Are you Asexual?

Post Reply New Topic

I used to be what I would call a promiscuous person. I have since cleaned up my ways. When I was younger and in good shape though, the opposite sex found me very attractive most of the time. So I rolled with it.

Eventually I got chlamydia and that really made me re-think the whole situation. Now I'm fat and unattractive so I couldn't have sex even if I wanted to, at least not with anybody I'd be attracted to.

I miss sex, but at the same time, sex made me feel put on the spot. Sort of the ultimate social situation really. And I don't much like social situations.

I have decided what I am is too complex to label appropriately, no matter how often I try to label it. I find women physically attractive in comparison to men, so that makes me lesbian. I have been attracted to males on an intellectual level who I enjoyed being with sexually, so that makes me a sapiosexual-bisexual. I have no interest in sex most of the time, so that makes me somewhat asexual. I am celibate and have been for over a decade now. People act really shocked about that and I don't find it shocking at all. I don't suffer for not having sex, don't need sex, etc.

I have a libido based primarily on my ovulation cycle or my ability to smoke weed cycle (just learned that one recently). I just don't care about sex. I care more about cleaning out the recycle bin because it's messy than I care about sex, which is pretty indicative of how much I don't care about sex. I despise our sex driven culture and how reductionist and oddly primal the whole sex drive thing is. I find sex for the sake of sex rather gross, but never did when I was in a relationship.

So yeah, I don't label myself anymore when it comes to sexuality or orientation, even though that is discomforting for others who often need to 'know what someone is' to better understand them. I'm just me.

I'm not, but sometimes, seeing the grief and stress that my friends have gone through with relationships (something I'm experiencing myself currently), makes me wish I was.

In terms of Romantic and Physical attraction. I'm a Herero. But in terms of Sexual attraction/Desire, I'm not sure if I feel it. I'll probably feel and realize it when I fall in love. But I don't seem to feel it for strangers. Mine's too confusing.

I once knew a woman who was heterosexual while high on weed, homosexual when straight.

It's true!

And it destroyed our relationship.

Ever seen the movie "Summer of 1942?" It was an older woman/young man romance. She was 38, I was 19. I fell "in love" with her, after a fashion.

She was the kind of person who used to attend lesbian events, though she wasn't really "radical" about being a lesbian. She used to frequent lesbian bars.

One time, she got high on pot. I don't know if she called me, or I was there already. But she took off her clothes and stated that she wanted me to attend to her. I complied (I was "in love" with her). I believe she climaxed, though I'm not sure (I was naïve about such things then).

She told me about similar liaisons when she would get high on marijuana. She was always "passive." She insisted that a man attend to her (I don't want to use the sexual word for it).

Then, the next day, she became a lesbian again, much to my chagrin. It confused me. Then she had some kind of nervous breakdown, and an older friend said I shouldn't visit her in the hospital. There were rumors that she jumped off a six-story building, injuring herself severely.

I never heard from her again.

That is awful, kraftie. It must have been extremely confusing to you at that age, too. She sounds like she had a lot of problems, the least of which not knowing who she was.

A lot of gay and lesbian people struggle with accepting homosexuality for a variety of reasons, and I know many of us can cause inadvertent damage to straight folks when we come to homosexuality later, but that situation sounds like it has a lot of dysfunction involved on her part.

It's probably good you never heard from her again. Sad story.

That sort of highlights one of the reasons I avoid relationships. I can't properly label myself. I know it confuses people. I fall in love with people and minds, not bodies and orientations. I'm not sexually inspired by either 'gender' and can happily live the rest of my life without sex. That's way too much for most people to even wrap their minds around, and I don't blame them.

The tragic thing is: she really wasn't a bad person at all.

She would be about 73 years old now; I've often wondered how she's doing.

I hope she's doing better if she's still alive. I think about people from that long ago too but avoid looking for them after some fairly bad responses to me looking for people from my past thinking we had a relationship of sorts and finding out they just 'felt sorry for me' and didn't actually enjoy being my friend at all. One of the perils of late diagnosis, I guess. I have heard that a lot from others who weren't diagnosed until mid-life.