Autism and empathy

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Joe90
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07 May 2023, 4:25 am

I worry about things in the news happening to me, but I've been told that's catastrophising.

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TwilightPrincess
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07 May 2023, 6:47 am

Raleigh wrote:

funeralxempire wrote:

Raleigh wrote:

I'm not sure what that means.

Where you 'put stuff in boxes' so to speak, like overwhelming or negative experiences just get placed in their own little box to be dealt with later, or never.

I can put stuff that happens to myself in boxes and not deal with it for decades but I can't do that with other people's stuff.

i often feel numb about my own stuff but distressed over other people’s. Sometimes I try to imagine how I would feel if my trauma happened to someone else and the difference is pretty drastic.

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07 May 2023, 6:56 am

KitLily wrote:

Twilightprincess wrote:

Raleigh wrote:

I have so much empathy it can be paralyzing.
If someone has an issue it's like I'm experiencing that issue myself and I shut down.
So I appear cold and uncaring although I'm anything but.
Ironic, isn't it?

I can't watch the news for this reason. It's awful. I've been haunted by things I've seen on the news for weeks afterwards. It's like it happened to myself or family, not complete strangers. I don't seem to be capable of detachment.

I'm exactly the same as you two. I can't detach from news stories or even fiction stories. I never watch horror or crime shows/films because they are too frightening and I imagine it's happening to me and my family. Same with the news.

I suppose I appear cold and uncaring too whereas within my mind and body it's a whirlwind of feelings hurtling around.

I had to quit reading novels that I was enjoying because I found them too upsetting. I can’t watch horror movies, either, or anything that features torture or any devastating situation, really.

I’ve tried to desensitize myself but to no avail. It used to be very frustrating, but I’m used to it these days. When I was a teenager (17), I went to see a movie with my friends and found it so upsetting I had to leave and sit in the hallway until it was over. Talk about embarrassing!

I think I have an easier time compartmentalizing and feeling numb/detached when it comes to my own traumatic experiences than that of other people…even if they’re fictional. :lol:

Or maybe I don’t feel worthy of empathy. Who knows.

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07 May 2023, 7:10 am

Twilightprincess wrote:

I had to quit reading novels that I was enjoying because I found them too upsetting. I can’t watch horror movies, either, or anything that features torture or any devastating situation, really.

I’ve tried to desensitize myself but to no avail. It used to be very frustrating, but I’m used to it these days. When I was a teenager, I went to see a movie with my friends and found it so upsetting I had to leave and sit in the hallway until it was over. Talk about embarrassing!

I think I have easier time compartmentalizing my own experience than that of other people…even if they’re fictional. :lol:

I think we shouldn't desensitize ourselves, we've only got one life so we should try and enjoy it how we like. I'm tired of trying to fit in with people who like violence. If I wanted to see violence I could just watch the news.

Oh once I went with a Meetup group of people I didn't know to see a film. Can't remember what but it was cancelled so they wanted to go and see 'The Lovely Bones' about a teenage girl who gets murdered. Why on earth would anyone want to see that? I point blank refused, even though they tried to persuade me. I knew it would give me nightmares. I said I was happy to sit and wait outside while they watched the film but they didn't want to leave me out so we went to watch a comedy instead.

Is this an autism thing that we can't detach and separate reality from fiction/news?

I identify strongly with a Highly Sensitive Person, they don't like interacting with violent or upsetting experiences either.

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TwilightPrincess
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07 May 2023, 7:17 am

I tried to desensitize myself because my sensitivity has caused me so much distress and turmoil. Yes, I avoid the news and whatever else to the best of my ability, but sometimes one can’t help hearing stuff (such as about the war in Ukraine) and that information can make it almost impossible for me to function. It’s very challenging to deal with.

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07 May 2023, 7:20 am

I also don't watch the news and don't even look at Facebook anymore.
I have very high empathy for disabled or mentally ill or otherwise different people.

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07 May 2023, 7:44 am

KitLily wrote:

go and see 'The Lovely Bones' about a teenage girl who gets murdered. Why on earth would anyone want to see that?
Is this an autism thing that we can't detach and separate reality from fiction/news?

I identify strongly with a Highly Sensitive Person, they don't like interacting with violent or upsetting experiences either.

I enjoyed 'The Lovely Bones'. I have no issue watching violence. I used to regularly go to gore websites and I think I got desensitized to it until I saw Ken Bigleys murder and I felt physically sick and never watched real gore again.

I don't think it's an autistic thing not being able to detach and separate reality from fiction/news. I think it's a people thing so is individual to the person and it is a sign of HSP.

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07 May 2023, 8:05 am

Joe90 wrote:

I worry about things in the news happening to me, but I've been told that's catastrophising.

It could be catastrophising but it depends on what you are worrying about, if it's something like catching Covid , it was a reality, it if was dying from Covid it enters into the realms of catastrophising but not quite imo due to your age, and being female (i.e you were statistically less likely to die from covid).

Catastrophising is fixating on the worst possible outcome and expect it to be likely, when it's just anxiety kicking your ass.

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07 May 2023, 8:54 am

Recidivist wrote:

I don't think it's an autistic thing not being able to detach and separate reality from fiction/news. I think it's a people thing so is individual to the person and it is a sign of HSP.

Maybe, I don't know. The human brain is so complicated, I think we are all unique and that's why it is so hard to connect with other people, because no one understands each other.

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07 May 2023, 8:58 am

Twilightprincess wrote:

I hope you found a way to feel better. I feel like I'm a lot less caring since I had my daughter. My job is to look after HER. Not the rest of the world. If she's alright, I don't care about random strangers on the news.

Yes with the internet it's impossible to avoid every bit of news. When I was little we had the 6 o'clock and 9 o'clock news and that was it. Only my parents watched those anyway. Now days it's 24/7 news, it's relentless.

I say to myself, what is the point of them telling us the news 24/7? It's not like we can do anything about it when it's either finished or the other side of the world.

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07 May 2023, 9:10 am

I can feel something from any media, but at least reflexively be very detached from it.

At a young age, I deny a lot of emotions.
Because my emotions causes problems and I saw how much it caused problems around me.
Distortions that do not match reality.

I want to just experience by just take things as knowledge and fact, no attached to feelings to it and no judgment or any stupid commentary.

Doesn't matter where it came from -- whether as a personal reaction opinion from the subconscious or from empathy.

I can feel very devastated over someone I never knew... And quickly turn sarcastic over it because the fact is that it's none of my business.

Because -- I. Refuse.

There's no real desensitization -- unless getting sick of stories and dramas counts like one...
.. Which happens to me; getting sick of stories; doesn't matter if it's tragic, something to be envious of, or wholesome.
It's still a problem to me because it's the main source of my procrastination and distractions.

Or a change of reaction like being apathethic or callous, or an actual real self regulation is involved.

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07 May 2023, 9:38 am

KitLily wrote:

Recidivist wrote:

I don't think it's an autistic thing not being able to detach and separate reality from fiction/news. I think it's a people thing so is individual to the person and it is a sign of HSP.

Maybe, I don't know. The human brain is so complicated, I think we are all unique and that's why it is so hard to connect with other people, because no one understands each other.

Yes, we are all unique, I connect with a lot of people here (not so much IRL) as we appear similar but maybe that's black & white thinking?

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KitLily
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07 May 2023, 9:46 am

Recidivist wrote:

Yes, we are all unique, I connect with a lot of people here (not so much IRL) as we appear similar but maybe that's black & white thinking?

Same here. I don't do so well IRL because I'm 'too weird' and can't communicate in speech very well.

I appear much more normal online in writing :roll:

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07 May 2023, 9:57 am

KitLily wrote:

Same here. I don't do so well IRL because I'm 'too weird' and can't communicate in speech very well.

I'm too insular (personality not geographically) to connect with people IRL

KitLily wrote:

I appear much more normal online in writing :roll:

That's what you think

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KitLily
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07 May 2023, 9:59 am

Recidivist wrote:

KitLily wrote:

Same here. I don't do so well IRL because I'm 'too weird' and can't communicate in speech very well.

I'm too insular to connect with people IRL

KitLily wrote:

I appear much more normal online in writing :roll:

That's what you think

I bet our IRL problems are because we are in the Social Problems sector of the 4 types of Autism.

:lol:

god save us from being normal!

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07 May 2023, 11:50 am

SharonB wrote:

That's an out-of-date stereotype.

Not so much a stereotype, as an outdated viewpoint. That changed in to the viewpoint that we do not lack empathy. But that because of how our and their neurons are wired, there is an empathy-problem that goes both ways.

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