Is crying wrong?

Post Reply New Topic

I had a friend once who was also a therapist, she helped me out a lot in a mother hen sort of way, but when the friendship ended one of the reasons she listed was that she liked to fix people, but she couldn't fix me. It stung, I had not seen that dynamic in the relationship, and it made me feel like I had just been a project.
IMO a client purchases a service and should at least have an equal input about the direction of the therapy, and be able to depend on that professional during the sessions.
If you feel like you need to have a cry, have one, without attaching guilt or outside expectations, that release helps you get through the day, it is your natural reaction and part of how you cope with life. If you have to suppress/alter other things on a daily basis, maybe leave your coping mechanism unaltered.

The key is: You're not "defective." There's nothing that needs to be "fixed," per se.

In my mind, I wish I could be a better "healer." I used to try to "fix" people when I was younger. People tend to resent these efforts because, as the "fixee," they feel they're automatically "lower" within the hierarchy of people.

I feel, primarily, people have to take responsibility for their own lives. However, it is important that, within this framework, that these same people seek a voice other than their own so they could obtain a well-rounded impression of things.

Otherwise, people tend to withdraw from the relatively objective "world view"--and, instead, revert to an insular take on things.

I should know: this has happened, and still does, happen to me. It is still my nature to be insular, to not obtain outside input. As a result, my world-view becomes detached, and becomes less understood by others.

I cry a lot when I have arguments with my partner because I can't handle the emotions. Usually when I start crying it means I am on the way to a meltdown.

I should learn to remove myself from the situation as soon as I start crying because normally we carry on arguing until I have a full meltdown and that is even worse.

My partner is wonderful by the way and I love him. I just find strong emotions very hard to deal with and I have had trauma in the past due to being an undiagnosed Aspie. So even the usual problems that every relationship faces are overwhelming for me.

At least he understands that I am not being manipulative. Other partners have accused me of this and it drives me CRAZY. If I had control of myself at the time then I would certainly choose NOT to cry! It makes me feel so weak and vulnerable. But I can't help it. It just happens.

I don't cry in public except in very extreme situations like when I was bullied at work. I didn't want to cry in front of the bullies so I ran out and sat on a grass area in the town centre and cried. A stranger came over to ask if I was all right. I was so embarrassed!

I believe that cryin is good for us, but it's hard to ignore the rule of society.

I am glad you have a good partner. Someone who understands and supports you.

I don't think I'd not cry as what I'd wish for, but I don't like feeling I've fallen apart, not because it's embarrassing, though. It's just so painful when I'm trying as hard as I can and something happens that's too much. It might be big, it might be small, but whatever it is, is too much for me in that moment.

Can't help but wonder: at the moment, are you able to get the rest that you need, to properly refresh yourself?

It doesn't make much sense to me either why people frown upon crying. I almost think it's good to cry because it's really not healthy to bottle up emotions like that. I think the negative emotions will just last longer and become even more intense. I guess I could understand why people don't like it done in public though because it might make other people nervous. I use to cry around other people, but I don't do it much anymore. I just try to wait until I can be alone.

Why does crying make people uncomfortable?

Somewhat, but you are right, it is hard to relax. Things often suddenly are going wrong, people unexpectedly snapping at me, it's hard to tell what's serious and what is not.

Seeing someone else upset might cause them to feel bad too. I'm sorry if that came out wrong before.

I agree. I used to cry in front of my sister when she'd tease me when we were kids. In the Army I was accused of crying "crocodile tears" to manipulate, but I was really really depressed in the Army. My mom used to try to tell me to not cry in front of others or they'd want to tease me more. Is it that your therapist is advising you to not cry *in front of* people?

You came out fine SLW.

Everyone seems to say crying is risky because it can upset people, and it seems like some people are saying that matters, don't do it, and some are saying maybe that's not so important.

It's just hard for me to put together the contradiction get things: people don't generally care that much about me, and I'm not to take personally most of what negativity comes my way, but the act of my forming tears can be harmful to others and I'm to prioritize not harming them or myself by crying, whilest continuing to not personalize the constant intrusions....loud voices, irritable criticisms, rudeness, ignoring, trying to evade rules that exist for my and my childen and others' protection.

I understand the advice just not how to do it....and I don't understand how anyone can achieve holding these contradictory things inside their head....because I am having trouble doing so!!

Crying might bother me because there might be nothing I could do about it.

Especially if the person is obviously in great pain.

That I understand and often feel bad for someone, and yes, if they seem sad, I might want to help. It's when people don't seem concerned for me, or for someone else who is sad, it does not seem like crying is hurting them, they aren't empathizing and hurting for me or the other person, if it's someone else they may say things to me even that make fun of the person who is crying.

I don't understand.....if you don't care about the person, why can some people not leave the person alone instead of judging?

Because people are prone to judging, unfortunately.

I agree: just leave the person alone if you have nothing constructive to offer.

Ok first off - Who told you not to cry? That's impossible to do all the time, in fact suppressing your emotions are unhealthy.

Second - If someone is upsetting your that bad often I would just end contact with them, why put yourself through that stress if all they do is mess you around?

I have discovered that people become annoyed with you if you cry a lot. Like at work when I first had a panic attack (panic attacks are basically crying fits when I have one), everybody was hugging me and concerned the first couple of times they saw me crying. But lately when I've had a panic attack, people now just let me get on with it. I can tell by their faces. I have to tell myself ''people don't want to keep seeing a tearful face''. I can tell that people are starting to think that I'm just crying to get sympathy or to get everyone to make a fuss of me, etc. I don't want people at work to start thinking I'm a crybaby. There are some very nice people that I work with, but even those nice people aren't going to want to keep giving me sympathetic attention every time I start crying over something.

Like my uncle always says, ''smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone''.
Crying sometimes is OK. But crying over something every other day starts to make people think you're an attention-seeker or something's wrong with you or something.