madbutnotmad wrote:
Rexi wrote:
madbutnotmad wrote:
Yere the whole liking big but thing... something that i wouldn't trust... ... like really
but hey corduroy bit of a niche fetish.... kind of retro 60s hippy thing going on, perhaps spilt over to surfer skater baggy sheek that the rest of the universe doesn't understand... and while within your own group, wearing baggy surfer designer corduroy baggies, you are cool or normal at least, every one else looks at you as if you are a freak!....
but isn't that fashion all over....
Like I say, that big but love thing, not something i'm into, but what ever floats your boat...
As for getting over the 1 - 4 month thing, perhaps it is an unrealistic expectation expecting a relationship to be constantly fun, excitement etc. for ever.
In my experience, long term relationships really aren't all packed with fun and excitement day to day,
and in fact are bit more like a slow burning candle than a constant fire work display
perhaps that is why so many relationships end up failing
every one wants fireworks forever
but unless you are a billionaire
then it really is extremely hard to make mundane life super exciting for an entire lifetime...
i guess its a bit like buddhist way of looking at life
they don't say life isn't s**t
and don't promise you a super cool after life
they tell you to learn to love boring life by learning to accept suffering
which is profound in itself
and your partner is like your companion on this journey
who is there to support you with the highs and lows
instead of just the highs
and then does one to an easier circumstance
as soon as things get hard
Beautiful and touching post.
Perhaps it would be better for you to write a list of things you are into
such as interests, values etc. as well as work out your tastes when it comes to looks (or range)
I think you would be more likely to find someone who has long term prospects
than simply looking for someone who you are physically attracted to
i have to admit, that has always been my flaw (and many man's)
to want to jump into bed or start a relationship with any woman because they look hot
(and as said before, I am fairly flexible when it comes to my taste in woman)
However i think that getting romantically involved with a partner specifically because of looks
and nothing else is why i end up getting into relationships that end up either as really short
or i end up getting into a relationship that i haven't really thought enough about with someone
that i really am not particularly compatible with or who i even like / value / agree with.
I think if love is to last the test of time
you need more, such as interests, values, which has more longevity that just physical / sexual attraction
also finding someone who is trust worthy, who is honest, who really has your back
these are important for a relationship to last
especially in this day and age of tinder
where people can find a partner quickly
if they get bored or if they see a better offer in terms of physical attraction
but who may end up also being short lived or an abuser etc. as so many are...
yep. work out what your into and look for someone who shares your interests
and values as well as enough physical attraction that you want to spend time with
snuggled up
i don't think ideal partners have to be models
I never dated based on beauty ranking, superficial qualities are just getting in the way. I like skinny people, obese people, and everyone in-between, but I also like a lot of things in terms of qualities. To me a blobfish will be the most attractive thing if I want him to be.
I have dated people I had no attraction towards. I have also dated people of seemingly strong values but you never know what might be hidden. I had dated a chick that had the exact same interests and values as me but none of these matter much.
If I have an interest in the person I can enjoy anything with them. I also am interested in knowledge and learning about everything, especially that which is not within my higher knowledge areas.
What matters more than interests, in general, is the commitment and backing each other in tough times, as well as policing own behavior. Creating equality in the give-take is essential but my weakness is being cold when there other is, and ceasing to give. It can prove extremely damaging to me especially long term. But Im not surprised, it can be part of emotional abuse.
To be healthy I need someone who can give affection and support as a constant, and enjoys getting it back. Also someone who isn't gone for a long time like can be around by the book, at least twice a week [but present emotionally, don't want to waste my time and tears], preferably daily. Holidays are important to me, I might not be their family but we are a pack. I need someone who doesn't make promises but is set on a long term plan with me. Someone who doesn't have a need for control, who is willing to explore their sexuality freely with me, who doesn't try to get me pregnant and doesn't want kids, marriage. I need someone who lives here because it's got more chances to be healthier even though I like internet dating.
Someone who is not using substances to fix our issues and cares about their health. Someone who will not lie and will consider my feelings as well as doesn't mess with my boundaries and accepts consequences and aims to apologize when wrong. Someone who doesn't threaten me or play mind games, but chooses the proper behavior and communication. Someone who when angry doesn't become unstable and make hazardous decisions. Someone who likes my style and doesn't mind the fact that I cry a lot, and holds me when I do. Someone who is not very pessimistic and cares about their good sides. Someone who doesn't make excuses to avoid fulfilling my needs and who doesn't use me, but aims to take care of the things I say I need while trying to get what they deserve from me.
The most important is that it's healthy and we are happy to be with each other. I don't want someone who resents me continuously for little reason.
21 Dec 2020, 2:24 pm
