Aspie Men are Jerks

Post Reply New Topic

With you on that. With me, it was I that ended the relationships because I knew she was un-happy, and I was also because she was trying to change me, to be 'normal'.
Happily, I'm now in a relationship where she is aware of my AS and lets me get on with it, and she does say what she wants/thinks without code

I can't even get past her homepage.

She is so full of crap and bad numbers!

20-25 people per 10,000 with AS? 4 out of 10,000?

Gimmie a break. The Canadian Government is viewing the emergance of autism as a crisis, and wants to get parents help so they don't have to sell their homes of file bankruptcy to get their kids help. They think it may be as high as 1 in 160 are on the ASD spectrum!

This woman is full of it. I don't even think I "could" read her book.

OK NOW I AM READY TO SCREAM OR SHUT DOWN!!

What kind of parents are people with Asperger Syndrome?
We are just learning about this tragedy from adults coming forward to tell about being raised by AS parents. So far these people are reporting that they have coped with severe depression and self esteem problems because they lived with a parent who could not nurture them or get to know who they really are. It is very debilitating to experience emotional rejection daily as a child, even if your physical needs are provided for. This does not mean the AS parent does not love their child. But the communication and relating deficits confuse the child and can lead to the child feeling unloved.

My children all know they are loved. I would go to the ends of the earth for them (and nearly have). With having AS, I seem to take parenting overboard at times. I drag my kids to all sorts of french programs that normal english speaking parents do not. I homeschooled my son for 4 years, I spend 2 hours a night doing math and homework with him! All my kids, indeed, feel very "loved" and are well taken care of. I am eternally greatful to my DH for "helping" with the things that I struggle with, but holy crap! am I mad!

If that is the same forum of Delphi that I visited, I find them demeaning to aspies. The aspies there are apologists. I can't address the issues you have with your boyfriend, but please remember that NTs are very suggestable. Anything he reads may be read into your behavior. I suggest talking with him and finding out what you can do to make him feel more comfortable and also tell him what he can do to make you more comfortable. Don't assume that you are the problem. Perhaps your boyfriend doesn't suit you? Not all men are suitable for us. Like ZaneMarie said, it takes a special kind of man, but they are out there and they do appreciate us.

Hi
just wanted to take a moment on this Sunday morning
to say a huge thank you to all who spoke to me recently
it helped
I feel better today
take care

Well I know for us, he never felt like he was hugging a robot, but at first we had issues because of my issues over being touched. I think the main difference in my situation, and some others I've talked to who have long relationships with NTs, is that he doesn't get caught up in emotion when something like that happens. He's just too intelligent and logical for that. Once he realized that something was going on that I was unaware of and that was being controlled most probably by my brain (and you have to remember that I've only known about AS for six months and we've been together almost 27 years so we didn't know it was AS or even what it was), he just started working with me on it and we got over it. He is extraordinarily good at explaining things and telling me what is really going on when I can't read people or situations. The way he is makes me calm and when I'm calm and the person is coming from a logical and intellectual place I can be very open. That makes a world of difference and for any of you I would say that would be a good thing to look for in a partner. It really helps when they are intellectual enough not to take it personally and they keep their calm while talking to you.

The other thing I'll say is that even though my dh is NT in a social sense, he doesn't expect me to fill that. He's always organized company picnics, sports teams, etc, but he is content to use those for his social outlets. He was that way when we met and he never pressured me to "go along" and "keep him company." There are things I've done because I don't like the way other people treat him over it, even when he doesn't mind and going to work was one of them. There are other things that are just too much for me and when that happens, he is fine with it. I can handle some friends in short social settings and at least our friends are interesting in the same types of things as we are. They might not be friends to me in the way that NTs have friends, but I enjoy being with them once in awhile and that lets him feel some social outlet with me once in awhile.

Just remember that it's about fit and understanding why you are in the relationship. I think most people have no idea why they are even with that particular person. Aspies can know that because we are incredibly self aware. You need to find someone who is also self aware because they aren't going to be harboring these hidden agendas and desires to change you dramatically.

I had a girlfriend who expected me to read her mind (both for trivial and for big things), even though she knew I couldn't, even though she knew her attitude made no sense. So she bottled up those things inside her until it boiled over in a temper tantrum, which built up resentment in me. Then she felt resentment that I couldn't just forget it, (she would not have put up with a tenth of the things she said to me) since after all she had thrown things at her mom in a temper tantrum and she had gotten over it (so if I had beaten her up and then shot someone, she should have forgiven me since I didn't shoot her?). I think it's common for women (at least NT) to expect others to read their minds, but NT men are much better equipped for that.

Good on ya. It must be in the weather cause today feels totally different to me to, and for the better. Funny that.

wow, do I envy that. I wouldnt even know how to handle it probably and Id run from it for fear it would turn out different.

But Im a pessimist when it comes to earth love.

Still, it would be nice to do it once like you're doing.

Funny that I'm still totally baffled by the relationship of circles and why she popped in here to talk about in the first place. *shrugs*

SAME HERE! Her explanation left MORE questions! He slowed down LONG before being near her, and looked to the side? It sounds like he thought she was lost or something, gave her a wide berth, and decided to check on her. She thought his stare was vacant, but amorous!

WOW!

Steve

Trust me, the NT men complain about this all the time as well. Why do you think half of all marriages end in divorce?

The mind reading skill is really a reference to over reliance on non verbal cues. Like someone sulking means X and someone being quiet for y minutes means X/Y. I think we all do it to an extent.

Especially after the expressionless eyes remark I think that he wonders what in the world is going on with her. Do you ever have NT people staring at you and you finally go WHAT? Only to find out they thought the both of you were flirting? Well, I do get that. In actuality, I'm getting the blank look because I can't imagine what they are looking at. I always feel like my hair is sticking straight up in the air, I have food in my teeth or I've said something incredibly stupid. I never pick up on the flirting eye thing. I never get the flirting conversation and always think they are serious. If she was following me around like that, I'd be staring too. I would probably be wondering if parts were falling off my vehicle and that was why she was staring. Or, maybe I'd been fired and no one had told me yet.

See, I'm slow on the uptake flirtation-wise and I have the feeling this guy is as well. I feel bad for him and for her. She obviously does not want to admit that's what is happening.

I think most of us don't think it means anything. I certainly never pick up on these. I wouldn't know whether they were sulking or just quiet, but in either case I would probably think they were thinking important thoughts instead of trying to send me some message like Carmack the Magician (sp?).

Considering some of the strange ways Ive tried to attract a woman, sounds alsmost normal to me.

That made me laugh and want to ask, So how is that working out for you?