What is the difference between Men and Woman with AS

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No need to be sorry doesn't bother me how long the posts are

Thank you very much Affengeil , and everybody else this is a super thread;
Everything you say above ( apart from the last para which for me is definitely more recent!! )was so "me".
Until my narcissistic-personality survival-vehicule crashed during my breakdown, aged 29, leaving me in more visibly "standard" ASD condition .
I can still do a pale version of the "flirt" and social buzz zappy charming stuff, but I almost feel sick doing it now because I can feel how fake and overdone and artificially learned it is. How manipulative, in a neutral sense , but is still "tools for pleasing", not acquired overnight either! and how energy-draining, and kind of "in drag" it is ! !!
But it took me till now to realise that this new slower "dimmer" , more awkward etc state is ASD and not persistent depression!!

I'm thinking increasingly that there is a significant difference between the ways in which some women with ASD express it and the generally recognised "syndrome".

That possibly large numbers of women and girls with ASD are passing unnoticed, but with ruined lives which are taken for granted apparently.

That the reasons they're passing unnoticed are deeply distressing, in my case for instance it seems to have been because it's perfectly "normal", (and a classic subject for humor or contempt ),for women to be pathetically obsessed with social success and pleasing guys and getting their clothing just right!! !!
Despite being intelligent, creative, and sensitive !
And precisely because they dedicate this intelligence , compulsively and obsessively and minutely and patiently to the task, turn out very good fake/drag versions of the conventional versions of femininity!!

As I did increasingly from about 12, if include from when started daydreaming romantic-sexual fantasies every spare moment, until mid 20's when cracks began appearing in the construction!!.

I think the invisibility of women with ASD is perhaps terribly linked with pervasive sexism. The attitude that women are just "like that" ! !

Last edited by ouinon on 19 Oct 2007, 7:56 am, edited 5 times in total.

You sound a lot like my boyfriend, MrMacPhisto. In fact, men like you (quiet, shy, ASpie, sensitive, intelligent etc) have been my friends throughout my life. I wouldn't survive long with a testosterone driven man's man, or with the female equivalent. In fact, I thought ALL aspie men were like that until I found this board. Some of the "menly men" who I figured were NTs (like rugby, beer, crowds etc) are saying THEY are the As's I'm as confused as you are, and I don't think its a gender thing.

Yes , it's odd, but maybe not surprising!
When men with ASD collect beer mats and sports scores and stuff, it's ASD symptoms ,and the same with all the painstaking and obsessively ordered science and computer and technical knowledge amassed by many , but when a woman puts masses of time and energy into "compiling" the intricate rules for how to dress well/elegantly/appropriately, or has read 5 years of Mills and Boon romances , or knows all the best moves ( like a footie fan knows football-moves off by heart!!) for charming a guy ( the looks , the smiles, the hand gestures, the tones of voice, just like a robot ,) it just means that she's a woman.
It couldn't possibly have anything to do with the same form of exaggerated and obsessive-compulsive research and accumulation of data and dates that is ASD!!
Even when it is an otherwise bright and creative woman engaging in it with such immense effort and sustained attention!!

Last edited by ouinon on 19 Oct 2007, 7:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

I am the SAME WAY! As for social skills, I guess I am ok in many ways, but FORGET intimacy, etc... I could AMAZE a woman, but I just am not able to go that far socially. I suspect I MIGHT be better socially than a number of people here. Still, it is a FAR cry from normal.