Emotion Management - Info from Attwood conference

Post Reply New Topic

oh, that cartoon is of EVERY marriage, trust me.

and it isn't ME that turned into the anti-Christ.. . it was my HUSBAND!

Merle

I guess some people have had bad experiences with CBT, or it just doesn't work with them. But I don't understand why some of you are so quick to brush it off. I think that these 'tools' can be useful. I suppose it depends upon how one implements CBT into their life, but I don't see it as having to be followed like it's a 24hr step by step guide to living and becoming a 'better', well-adjusted person. F#@k that. I agree, be yourself. But as I see it, these tools are to help you when you need them. Like it says - emotional management. Perhaps we should add in brackets (For Times of Crisis).

For example there are times when an aspie might want to do relatively simple things like see a doctor, go to an interview, go to the pharmacy, get groceries, go to family social events - things that will cause a lot of stress etc. I can appreciate that some of these tools would be helpful to get a handle of your emotions in these situations. It isn't like you'd want to turn yourself into some other person, it is that you want to be able to do things, achieve some little things, and share your life with friends and family, in a way that is not as stressful, painful, bewildering etc for yourself and others.

Certainly, if someone tells you that you can totally turn your life around or become a new person 'cured' of your aspieness if you follow a strict CBT regimen, then I think you are being misguided by someone who, while they may mean well, lacks insight into the breadth of humanity.

Here is what I think:

IF the neurotypical society did NOT constantly lie to each other using the excuse of politeness and good manners, then Auties and Aspies would NOT have a problem identifying emotions!

What is so misunderstood, is the fact that auties and Aspies KNOW EXACTLY what the other person thinks cause we have a sixth sense that tells us this information.

The problem begins when the NT person in their idiotic attempt to hide their TRUE emotions wear a mask. This mask creates the problem.

The Autie/Aspie SEES the TRUE emotions and then also SEES the MASK!

Now I ask you:

- which should we believe????
- which should we respond to???
- which should we take as true and which as fake???

We CHOOSE to IGNORE BOTH!! !!

This is the MYTH about Aspies and Auties NOT recognising emotion and not reading emotions and all that NT crap!

Just because the NT society is a BUNCH of idiotic LIARS, we Auties and Aspies get blamed for their lying and idiotic attempts of hidding their TRUE emotions!

We are NOT the idiots nor the abnormal ones, the NTs are!

When NTs get this, then they might one day understand why we choose to simply ignore THEIR stupid emotions!

Families who suffer by the autism of their kids are exactly that kind of idiotic NT parents!! ! They create their own problems by not showing their true emotions BOTH positive and NEGATIVE emotions because they assume that they can fool their Aspie and Autie kids...

That is how stupid these NT parents are. They THINK they can fool their kids sixth sense which knows exactly when they lie and try to hide how they feel from their own kids...

Yeah, yeah, yeah... In the name of Love ... that is your crap excuse!

In the name of Love for your kids you LIE to them, CONFUSE them, HIDE your true self (which self is BOTH good and BAD - but you refuse to accept and acknowledge that you even HAVE a BAD self) from them, and then BLAME them for your suffering from their autism... you are idiots. Did you know THAT????

Star

Sorry Smelena but I am with Star here

Star its so refreshing to have some one stand up for us for a change, I was beginning to get sucked in myself for a while...

How many NT parents have tried just for one whole day to be and act like an aspie, I also have spent a life time of having others trying to change make me what I am not... no one ever manage, they just confused me and cause me pain. I am just now only just allowing myself to be me, after far to long and nearly totally crushed by society in general...

I know there are some wonderful NT parents who really do embrace there children's differences and it shows, happy unique children.

Time and time again parents want there children to be text book style and when it does not work frustration on both pats, parents even drug there children to control them and now they have invented a condition they suffer because they can not change us!

Why can you all not just embrace these children and there differences... you will never know your real child if you try to change who they are..

Be your child for a while, live through there eyes, maybe it will open up a whole new world for both of you..

I am really not trying to upset you all, but to get you see from another point of view, an aspoie one... do not let your child suffer as I have... because the harder you try and change them, the more the wall will come down..

Wow...were to even begin with the last two posts.

I think you are both projecting a lot of your own personal issues onto people who do not even come close to your own parents issues. What I see here are a bunch of parents who just want their children to learn some coping mechanisms so they can maintain as much of their independence in adulthood as they can. We are talking about real children living in the real world...one that not only is not going to cater to their differences it is going to abuse/punish or exploit them for them.

So here, I am projecting my own experience with having received no positive interventions. I was a happy kid hen ingaged in my special interests but suffered constant anxiety because I was always getting in trouble by my parents or peers for not being "them". Is that fair...nope, but it is reality. If you had a child and you moved to France...would you tell your child that they never needed to learn French because the French should learn to speak their language ? I doubt it, you would want them to have the best tools possible to function in a French society. They don't have to like eating snails or pretend they do but they need to learn to except snail eaters and not condemn them for their tastes....aloud,anyway.


I was suicidal from 16-26 because I was in pain. I chose not to have children because I didn't want to be responsable for bringing someone into an existence that was that painful to me. If someone could have helped me...I would have taken it because the alternative was death. If parents here can find a way to eliminate that suffereing in their aspie kids...how can you say that they are "against them". They are not doing so just for their convenience but for the future happiness of their children.
What is so terribe about learning how to identify your emotions and learn more positive coping skills for them. It's something I think ALL people should do.....like the 12 steps for me(well, at least some of them). AS or NT benefit from understanding themselves and learning healthier ways of coping. Would I like to see more attention paid to the dysfunction of NT coping...(need for status and more money and material goods then they can enjoy, addictions, need for power over others)...yes. I would be the first to say that there are as many unhelathy NT's as their are ASers, but does that mean we shouldn't spend any time improving our own lives just because they dont have to? Not logical.

Well said krex. I would love to live in a country where my "uniqueness" was understood and celebrated, but I have not found that country. Instead, I've needed to be practical as to what helps me function in the reality of my environment, while at the same time recognizing and developing my unique strengths. I don't have children, but I think I would want my children to understand that they need to be themselves while at the same time recognizing that to be effective there are times that they need to learn things that aren't entirely natural and to compromise where prudent.

Z

Sorry hun, but BOTH my parents were Aspies like me and my brother and his 3 daughters...

And by the way, if the NT world is such crap why do you want Aspies and Auties to compromise instead of fighting to change it?

Let me guess... cause YOU are scared s**tless!! !

Sorry again, but you do NOT count... cause when WE (non-shitless Auties and Aspies) do change the world you will be still acting!

Star

Well, I am glad that you have found some happiness in life, not much point in living it other wise.

Last edited by krex on 27 May 2008, 10:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Star, a bit harsh, but I understand. Neville Chamberlain is the role offered aspies, it ended his career.

I am a functionig whole. It works well later in life, that wholeness came at a price.

I am like a machine, that the, so sure they are right and I hence must be wrong, world has felt they all had pemission to take parts from, or change functions, by whatever folly of the mind they were living in.

In it's simplest form, that even an NT should be able to understand, you are Windows users, we are Mac. You are so sure that just a few changes to my opperating system and I will become Windows friendly, and I will be better off for it. Before Playing God with humans, go alter the operating system on your own Mac, it will never run like Windows, it can no longer run like Mac, you have crippled or killed it.

But I was only trying to help!

The most hateful thing said to me on WP was after I explained that I have come to terms with being myself, I understand the difference between my thinking and the world, and have used it with some high personal success, getting Patents, writing books, having a string of business durning my life, and reading deeply in the History and Science fields, there is a good side to us, a great side, once free of tinkers, tamperers, and the self elected.

The reply was "Oh you poor man, how you must suffer!"

Ten Nobel Prizes and I would still be a hopeless ret*d to some.

Being a perfect NT, they have a right to kick me down, insult me, and then wonder why I do not speak to them. They were only trying to help, and I was not seeing the world as it is because I am a deluded ret*d. I am resisting help from my betters, which shows how ungratful I am for them working their fingers to the bone to help the ret*d.

Missionary go home? We reject your religion, and you self elected speaking on our behalf.

Tony Attwood knows Dingo squat about Autism, and his groupies know less.

We are real adults, with lives of our own, and the main cause of pain is you.

Lying to yourself is one thing, the NT way, lying about me is slander.

You do not and cannot know us. You also do not want to know.

When I said, "That blows Attwoods credibility for me."

No one asked why I thought so. I get the, we NTs are working tirelessly for you ungratful ret*ds.

Quit, go away, you are making things worse.

You cannot learn about Autism, you lack something basic.

You are just like that other group that ignores us, shuts us out, and claims to speak for us.

Using some of these behavioural tools does not turn me into an NT puppet, or change me into some person I am not.

I can see how learning to use one of the 'Physical activity tools' that smelena listed would've helped me out in times when I have been so angry with my parents that I have thrown irons, boards, knives etc at them, picked my mum up and thrown her, or been so distraught as to bash my head into a concrete wall. These are harmful for all concerned. In my mind, it is in situations like these that learning behavioural therapy is of benefit.

However, it does make me sick to think of parents wanting to use therapy, medication, etc to change or convert their children into their perceived ideal children. Lots of people are clueless and scared when they hear 'autism'. We need to educate them. People also need to learn some acceptance, and tolerance, and learn to appreciate our many idiosyncrasies.

Star, I know exactly where you are coming from - I actually found the quote above, in particular, quite triggering for my own anger!

Why is it "smart" to stay calm & in control? Who has decided this? Why should it make others uncomfortable when we fail to do this? If it does, surely that is their problem!! !!

Why can't NT's be taught that it is fake not to express your emotions openly and spontaneously at all times; that way we could always know who they really were and what they were thinking.

I am so sick of being told I am childish & immature every time I react to something that has irritated me.

I have a right to react any way I want - what harm does it do?

My grandmother and first cousin killed themselves because they couldn't manage their emotions. NT or otherwise, there are a lot of people in prison and a lot of others who are damaged due to meeting up with those who were reacting any way they wanted to react.

Z

The mistake is believing that we have a choice. Any decision we think we take is just another ( chemically and/or neurologically/cognitively) programmed part of us dominating.

I don't ascribe to the us versus them mentality, due to personal anecdotes and objective views of groups and the violence they promote on others (individuals and groups). An "aspie" can be just as much a liar as an "NT".

I'm eagerly awaiting Human Affective Disorder.

I am talking about expressing, as opposed to suppressing/concealing, an emotion, not causing harm to or manipulating others.

In my experience, a failed attempt to do the former is what ultimately leads to the latter, i.e. a spontaneous expression of irritation at the moment it is caused is better than suppressed anger building up & up until it explodes in the face of some totally innocent party.

It is the issue of why NT's get so uncomfortable with our openness that I am bewildered by. I know that they do, as I have experienced it many many times, both when I have a meltdowm myself & when I have witnessed others losing their temper.

All the NT's shuffle around uncomfortably, look away, and seem to think that the whole situation is just too embarrassing for words.

A classic example is the model Naomi Campbell (I'm not saying she is an aspie, but she is famous for her meltdowns!) when she got enraged at Heathrow Terminal 5 about them losing her bags.

She was subsequently quoted as saying that she only did what everyone else ought to have done in protest at such an unacceptable situation - and she got vilified for it!! !!

Why???? On this occasion the woman was ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!! !! It is all the NT's who stood around & tut-tutted at her lack of control who ought to be ashamed of themselves.

They should have all stood up in support of her and said "OK, so the system's not working - why don't we all storm behind the barriers & go find our own bags?"

There is no excuse for accepting the unacceptable!

Everyone is a passive victim of egocentric/neurological determinism . . . ? Just waiting for the "wiring defense" to make it impossible to punish any criminal action.




Good one, Daniel. As soon as HAD gets a website going, I'm sending it to a few people I know!

Z