What NT accepted behaviour flumoxes you the most?
To answer the question: Small talk. More correctly, how natural it is for them to engage in it and how apprehensive they are of those who don't participate, or participate incorrectly.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to being polite and going through the social script for the sake of being nice and demonstrating that I have no ill will.
But I remember sitting in a diner once, by myself, waiting for my order and listening to the waitress make small talk with the patrons at another table (in this case, an aging couple). The three of them all spoke about nothing in particular so naturally that I realized I'd NEVER be able to fake it and make it seem as natural as it was to them.
I remember the old lady saying something like, "Oh, this must be a big month for birthdays, so many of my friends are having their birthdays this month."
"Ah, yes," said the waitress, "My daughter has her birthday in a couple of days, she's gonna be 20, seems like yesterday she was born,"
"Oh, come now," said the old man, "You're much too young to have a daughter THAT old,"
"Well, it's amazing how time flies," said the waitress...
I remember thinking that the conversation itself seemed so asinine and superfluous to me, but the flow was so natural between the three of them (and I'm assuming all three were NT). But even if I WANTED to go through all of that mindless fluff, I'd never be able to do it and make it sound natural. I usually tune out other people's conversations, but this instance of eavesdropping really made me see just how natural and normal it is for them to interact like this and how utterly impossible it is for me to try to even attempt to fake it.
And many of them find it unacceptable when someone cannot/does not make such small talk acceptably.
Dear_one
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Re: Small talk. A few times, I have been able to follow casual conversation very closely, sort of like watching a speed chess match yet having time for a few guesses at how it will go. I noticed that every speaker, although parroting common phrases, had some leeway in which to select, and the listeners also had options on how to interpret it and respond. Thus they negotiated a relationship, establishing dominance and scouting out taboo topics, etc. without actually raising the issues openly.
I also had a ride sitting between a bickering couple. For a whole hour, whatever each one said, trying to smooth things over, the other would somehow take the wrong way, and then have a shot at being the peacemaker themselves. They both looked pretty shot by the time we got home.
Same here. Or I'd start laughing at the absurdity of what I was doing.
I remember a time when a woman (a complete stranger) on the train looked at me and said, "Whew, hot isn't it?"
I replied, "It's summer."
She looked at me like I'd insulted her whole family.
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High-Fives.... can't stand them, can't figure out their reason, and find NTs looking ridiculous doing them.
Why do they need to clap their hands in the air when they finish, or accomplish something? It seems like it makes them even more happy! When someone tries to high-five me, I just don't acknowledge, and they get frustrated... I just tell them that I don't do that, they look at me perplexed, and quickly look around for someone else to indulge them, as if they need and crave the validation.
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How sometimes NTs use strong words , and make the statement misleading and vague, without "lying"
For example, when they say "may I help you?". They act like they dragged my worthless corpse out of a burning building
How they say "can you" , as if , if you "can", you have to
How they say "sorry", for sympathy and apologies. That way "sorry" means nothing
How they act like questions are morally superior to statements
Biscuitman
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How they seem to become friends so quickly having just met.
2 people I work with spoke at the gym the first time, by the end of the session they were like lifelong buddies, and of the day they agreed to meet up for drinks at the weekend.
They just met!! ! It takes me ages to be comfortable with people.
The two sexes can, in theory, be "equal" in status. But that cant be "equal" in the sense of meaning "the same thing".
But I get what you mean that gender and race are analogous in some ways but not in others. And some folks sound really dumb when they make the false analogies.
Like in TV news show I recently over heard in which they talked about people of "each race interacting with the opposite race". They used "opposite" instead of "other" because they were going by analogy to the expression "opposite sex". The use of "opposite" that way is idiotic. The two genders are "opposite" in the way that a key is opposite of a lock. The varieties of the human species that are labeled "races" are not "opposite" in that way, nor in any other way. They should of just said "the other race" or "AN other race[since most folks subdivide the species into several races,and not just two]".
How "I like your jacket" is a compliment and you have to say "thank you", but you did not see the jacket, and the speaker did not "help" you.
How precious lil "people" ask "how are you doing?", But there are five emotions and happy is just one of them
How precious lil "people" have the nerve to remark "pull up your pants", because of course, I "hurt" their eyeballs, and hurting people is a Mandated Reporter violation.
How they act like every thought and emotion that goes through their head, is the latest greatest scientific invention. But their vocabulary is stuck on "help", "hurt", " most people" , "respect", "rude" , "mean", dispositional versus situational, "do you have a question" "may I help you", "are you ok" , "why", "what", "huh", "unfortunately,", "sucks", "cool"
They act like they have a moral entitlement to whatever they want, immediately. Pedestrian, driver, toilet
Some self important lil riffraff had the nerve to correctly tell me that he turned on the hand dryer in the bathroom, ( as if to "help" me) (no no no. No). (too loud), and I would rather turn it on (or not turn it on) myself
I'll never understand the complicated psychology project that is courting a woman. I'll never understand why they display such cognitive dissonance in every aspect of their lives. They want to be treated kindly, but also poorly. They want all the power a man has in the workplace; but they want a man to have all the power in the bedroom. They want a nice guy who's also a mean guy. They want all the advantages of being a man with none of the disadvantages; and they want all the advantages of being a woman, with none of the disadvantages. They want equal pay; yet they want a man who makes more and can provide for them. They are put on a pedestal, protected from harm and revered as the gatekeepers of our species; yet they cry victim and complain about their perceived oppression. I'll never understand how men have literally EVERY statistical disadvantage in life, yet they still try to push this notion of a 'patriarchy' and 'male privilege.'
I'll never understand how there are thousands upon thousands of articles, books, etc. explaining to guys how to get a girl, but there are seriously NO articles explaining to girls how to get a guy... probably because she already has five of them vying for her attention as I type this up. I'll never understand why women don't realize how good they have it in 2018 and there is still this thing they call 'feminism.'
Whoops; got a little political there.
I'll never understand how there are thousands upon thousands of articles, books, etc. explaining to guys how to get a girl, but there are seriously NO articles explaining to girls how to get a guy... probably because she already has five of them vying for her attention as I type this up. I'll never understand why women don't realize how good they have it in 2018 and there is still this thing they call 'feminism.'
Whoops; got a little political there.
I think that every single example you give of what women want is an over-generalization and is wrong. As for there being no articles explaining how women can get men, have you never looked at a magazine aimed at women or teenaged girls!?
Oh what I would do to have been a part of your generation instead of my own... I was more referencing the women of the millennial generation. Since the dawn of the birth control pill and all the third wave feminist dogma; women have become a different beast entirely.
I haven't read a teen girl magazine but I've read some of the articles I've mentioned and some of the tips include: take all the initiative and do all the pursuing, be charming, work out and have nice body, make lots of money and have a nice car, wear nice clothes, pay for everything, have an interesting personality, make her feel wanted but not too wanted, be dominant but not overtly so, be good in bed, etc.
I would assume that the crux of a similar article for women would include: be attractive, don't be a b***h.
There is a plethora of definitive psychological tactics necessary for courting a woman as it's the man's job to prove his worth to her. All a woman has to do is be physically appealing and just show up. The rest is on him.
Oh what I would do to have been a part of your generation instead of my own... I was more referencing the women of the millennial generation. Since the dawn of the birth control pill and all the third wave feminist dogma; women have become a different beast entirely.
I haven't read a teen girl magazine but I've read some of the articles I've mentioned and some of the tips include: take all the initiative and do all the pursuing, be charming, work out and have nice body, make lots of money and have a nice car, wear nice clothes, pay for everything, have an interesting personality, make her feel wanted but not too wanted, be dominant but not overtly so, be good in bed, etc.
I would assume that the crux of a similar article for women would include: be attractive, don't be a b***h.
There is a plethora of definitive psychological tactics necessary for courting a woman as it's the man's job to prove his worth to her. All a woman has to do is be physically appealing and just show up. The rest is on him.
Essentially correct salowevision.
Females have become quite a different animal from the more recent generations than the ones born 40 or 50 years ago, unfortunately. Perhaps this has added to my own a-sexual psyche as I don't really find them appealing anymore, at least not enough to begin the ridiculous psychological courting ritual projects that you mentioned.
They're neither male nor female and this is largely due to the constant bombardment of corporate media that have been "attacking" (so-to-speak) the young chicks on a daily basis.
The Cosmo and Vogue magazines have constantly sought to redefine that which is male-ness and female-ness and now nobody from the younger generations knows what is what anymore. Male-female relationships are all but torn asunder as a result.
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Last edited by xatrix26 on 04 Oct 2018, 6:46 am, edited 1 time in total.