you're told you're horrible, they have it worse than you. The parents of lower-functioning people with Autism will bully Aspies into spending time with their child. Aspie Elitism is another tool they can use to go after Aspies.
So I'm taking what will most likely be a controversial stand, and suggesting people with Autism are the ones who act entitled, or at the least protected from the rules of being a part of society in some part. They also erased the existence of Asperger's Syndrome as a separate diagnosis feeling it causes Aspies to have too high self-esteem or "elitism" So they insist everyone on the spectrum must meet them at their level, even if it makes Aspies feel like this.
This has made it virtually impossible for Aspies to get support, because in many Autism groups they are designated to take care of people with Autism while their needs are ignored.The other issue is people with Autism who having been protected from the strains of behaving according to society's rules have no understanding of boundaries. They are given such an elite standard no one can tell them no without being humiliated or emotionally berated. "They have Autism! Why won't you understand?!" This is almost 100% worse if you're female since every parent wants you to be their son's girlfriend, and you can't say no. This is pretty much the formula for an abusive controlling relationship. It's also an unequal relationship, they're asking the woman to be their son's caretaker more than a girlfriend.
I've heard horrific stories of women sexually harassed by men with Autism, who's parents seeing them as their forever child felt they didn't need to learn the birds and the bees. Women who complained are told "He has Autism, he can't help it!" In one story a woman after a Autistic young man put his hand up her skirt was told when she reported it he said he was sorry so it's no longer an issue. This woman was fearful to report the incident because of the Autism elitism that punishes anyone who says no to someone with Autism.
Those of us with Asperger's are not just told we must pretend these issues aren't real, that we're elitist for acknowledging them. I'd be pleased like OP if Asperger's was see as a separate diagnoses from the Autism spectrum. People with Asperger's could finally get the support they need without fearing parents who think using them to help their Autistic child is morally okay. Taking advantage of the emotions of someone with social difficulties is despicable. As it is I'm terrified as a Aspie female to go to any support group for those on the Autism Spectrum. I taught myself somehow to function, maybe reading things on the net, or socializing in non-Autism online communities. I had to figure it all out by myself, because support for women like me means the risk of being sexually harassed and emotionally abused.
I'm sure I'll get hate for this but I feel it must be said. I spent ten years of my life isolated and depressed because anytime I asked for help, I was told my problems didn't matter. I was told I was a monster if I didn't spend time with people who made me
. Who didn't respect me and cared about my independence, their Autism elitism led them to believe Aspies only exist to be caretakers of people with Autism.@VioletYoshi - Since it's clear from your reply in another topic that you hold this subject bitterly close to your heart, thought I'd weigh in with my own thoughts on the subject. There's no particular reason why you should listen to me, but this is the internet, where any dumbass with a keyboard can hold forth on anything under the sun, so without further ado...
... What da f*k is going on with these parents?!? Look at my bolded quotes; it's pretty obvious it's the parents who are badly manipulating you here, not the LFA men. Why do you feel you cannot say "no" to them? Seriously, what kind of weirdo, psychotic, controlling parent demands of any girl (or boy) that they be the girlfriend (or boyfriend) of their child? There is some serious abuse going on here, you are quite right. But from where I'm sitting, it's coming from the parents of the autistics, not the autistics themselves.
Reading further between the lines, you appear to have a massive problem with standing up to people. Again, I don't mean so much the LFA men (who may or may not be responsible for their actions; I don't know their level of intellectual disability), but more the parents. Of course you can say no to their demands that you be their cherished sons' girlfriend. They have absolutely no legal or cultural power to force you into any relationship against your will. If you really have a problem saying no to these blatantly unrealistic demands, you should look into yourself some more and ask yourself why.
In the meantime, don't any of these Asperger support groups have any Asperger's people you can talk to? Again, nobody should expect you to 'babysit' the less well-functioning autistics. That is the staff's responsibility. So far I have never been to an Autism support group, but if anybody expected me to take care of the other members (short of the absolute basics, such as getting them a cup of tea, or whatever), I'd be out of there faster than Usain Bolt. If/when I do go to such a group, I would go there with the intention of meeting other people with autism. That said: I wouldn't begrudge people less capable than me of getting more support/attention from the staff. If you feel like you do need more practical support, you should search elsewhere. Support groups are mainly a way for people in similar boats to meet one another; not for aid and assistance.
As for me, I was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. f**k knows where I stand >_>.
ASPartOfMe
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11 Sep 2014, 4:55 pm
11 Sep 2014, 5:59 pm
KingdomOfRats wrote:
VioletYoshi wrote:
sharkattack wrote:
VioletYoshi wrote:
I'm sorry for bothering you, guess I'll go back to /r/aspergers where people like me are understood. I was in a hfa group, itwas bad enough without me knowing what a lfa group. Autism elitism is being able to shut down anyone who says a bad word about you.
Just think about your post in a logical way.
You need to be in a support group because you can not like the rest of function in the NT world.
But you reject anybody you don't perceive to be up to your functioning level.
I am pointing out the flaws In your post not attacking you.
Try a different approach tell us what you want to get out of support.
I want to be safe, history has taught me many Autism support groups are not safe for women. Parents bully them into agreeing to be their son's girlfriend. Many men with Autism are taught their Autism excuses them from consquences. When NT men harass and in some cases stalk women that's criminal. When someone on the Autism spectrum does this everyone needs to be understanding. Or they manipulate women into staying with them with their diagnoses. I was nearly punched by a man with a form of Autism at a support group event. I was afraid to complain because I thought the parents would tell me I had no right to complain.
I've watched several episodes of Law & Order SVU, I know what the signs of an abusive relationship are. Any time it's brought up that men on the Autism spectrum having faced a lack of consquences for their behavior leads to them feeling entitled to women the way they would feel entitled to a desired object it's seen as discrimination. I and other females on the Autism spectrum should have the option for healthy relationships. My experience that can only happen if they look for men outside of the spectrum. I'm not saying all men on the spectrum are like this, the ones who have had their Autism excuse them all their lives are the issue, like Elliot Rogers.
this proves it was nothing to do with classic autism in the first place and have just unfairly stigmatised a group of people based on individual experiences with people who are elsewhere on the spectrum.
am honestly not having a go but am fed up at people using us [classic autistics] as an easy target for behavior that people dont want to accept happens on the high functioning end of the spectrum.
elliot rogers also wasnt diagnosed with an ASD;
http://www.forbes.com/sites/emilywillin ... had-anger/
he had no diagnosis of any kind to excuse his thinking and behavior throughout his life,it was his unstable home life and his parents fame and money that led him to become self entitled.
am no longer going to post now the actual issue has finaly been reached.
Quote:
Since you have been here before and are familiar with how mods do things, you do know you can message them if you have concerns about how members are addressing you, how the direction of a thread is going, etc etc, right?
am the only one who has been defending against their point so am guessing am the one this post was aimed at which is unfair and to self feels like stirring because have not spoken to them badly in the slightest have stuck to the rules.
are welcome to take it up with the mods if they havent seen it already but was not going to sit back whilst the disability of mine was completely tarred with the behavior of individuals who dont even have it on a forum that is supposed to accept us-aspie members have always done exactly the same thing when users have come here tarring aspies with the behaviors of pyschopaths so it isnt any different.
I read it that she is saying men make it unsafe for women. I don't think anything aimed at you, you are a woman. The intensity is high, though. Agreed. And sometimes the loudest person gets soothed which is unfair. All of us could use some soothing.
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