who here battles low self-esteem?

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Social was never a piece of it. Not ever. I never did much social in my entire life.
School. Work. Home.
BTW I forgot to mention I flew on a plane with Kurt Russell, but didn't talk to him ^^

I didn't lose myself in work emotionally, other than crisis management.
I hated my work 90% of the time. Maybe more than that.
I mean absolute desperation.
Freaky Friday for 20+ years.
It was a slow death by overwhelm.
Up at 4.30 am. Not home until about 7 pm.
Hiding in the closet at work just to have time alone.
Hanging on by a thread.
Not knowing what the hell I was doing.
Faking it just to pay the bills.
Unprepared. Disorganised. Terrified.
Lots and lots of sick days.
Lots and lots of time off / short term disability.




Of course. That's to be expected with any of us.
irl you'd be shocked.
I'd just be a mute blob.
No one knows what's happening in another person's head.
My real self and my writing self are completely different.
People expect I'm this articulate, witty person but nope.

i just remembered, i ended up using all my vacation leave in lieu of sick leave, at work, the last year i was there, at least until i was put on light duty before i got laid off. there were days i just couldn't do it at work. no spoons.

100% relate.
I had to fake paperwork.
I submitted pages of fake data once for an evaluation.
Walked in completely unprepared more often than not.
At work I could only think about home.
At home I could only think about work.
In the car (up to 2 hours), I could only play songs on repeat and try not to cry.
Most of the time I did anyway.
I'll be retiring with zero banked sick days.
Most of my colleagues had hundreds, and they could cash them in.

working for the uncivil service, we got a boatload of sick leave accumulation partly due to their encouraging us to use our vacation leave on anything other than a dire circumstance [hospitalization]. therefore, when i was laid off i lost almost a thousand hours acrued sick leave that they wouldn't let me use and wouldn't give me due to the fact that i was 10 years away from my nominal retirement date even though i'd already worked for 22 years for the bastards.

I didn't even feed myself.
Not enough executive function to make breakfast or pack a lunch.
Feeding and packing the kids was all I could do.
Sometimes I'd have to scrounge to colleagues for leftover fruit so I didn't pass out.
I didn't own a lunch tote or food containers after 20 years of work.

Yes your work was bastards.
It's reprehensible.
I had surgery after surgery when working.
My boss came to my house to confirm I hadn't taken off on vacation.
Such scumbags.
The whole lot of them.

sounds like we're both outta the rat race now, at least.

Is this the sympathy Olympics.
I know you get a bit of a raw deal now. Too. Canada not too favorable, in it's laws.
In England, you get a lot more consideration.
I don't know why it had to be so hard for you.
Somebody should have been there to help you more.
In UK, you can still be a mother, and NOT work yourself to death with a disability.
It's very lax here.
A relative has cystic fibrosis. She's never worked. She simply filed paperwork.
Even though she technically able, in away. So she had to contest it.
I'm not hard worker either.
Technically i could work, but i take the easy way out. ( not proud of)
I'm just collecting money right now.
For doing nothing.
The world is a mess anyway.
COVID. etc.
No fan of the 'rat race'.
Or the post-covid state of affairs which will be coming.
It's hard to be optimistic.

I didn't know I had a disability.
I was only diagnosed ASD in 2018 (years after work).
ADHD in 2020.
I knew I was a freak but had no clue how to explain it.
If I didn't have a full-time career and benefits / pension, I would have lost custody.
I had to keep my house.
I had to pay lawyers.
They give children to the parent who has the most stable income and can afford the better lawyers.
My ex was and still is a litigious, rich bastard.
I'm still paying legal fees after 25 years.

Last edited by IsabellaLinton on 08 Feb 2022, 3:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

I flew on one with Shatner and didn't talk to him. Who could compete with that voice?

Was in line next to Goldie Hawn in a Malibu grocery store, too. Speaking of Kurt Russell.

literally bumped into ted turner on a flight out of atlanta GA in a crowded coach section, he flew coach! sat in front of the late james doohan at a star trek convention.

That makes three of us. I totally agree with you and Isabella. I worked for 33 years and hated every moment of it. I remember when I first started I had to use a huge effort of will when I had to turn off the motorway to work… I just wanted to keep driving until I drove into the sea.

My last two years at work were the worst… I’d just sit at a desk staring at my hands and wondering what to do. Then I had a very scary moment at the train station… unpleasant ideation as a train thundered through. That was it… I never worked again.

Best wishes and supportive thoughts to anyone that’s in that situation.

You sure...it wasn't just some random grey haired guy...lol....The guy is a billionaire...he probably flew private jets. Hes still alive isn't he?

Hugs Trueno.

That's a very vivid description you draw. Thank goodness you made the right decision to leave work.
I was the same way.
"Hi Boss. I'm going to leave now for a long time and not come back. Let's call it medical".
"What? What's wrong with you?"
"I don't know. Everything and Nothing. I just can't do this. Something's not right."
"But ...."
"I will die if I keep working. I'll come back, maybe in a few months"

Near the end of my "few months" I suffered a massive stroke which sealed the deal.
Then I got Long Term Disability with a year of Rehab. I never went back.
Funny how we know our limits.

Best wishes is right. I can't imagine working now, esp. with Covid.

the read ted turner is 82. back then he was about 42. he is a tall drink of water and built like a bronze statue. it was HIM. no mistaking.

In answer to Blab’s question: probably mostly “situational.”

I’m just not competent in things that most people take for granted. I’m told that it’s ridiculous to struggle with “simple” things.

can you tell me what are "simple things"?