My Parents don't trust me to go anywhere.

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Joined: 10 Jul 2020
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18 Jul 2020, 5:42 pm

Piepulp: This is unrelated but could you please describe to me more in detail what exactly burnout is and what it looks and feels like. I'm not sure if I experience it or not but I'd just like to know more about it if you are willing to share. Also, how does burnout affect you?

Pieplup
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18 Jul 2020, 6:28 pm

playgroundlover22695 wrote:

I've done it in a few threads recently look at my posts.

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ever changing evolving and growing
I am pieplup i have level 3 autism and a number of severe mental illnesses. I am rarely active on here anymore.
I run a discord for moderate-severely autistic people if anyone would like to join. You can also contact me on discord @Pieplup or by email at [email protected]

LunaticCentruroides
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18 Jul 2020, 6:59 pm

You're 17 and you need to learn to live on your own and see the world. Your parents don't have the right to keep you "in prison". I don't know you, perhaps something happened in the past that makes them being so worried?

So if I was you, I wouldn't care and just go.
Rebel against it and do your own stuff. As long as you feel safe, everything is good.

Proof them, that they're wrong!

Pieplup
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18 Jul 2020, 7:17 pm

LunaticCentruroides wrote:

What happens when i actually hurt myself while i'm on these forbidden excursions and they lock me in my room

cyberdad
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18 Jul 2020, 7:52 pm

LunaticCentruroides wrote:

So if I was you, I wouldn't care and just go.
Rebel against it and do your own stuff. As long as you feel safe, everything is good.
Proof them, that they're wrong!

You need to be careful with recommending going out without telling parents. I would have a heart attack if my daughter left without telling me or my wife. She keeps us informed all the time via SMS.

Also if there's something that causes a meltdown or they get lost then who is going to help the OP?

LunaticCentruroides
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18 Jul 2020, 9:20 pm

Pieplup wrote:

What happens when i actually hurt myself while i'm on these forbidden excursions and they lock me in my room

cyberdad wrote:

LunaticCentruroides wrote:

So if I was you, I wouldn't care and just go.
Rebel against it and do your own stuff. As long as you feel safe, everything is good.
Proof them, that they're wrong!

Omg yeah you're right. I have no idea about the OP and how deep his autism is. I haven't read all the other posts in the thread.
I learned it on the hard way myself, that's why I was recommending it. I'm sorry, but it's the only way to detach...
And I just can't imagine what should happen if he just walks around the neighborhood.. I mean I don't understand the problem.

So OP, I take it back!

We don't want your parents to lock you in your room.

BUT, what about the future? What about his adult life? He is already 17..
If he wants to have an independent future, he has to take decisions for himself and without the parents being there 24/7 (if he is high-functioning “enough”)

If the OP is someone that tends to have heavy meltdowns, he should learn where his limits are. If he was scared to go outside alone, he would not have the desire of doing so and he wouldn't have opened the therad. Or am I wrong?

If he was unaware of his inabilities, I would understand why the parents are this way.

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18 Jul 2020, 9:47 pm

cyberdad wrote:

LunaticCentruroides wrote:

So if I was you, I wouldn't care and just go.
Rebel against it and do your own stuff. As long as you feel safe, everything is good.
Proof them, that they're wrong!

Well I mean the chances of me having a meltdown are low as for getting lost. I wouldn't go anywhere to get lost. But you're right being gone for extended periods fo time without permission is a horrible idea that would only make things worse.

Last edited by Pieplup on 18 Jul 2020, 10:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Pieplup
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18 Jul 2020, 9:56 pm

LunaticCentruroides wrote:

Pieplup wrote:

What happens when i actually hurt myself while i'm on these forbidden excursions and they lock me in my room

cyberdad wrote:

LunaticCentruroides wrote:

So if I was you, I wouldn't care and just go.
Rebel against it and do your own stuff. As long as you feel safe, everything is good.
Proof them, that they're wrong!

I'm fully aware of my inabilities. They are worried that I can't handle myself. See I partially fainted earlier today and now they don't want me to walk anywhere. They just want me ot stop living my life whenever I Run into difficulty. and I admit I can be unfazed by injury or things like that.

Last edited by Pieplup on 18 Jul 2020, 10:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

LunaticCentruroides
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18 Jul 2020, 9:58 pm

Pieplup wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

Yeah, so only do things you are 100% convinced about of being able to do.
And maybe you can think about some strategies.. For example taking a map with you(or google maps on your phone) and following the exact way you have marked and then going back home when you're finished. And you could explain this to your parents, show them so they know exactly what you're doing and where you're going.

And if you keep doing stuff like this, over the time they start trusting you and you're gonna be able to do more difficult and independent "tasks" by yourself.

The goal is, that you can do stuff on your own, and that they trust you.

livingwithautism
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18 Jul 2020, 10:02 pm

AceofPens wrote:

livingwithautism wrote:

I’m unable to take public transit alone. I get meltdowns and panic attacks and I don’t know what to do. I get lost easily and walk into traffic. I’m an elopement risk. My problem solving is poor so I can’t figure out what to do if I run into trouble.

I didn't know that other high-functioning autistics deal with this - thought I was the odd one out. My navigation skills are so poor, I can't even find the check-out at a store without concentrated effort and an employee usually has to point me in the right direction even then. It took me no less than ten trips to the local library before I could find the nonfiction section (turns out it was under the big sign reading "Nonfiction" - who'd have thought?). :lol:

I’m not high functioning

For Pieplup: My parents are/were the same - and some of my siblings definitely could've better used a share of the protectiveness that they applied to my life. They've backed off a little as I've gotten older, although there is still too much helicoptering for my own good. It is a little risky for me to navigate the world on my own, but it's a risk I'm willing to take and ultimately a choice that is only mine to make. One thing that helped them see me as less of a child was that I took on more independence in little things. There are small skills that demonstrate growing independence, like arranging doctors visits or handling an appointment on your own, that show them that your competence is building. That assures my parents that I am still developing skills for independence, albeit more slowly than their neurotypical children. I don't know about your parents, but mine actually have subtle "competence tests" that are almost definitely planned to see how our adult skills are developing. My mom once abandoned me in a checkout line to see if I could figure out how to handle the interaction on my own (I did, with help from the staff - they thought I was a middle schooler :oops:

). I'm not sure, but I think most parents do this. If not, you can try to prove your competence yourself by offering to take on responsibilities like that alone.

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18 Jul 2020, 10:12 pm

LunaticCentruroides wrote:

Pieplup wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

They don't even trust me to do things that i've done for years why would they start trusting me to do things i haven't done.

cyberdad
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18 Jul 2020, 10:24 pm

LunaticCentruroides wrote:

BUT, what about the future? What about his adult life? He is already 17..
If he wants to have an independent future, he has to take decisions for himself and without the parents being there 24/7 (if he is high-functioning “enough”).

That is a really good point and it's something the OP will have to negotiate with his parents based on how confident he feels he can manage any foreseeable risks. What is a risk will vary and having a mobile phone and keeping parents informed is a really important part of preparing for this type of arrangement.

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18 Jul 2020, 10:29 pm

Pieplup wrote:

I totally get it. If I were you I would equally feel frustrated.

Another thing to worry about now is the whole mask/social distancing irresponsible people. My daughter has been told she has to wear a mask now and she is all cool about it.

There are also scenarios emanating from misunderstandings. This is something my daughter hasn't learned all the scripts for handling every scenario when a person comes up to her or she needs to ask people for directions/help. She's pretty self-sufficient outside but I am worried about her getting bullied (she is really innocent and "Pollyana" about other people) and how she will handle herself.

Pieplup
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18 Jul 2020, 10:39 pm

cyberdad wrote:

Pieplup wrote:

I don't really have any desire to go to places where i'd interact with people. And anyway they are too far to walk to and I can't drive. So that's not so much of a probelm.

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18 Jul 2020, 11:01 pm

Pieplup wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

Pieplup wrote:

I don't really have any desire to go to places where i'd interact with people. And anyway they are too far to walk to and I can't drive. So that's not so much of a probelm.

Do you have parks or forest where you live?

KimD
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18 Jul 2020, 11:01 pm

The only advice I might offer is to have an honest talk with your parents. You need some straight-up answers.

Pick a time when there's nothing else going on, and be honest. Lay out your case calmly and factually--no exaggerations or hyperbole. Tell them that you understand if they're worried about you, and that you don't want to do anything drastic; you only want a little bit of freedom that you think is appropriate for you and your abilities. (Note: I suggest the words "I understand" as a diplomatic act. Clearly, you don't agree with them, and their behavior and apparent perspective is baffling, but it may help you if you build a sort of metaphorical bridge this way.)

Ask them for an explanation, and listen. What they say may be total baloney--but interrupting them suddenly/a lot or getting really angry might only "prove" to them that they shouldn't treat you better. (I believe they should!)

If they insist their restrictions are fair, tell them you still want them to change. Ask them what you might do, or what would have to happen, to get to a point where they will let you go for a walk or hang out in the backyard for a while. Make note of what they say, and if it includes steps towards a little more freedom, be sure to work on it.

I'm not saying this will get them to change, but you do deserve a better explanation from them.

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