How do I stop replaying negative memories in my head?

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Joined: 28 Feb 2008
Age: 42
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Location: Sandusky, Ohio

21 May 2009, 3:23 am

I totally hear ya.

I can't suppress bad memories, like many people do. Hell, I still have bad dreams about my past.

I think you speak the truth; I gotta work on it.

Psygirl6
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21 May 2009, 8:30 am

I usually replay them by talking them out loud, but this time I would control the end result, where the end result is the way I needed and/or wanted it to end, not the way it actually did.

Nordic
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21 May 2009, 4:45 pm

I can understand your pain. I Was diagnosed with PTSD due to an abusive workplace bullying situation I went through about 4 years ago that led me to my eventual Asperger's diagnosis. Like you, I still deal with intrusive flashbacks of the way I was treated and the hateful words that were directed at me. I've seen a few therapists since then and have been offered up a number of suggestions, such as mental stop techinques, letters to the bully, and ritualistic burnings of the memories. I didn't really find any of these things to be helpful...

As was mentioned elsewhere, I think a lot of it has to do with finding (or not finding) closure. I'm still fighting off thought of tracking this person down with my (recently out of prison) younger brother and beating the s**t out of this person with a couple of baseball bats. THat would give me closure... But so would moving on and leaving the pain behind me.

As the years go on the pain decreases and the memories have faded a bit, but given the trauma I went through it's hard to imagine that I will ever get over it fully. It's just something I need to accept about my life.

Probably not the advice you were looking for... I know.

Nordic

Last edited by Nordic on 22 May 2009, 11:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

rainbowbutterfly
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21 May 2009, 7:24 pm

Oh yeah,
something I forgot to mention before is mindfulness, which means to be fully present in the moment by being aware of your surroundings and all your senses. Whenever you're outside, for instance, try to pay attention to the trees, the sky, and the wind and temperature. Whenever, your doing the dishes, try to keep your mind focused on just that, and whenever your eating keep your mind focused on the taste and texture of the food, etc.
Also, a psychotherapist mentioned that if you become aware of your breath and take control of your body tension while thinking intrusive thoughts then you could make them go away when you tell them no.
However, this hasn't worked for me because I'm often too caught up in my thoughts to notice my breathing and tension in my shoulders. I mentioned it in case it can work for some of you.

natesmom
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21 May 2009, 9:08 pm

I am doing this right now. I can't seem to let go of certain things. They play over and over in my mind. Even when I have some good memories they are clouded by bad memories. I can't think of good memories in school, only bad ones. My son just graduated from kindergarten and I keep going through all of the horrible experiences, that's all I remember. Bad experience - changing schools. I look back and my time in college - only a few good memories. I remember the bad memories like it were yesterday. It is just so hard. For example, whenever I think of my sons kindergarten experience, it will be all negative, all of it. That isn't fair to him. I don't really remember good memories. We tend to remember things that invoked strong emotional responses. That is the reason why, I believe, some of us tend to remember negative more than good. The good memories are usually not as strong emotionally compared to the bad ones.
How do you stop? I like the idea of keeping busy.

PrisonerSix
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22 May 2009, 2:15 pm

Nordic wrote:

I can understand your pain. I Was diagnosed with PTSD due to an abusive workplace bullying situation I went through about 4 years ago that led me to my eventual Asperger's diagnosis. Like you, I still deal with intrusive flashbacks of the way I was treated and the hateful words that were directed at me. I've seen a few therapists since then and have been offered up a number of suggestions, such as mental stop techinques, letters to the bully, and ritualistic burnings of the memories. I didn't really find any of these things to be helpful...

As was mentioned elsewhere, I think a lot of it has to do with finding (or not finding) closure. I'm still fighting off thought of tracking this person down with my (recently out of prison) and beating the sh** out of this person with a couple of baseball bats. THat would give me closure... But so would moving on and leaving the pain behind me.

As the years go on the pain decreases and the memories have faded a bit, but given the trauma I went through it's hard to imagine that I will ever get over it fully. It's just something I need to accept about my life.

Probably not the advice you were looking for... I know.

Nordic

I sometimes wonder if I have PTSD over the the bullying at home that happened to me growing up. I still obsess about a certain period of my childhood, allt hese years later. I've even written about it here, and even though I got supportive responses, the memories still intrude.

Based on what it was, I wonder if PTSD is possible from something that would not be considered a major trauma, but I sometimes think I have the symptoms.

I was once diagnosed with depression, but have never told a therapist about this.
Wonder if I should have.

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TheDoctor82
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23 May 2009, 4:52 am

I'm indeed trying not to think about bad memories...at the moment, I'm limiting it to 'blocking out" the first 20 years of my life; I know, "how horrible", you might think. Well...whatever works.

I'm sure in time I'll find better ways of handling it.

bigbadbear9885
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29 Jun 2012, 7:27 pm

Mw99 wrote:

I think one of the biggest problem in my life right now is this habit of mine of unwillingly replaying negative memories in my head to the point of obsession. I can't really ask anyone for help with this problem, because they'll look at me with a smirk on their faces and with a sarcastic tone of voice tell me that I need to force myself to think about something else. And I sit there trying to be polite while I'm thinking "Wow, you ret*ds, I never would have thought of that solution on my own!"

This is the part a lot of people don't get: I cannot make the memories go away. They are intrusive. They come uninvited into my brain.

Just a while ago, I was replaying the memory of this person who used to laugh at me back in school. I remember him laughing at me, and I feel the pain I felt back then. Then I go on and on thinking about hypothetical scenarios and things I could have done or said differently. Sometimes when I am thinking about witty comebacks I should have came up with, I end up unconsciously saying those things out loud, as if talking to myself. Luckily, as far as I know, I still haven't done it in public. It would be extremely embarrassing if that ever happened.

I know some of you are probably thinking I'll get over those memories, but that's precisely what I thought when the events depicted in those memories occurred many years ago. Each day it's a different set of negative memories that won't go away.

How do I stop this problem?

This is the first time I've found someone who has the same exact problem as myne!! I obsess about a bad memory every minute of my life and I think about what I should said as a comeback and I just yell them out, it's so embarrasing, I have been caught sometimes.

I wonder if its my autism or my ocd...

Misslizard
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29 Jun 2012, 9:34 pm

Big problem for me,I have quite a collection.I go over and over them.They are so vivid and I can smell the smells and other sensations like they are happening again.It's like Groundhog Day(the movie not the actual day).I also wish I could delete them.Lexapro and Ativan have helped some,weed not so much.I also see a therapist.Good luck to everyone who deals with this.

SixSeven
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29 Jun 2012, 9:52 pm

I used to do this quite a bit. Over time I forced myself to become desensitized to them.

With a couple of exceptions they have zero emotional impact on me now.

If you take the emotional weight out of the memory it magically disappears.

CuriousKitten
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29 Jun 2012, 10:16 pm

BlueMax wrote:

I had this same problem!!

I forced myself out of it with an idea from my counselor - he was speaking metaphorically, but it works for me literally.

"If the memory is a videotape and you want to stop it from playing, you have to eject the tape."

Well, that did the trick! When the intrusive memory comes to mind, I quite literally imagine a VCR or DVD player EJECTING the cassette/DVD! The TV screen going blank, and the memory-video stopping.

It stops the memory and puts something in its place. I've been so negative, these memories were eating me up and making my personality downright acidic! I'm slowly becoming more pleasant company by improving my disposition and outlook. Negativity's a killer!

Hope it helps!

Excellent idea! I've always had a problem with embarrassing memories, sometimes form decades ago.

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30 Jun 2012, 2:05 am

BlueMax wrote:

Interesting.

You could also set aside one night to go over and think about your bad memories, "forgiving" yourself/the world/whatever for each item, realizing your mistakes, reading about people who have it worse, acknowledging your emotions, etc.

Then, press eject.

J-Greens
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30 Jun 2012, 4:08 am

ooo wrote:

BlueMax wrote:

Or I could find the tape called 'life' and press eject? A LOT EASIER.

I don't know. This is a fundamental problem for me. If I want I could describe in enough detail to paint each screenshot of each moment in the memory. It's that vivid and instant triggers a massive shutdown, which is now I've turned mute within five minutes of reading this thread. I want to burn it away, the memory, the place and everyone who was present or known about it since. Or a reset button. That would be nice.

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