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asked friend for help & he got mad cuz I didn't understand

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Mirage99
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05 Nov 2015, 12:16 pm

Kuraudo777 wrote:
Yeah, I don't like doctor appointments either, Mirage. Sometimes it seems like the world is too rigid and science-based, but maybe I'm bias.


I didn't understand why you felt you might be bias at first, but after a quick glimpse at your profile, I think i know why. You are more philosophical/imaginative than scientific. I love metaphysics, but I think science has its place too. However i think all good ideas begin at a metaphysical level, I guess science is always trying to catch up by attempting to prove or disprove a particular theory. But at the end of the day you can't dissect everything, and there are things about this universe and life in general that science can't have a say on but can be explored through metaphysical concept.

I hope I didn't confuse the hell out of you lol



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05 Nov 2015, 12:39 pm

No, it actually makes perfect sense to me. :) Thanks for the insightful reply!


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05 Nov 2015, 2:09 pm

LivingInParentheses wrote:
naturalplastic wrote:
LivingInParentheses wrote:
naturalplastic wrote:
Its hard to say from what you said. Maybe you were taking something too literally.

Depends on what the thing is that you didnt understand.

Could be that he was being argumenitive (like Quill said), could be that you were being argumenative like someone else said, could be that he thought that you were being argumentative when you werent.


Hi naturalplastic, thanks for your reply. :) I didn't mean to let it get lost in the sea of responses that I've been quoting and responding to. I think it is likely that he felt I was becoming argumentative, or at least that I was just not going to hear his words the way he intended them to be heard so he felt it was best to bail out before he became upset. He did say he was done with it a few times but I didn't respect that. Yet when I got overwhelmed suddenly I just bailed out on him all at once. When I try to think of him as being like me and go back to reassess the situation it seems a little clearer. I think that I wasn't going to understand what he was saying no matter what so, what was the point in him getting himself all frustrated? Oh well.

At least at this point I can definitively say that I still don't know what he was trying to say, exactly, about the necessity of counting them all - I got the reasoning behind at least part of it but as a whole, not so much. I hate when other people's words seem like a jigsaw puzzle that isn't put together yet. I'm sure the whole picture is in there somewhere but I just can't quite piece it all together just yet.


You did finally retell the conversation ( I just noticed that).

Imagine this: if one in a hundred babies were born with some condition.

And imagine that this condition killed off half of those born with it by their first birthday, but the other half had a normal lifespan. The stats would be "its present in one in a hundred live births", but "one in 200 people over one years old have it".

The reason they said "live births" instead of say..."people" is probably because (Im guessing) folks with Rhetts syndrome may not live long. Maybe the population that has it gradually dies off as it approaches maturity. So they cant say"one in ten K PEOPLE" have Rhetts syndrome because its probably far less than one in 10K of the whole population of people of all ages who are living with Rhetts Syndrome, even if it is "one in ten thousand live births".

Its only the "live births" that hospitals and governments (or whomever) keep the stats on. So thats why the author said "one in ten thousand live births" instead of just "births". And its an authoritative sounding flourish to show that he got the info right from the source.

I dont think that either of you was being argumentative. You were just stuck, and he got frustrated because you were hung up on something that seemed beside the point.


This was an exceptionally helpful post for me, thank you VERY much for helping to explain this. These words are making sense in a way that works for me. I'm not a "memorize the facts and accept them blindly" kind of girl - I am a "help me understand it so I can manipulate it freely in my mind from every angle and still get it right" kind of girl. This feeds my brain in a way that it's content with on those other levels, where I feel like I can now manipulate the information - and maybe future things I read - and make better sense of them.

Very nice. It's a relief, really. Thanks again!

PS - I do that, yep - fixate on a detail and fail to see the big picture because of that. I guess that's an aspie thing through and through though from what I've heard so I don't feel so bad. :)


Glad to be of help! :D



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05 Nov 2015, 2:41 pm

Someday I'd like to see a poll on this: How many questions do we ask before someone wants to bash our heads in?
I know people around here can tire of me easily. When I ask a question their answer is incomplete or not enough. Then I ask a few more questions for clarification and they finally give up. I guess we can't just accept part answers. If I ask them what one + one equals they may as well answer "orange" because whatever they'd answered made no sense anyway.


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Mirage99
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05 Nov 2015, 3:14 pm

Kuraudo777 wrote:
No, it actually makes perfect sense to me. :) Thanks for the insightful reply!



I'm glad you found it insightful. I'm new to this website, and sometimes I feel like I'm reading my own autobiography, looking at all the comments here. So much to relate to, and so many 'aha' moments. Its a kinda of bitter sweet experience. Its very healing, reading through people's experience and relating, and not feeling alone, but at the same time its sad to be reminded of lost opportunities, in terms of relationships and life experience. But I guess its never too late to start over, armed with the knowledge of new found self discovery. This is a great site, and people here are very insightful and kind. The internet is an amazing thing.



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05 Nov 2015, 3:40 pm

redrobin62 wrote:
Someday I'd like to see a poll on this: How many questions do we ask before someone wants to bash our heads in?
I know people around here can tire of me easily. When I ask a question their answer is incomplete or not enough. Then I ask a few more questions for clarification and they finally give up. I guess we can't just accept part answers. If I ask them what one + one equals they may as well answer "orange" because whatever they'd answered made no sense anyway.


I think it was LivingInParentheses, who said on here, when she is learning about something, she has to understand it from every angle, so that she can manipulate the info every which way and come up with the same answer. That makes perfect sense to me, thats why especially at work, in a new job or new department, I ask more/different questions than they would usually get, to get an in-depth understanding of the role or a particular task. Most people seem to be satisfied with a basic instruction and do exactly as the instruction says, but I guess if they were presented with a slight variation of the task, or if it was not possible to perform the task exactly as the instruction says, then they'll be stuck, and wouldn't know how to improvise.



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05 Nov 2015, 6:35 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
LivinginParentheses, your post describing how you asked and how you responded when you got the answer reminded me greatly of conversation between my daughter and I. (Both Aspie.) She'll ask what to do about something, I'll give her my best advice, and she'll say "but......" I have already given her my polite attention and tried to provide a useful answer. If she doesn't like my answer, I'm done.

Not done with her forever ... just done answering or helping with that particular topic. I shouldn't have to defend the answer I give the way you defend a doctoral dissertation!


I guess the fundamental issue there is that she and I look at the conversation as a learning experience where we have a teacher's brain to pick - whoever it is that is giving us the answer, whether it's my friend or you. We don't expect teachers to get defensive when questioned, we expect them to revel in it because it's meant as a compliment - we believe you have the answers and can help us to understand.

No need to be defensive, be flattered! We think that you've got a great brain that "gets" what ours doesn't, that's all. So we figure the more we ask, the more you'll be all excited to get to explain. Like if someone asked me about my special interest, the more they asked me about it the happier I'd be. So when I ask someone a question about something THEY"RE really good at, I assume they'll feel the same... not defensive.

At least that's how it is for me. Maybe that perspective might help a little, I hope so anyway.
:)


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05 Nov 2015, 6:39 pm

Hi, LP! :) I hope you're feeling better now after receiving so many interesting and nice posts! By the way, did you get the pm I sent you?


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05 Nov 2015, 6:44 pm

i would be annoyed, too, the original question wasn't even something that would make a difference. it was more like nitpicking rather than an actual question.



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05 Nov 2015, 6:50 pm

redrobin62 wrote:
Someday I'd like to see a poll on this: How many questions do we ask before someone wants to bash our heads in?
I know people around here can tire of me easily. When I ask a question their answer is incomplete or not enough. Then I ask a few more questions for clarification and they finally give up. I guess we can't just accept part answers. If I ask them what one + one equals they may as well answer "orange" because whatever they'd answered made no sense anyway.


Yeah I mean if I Don't understand something yet then I have to ask another question, that's how to learn. I Try not to badger people though. I ask google whenever I can, but if it didn't click yet for me than it is what it is, I can't just give up. I have to keep trying/asking/researching til I 'get' it. Otherwise it's all been pointless, the attempts I've made up to that point.


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05 Nov 2015, 6:59 pm

Kuraudo777 wrote:
Hi, LP! :) I hope you're feeling better now after receiving so many interesting and nice posts! By the way, did you get the pm I sent you?


Hi! :) I did, and replied now that you reminded me. I have a bad habit of reading, not responding right away, then forgetting that I didn't do it yet. sorry! :)


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05 Nov 2015, 7:02 pm

Mirage99 wrote:
Kuraudo777 wrote:
No, it actually makes perfect sense to me. :) Thanks for the insightful reply!



I'm glad you found it insightful. I'm new to this website, and sometimes I feel like I'm reading my own autobiography, looking at all the comments here. So much to relate to, and so many 'aha' moments. Its a kinda of bitter sweet experience. Its very healing, reading through people's experience and relating, and not feeling alone, but at the same time its sad to be reminded of lost opportunities, in terms of relationships and life experience. But I guess its never too late to start over, armed with the knowledge of new found self discovery. This is a great site, and people here are very insightful and kind. The internet is an amazing thing.


I feel so much the same. I only wish I'd found out about myself earlier. But 42 is better than never. :)


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Kuraudo777
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05 Nov 2015, 7:04 pm

Well, you know, 42 is the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything! :D [That's a Hitchhiker's reference for those who don't know.]


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05 Nov 2015, 7:06 pm

Mirage99 wrote:
redrobin62 wrote:
Someday I'd like to see a poll on this: How many questions do we ask before someone wants to bash our heads in?
I know people around here can tire of me easily. When I ask a question their answer is incomplete or not enough. Then I ask a few more questions for clarification and they finally give up. I guess we can't just accept part answers. If I ask them what one + one equals they may as well answer "orange" because whatever they'd answered made no sense anyway.


I think it was LivingInParentheses, who said on here, when she is learning about something, she has to understand it from every angle, so that she can manipulate the info every which way and come up with the same answer. That makes perfect sense to me, thats why especially at work, in a new job or new department, I ask more/different questions than they would usually get, to get an in-depth understanding of the role or a particular task. Most people seem to be satisfied with a basic instruction and do exactly as the instruction says, but I guess if they were presented with a slight variation of the task, or if it was not possible to perform the task exactly as the instruction says, then they'll be stuck, and wouldn't know how to improvise.


Yep it was me, and that's exactly the case. When I was in school I was the kid who had to know "but why?" when teachers would say "just do it like this and you will get the right answer" in math. Just saying to memorize 8x5=40 did not satisfy me. Explaining that it means 8 groups, each with five items in it, made all the difference. Then I could do ANY multiplication, understanding that.


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05 Nov 2015, 7:09 pm

Kuraudo777 wrote:
Well, you know, 42 is the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything! :D [That's a Hitchhiker's reference for those who don't know.]


Ha, that's right! I've wasted so much time on this re-make of the game that my friend and I used to waste so much time on, back when her dad's modem was the kind you put the old-fashioned phone receiver into -

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/article ... ry-edition


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05 Nov 2015, 7:12 pm

It looks like fun!
I ask 'Why' all the time, especially to questions that don't necessarily have answers.


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A memory is something that has to be consciously recalled, right? That's why sometimes it can be mistaken and a different thing. But it's different from a memory locked deep within your heart. Words aren't the only way to tell someone how you feel.” Tifa Lockheart, Final Fantasy VII