Are you "okay" with having Asperger's?

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I share that opinion with EzraS and androbot01: mine is an impairment and a struggle.

I am trying to accept my needs and limitations, but I NEED accommodations and modifications, and there is an obstacle to getting these: me.

I do not know if it is an aspect or side effect of my autism or my parents' parenting style - they were not bad parents, just maybe too strict or emotionally detached for MY needs - but I am incapable of asking other people for help. I could be in intense pain but still could not ask my parents for help simply opening the medicine bottle. So, asking for accommodations and modifications does not seem possible.

I have noticed that I am more comfortable being openly autistic and asking for accommodations from strangers than from family.

Both of you have just made me so very happy by this! Incorrect use of apostraphes is one thing that annoys me. Seeing people who know who to use them correctly and think about how they are used is very satisfying. And being in a forum where apostraphes are considered a valid topic of conversation is truly liberating.

I was diagnosed about 4 months after first learning about Asperger's in December 2012. I was taking an online Psychology course and began to obsessively read about the subject, after the professor mentioned it in passing during one of the lectures. Prior to that, I spent the better part of my life trying to understand what was wrong with me.

One of my favorite WP "authors" (willard) once wrote:

I was diagnosed at 41 years of age, in August this year.

This pretty much sums up how I feel:

Instead of sadness, I have hope, that I can now finally find my place in society, but I have fear too, that I might have to hit rock bottom to get onto the road to that place.

Thank you Rocket123, that quote pretty well sums up the experience for me.

Excellent quote. My autism diagnosis marked the point at which I realized I would never manage to pass for 'normal', so I stopped trying. Life has been quiet, solitary, and much more peaceful since then.

Yes, I would have to agree with you there. I'm sure all of us here have many harrowing stories relating to how cruel NTs can be to us. I have sometimes wondered if the condition is "designed" to give the world a better class of both victim and villain, depending on the faculties of the Aspie in question. Thank you very much for your honest and considered reply.



That does feel so goddamn good, doesn't it? I was the blackest of black sheeps in my family, and hadn't seen any of them for over a decade when I was diagnosed. Immediately after I was invited to some form of NT family hug-in initiation ceremony? Lots of crying aunts and apologies. I'm slowly turning them all into autism-educated NTs, with gentle nudges toward online documentation etc. Every time they make a connection between the indicators of the condition and my past I get a lovely phone call from them. =] Thank you kindly for the dapper patter, old boy.

TheSilentOne: It's good to know that you're feeling better about it now. With the amount of responses in this thread saying that same thing, I'm able to confidently reassure fellow Aspies in future that it DOES "get better", it does get easier. Thank you for your response =]



I have definitely found the same. I almost feel like I don't want to hurt their feelings through their not knowing what I needed automatically, without being asked. Trying to avoid that situation through subtle education on the subject. I've taken to telling them things in very vague terms, so they have to ask me further questions, like "What's an 'AQ' score?", "What's an 'NT'?" It's working, slowly. Thank you very much for your response dude =]



Haha I was happy as I started typing the query on punctuation in the first place, because I started typing it without even thinking "Is it weird to ask this?". Negative. Not to anyone here =] =] =] Cheers for your comment Miss



Yus, same here obviously sir. And what was "right" with me. That quote of Willard's is perfect to the letter. Thank you for that and the rest of your input.



The day my daughter was diagnosed was my rock bottom. That was the point where the world caved in and I finally knew what I was and what I had passed on to her. I melted down with a bottle of Glenfiddich and began crying loudly, eventually shouting at the world at large. Police were called by a "concerned" neighbour (My daughter, I must add, lives with her Mum). Six showed up in riot gear to get me from my house and in to the cells. In the process my thumbs were broken in multiple places, my wrist was fractured, and two ribs and two metatarsels in my foot were broken (I don't like being restrained, it seems). I then spent 8 hours in a freezing cell in just my jeans, during which time I headbutted the cell door enough to have a triangular-shaped patch of missing skin on my forehead. I was placed on an emergency assessment shortlist and was diagnosed a month later (one year ago yesterday, in fact). Basically, don't anyone do what I did. Or do anything I used to do.. -shudders- Thank you very much for your input Sonikku. Sorry to ramble in response.

SteveSnow: I know right? Great quote again Rocket123.

Ashariel: Yes. Peace and quiet are amazing, as is that final reconciliation with what we really are.


OKAY. I'm going to stop responding to every reply on this thread now as it's getting crazy. Thank you to everyone who has contributed so far, and I look forward to reading further posts. Stay amazing, Aspies. =]

I hate it, to be quite honest. It's basically the main cause of the problems I face day to day.

I find that I am ambidexterous and omnivorous, am not driven by a dread of other people. I am mentally sharp, fit, have what I need, and not in distress.

As best I can tell most NT's, are flying on autopilot. It's like talking to a caricature or persona. You are role playing.

I'm more than OK with it... and I have to be. My son is ASD as well, more pronounced than mine, and I feel like no matter what I always have to be ok with it, if not comfortable and proud.

The good part is I generally feel that way, though I keep it to myself for the most part, unless he is around or might be otherwise affected.

It isn't just "owning and de-stigmatizing our mental illnesses" but is reserved for braver more wonderful people than me (RIP Carrie)... I also have ADD, which (as I try to mention in every post I make at least once) is a baleful horrible blight which should be reserved as punishment for war criminals...

ASD has upsides, various silver linings to balance out the bad. FOR ME... It isn't hard to appreciate. Obviously I only have my own marginally afflicted frame of reference, and a love for my boy, who would be a different human entirely without it, and I couldn't bear that.

[edit]
I should have started by saying "It was a long time coming... but..."

Reading other posts I realize I'm being a bit cavalier and probably rude. Diagnosis and middle-age helped me go from floundering confusion and occasional terror to peace and personal prosperity. My son helped me as much as I hope to help him, it gave me a place to focus and a reason to learn.

+1 bad, +2 good. Thank you for your responses guys.

OhkaBaka: I'm very close to that way of thinking with regards my daughter. She's also a more pronounced Aspie than me, and words cannot hope to describe how much I adore her, or how far I will go to ensure that she never has to go through the things I have. I also have fairly crippling ADD, but I smoke weed all day and have done since I was 13, so my mind is usually in one place for long enough to work/live. Thank you for your considered response sir.

Mhm. Those who are better at socializing wind up with more support if they're struggling in school or feel depressed, while those of us who aren't good at making friends may only have one or two, or school support staff to turn to. And if someone doesn't get the help they need there then it can do a lot of damage.

Simple rule I was taught was that if it could be elongated to "it is", then it needs an apostrophe.

Haha, thank you; Fittingly, "Grammar Geek" jumped in with that answer a few minutes after I asked.

This IS a great description! I felt the same sense of relief in the beginning. Then, I read one too many posts of a certain type on WrongPlanet, from inspirational "You CAN learn it" posts (which did not feel inspirational) to shaming "You are using autism as an EXCUSE" posts. Now, I feel the same guilt and self-loathing return because:
1) I have not learned it and
2) I dared to use my autism as the reason, so
3) it must still be a flaw in my character.


I am hoping that someone can teach me to feel that peace again.

I agree about the inspirational quotes. They have the potential to be misused and overused. People tend to default to them if they have no real constructive advice to give others. Motivational speaking can be similarly tiresome. I feel if you have heard one of these types of speeches, you've heard them all. They become formulaic and annoying.

"Feel good" stories can have the same effect. They can become "feel bad" stories when they make you feel you aren't living up to some magical standard.

I remember when I got the diagnosis at the beginning of 2007 - so many strange feelings. I felt in the best way I can put it that my life would never be the same again and all dignity was removed away I was was something else other than myself. And that something else was a disabled person. It was almost depersonalizing.. yeesh. This caused me to try to fight the diagnosis almost a year later.

It wasn't until 2010 when I was discovered to have a small facial tumor in my parotid gland did I really start to forget about Asperger's and instead became completely immersed in this new thing. After I had the surgery and the thing came back benign I was relieved. But months later I started obsessing about Asperger's again and my appearance/flaws.

Now I have to say I am STILL sometimes on the fence about Asperger's, at times I am really repulsed by the diagnosis other times I feel that it's necessary.. and other times I just don't think of it at all.

Last edited by bethannny on 30 Dec 2016, 10:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.