suicide

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well technically im bisexual. and she thinks im dating my other (male) room mate. which for a time I did.

If you tell her, make sure you have a backup plan.
Someone who already knows.
What's the absolute worst that can happen, and what can you do about it?
Who are your backup people?

My mom is what you would call a god fearing woman and homoxesuality goes against her morals. she has a weak heart i rather not risk loosing another parent over holding something a secret.

but thats not my biggest issuei guess, its my gf. we are having problems and dont even know if we will stay together for much longer. she is also my caretaker and i depend on her for more things than love and attention. sometimes i think its too much for her and that she may need a break but under doctors orders im to be supervised at all times. there in lies the problem, i think. its little things i do all the time that add to her stress like forgetting rutine. stepping on the wet carpet and going to bed and dirting the sheets because i didnt think about it, or forgetting to do something she told me to do, even though she just told me, or or well the list is too long and i dont want to gte into it just makes me feel more pathetic.

But mothers are not "most people."
It's a biggie. You need to think it through.
I've never been there, so I don't know what I would do.

Bozewani, you'd be suprised.

It always helps me to make a list of what my problems are and see if I can do anything practical to solve them. If you can't realistically do anything, then you shouldn't feel bad.

I think for now you should try to discuss your depressed mood with your doctor. If nothing else, they may change your medications or try something new.

What have you got to lose?

Hey Tempy,

Good to read your new posts.
I do believe staying in contact with the Samaritans is a good thing, keep on writing emails with them (or phone). They will never judge you, they will understand you too and might come up with something you haven't thought of and is really useful.

I do understand your life is pretty tough at the moment, life can be like that and that you get upset or depressed is very ubderstandable. You do have a lot to deal with at the moment. You can't change everything all at once, you can't solve all your problems at once, but you can take one step at a time. If you cannot deal with some issue at the moment, then leave it till you can deal with it. Just deal with one thing at a time. You don't have to tell your mum that you are gay now, do you? Tell it when you can deal with your mums reaction. It doesn't hurt to wait a bit longer to tell her?!
With not getting an aspie test is like you are not being recognised by your doctor, not being believed. Try to find a way that you get tested, ask for a second opinion, pay for it yourself, but only get tested if you want to and think it would benefit and help you (health wise). You don't have to convince yourself and us and hopefully you girlfriend too of who you are.
Your relationship seems to be quite stressful at the moment too. I don't know what to say. You can tell your girlfriend that you understand why she gets agitated and that it is not what you want. All this stress and tension of doing the wrong thing can make you become worse, just because you want to do it right... I don't know if this is true for your, but my experience it was like this, getting stressed trying to do it all right and than just ending up making things worse. It doesn't hurt to tell her that you are trying your best and that you want to do things right, but because of stress and anxiety you are making more mistakes. You can ask her what she needs to become less agitated and stressed. It looks like a vicious circle that needs to be broken and that is not easy, but it might be possible (with some help).

Thank you for everyone's advice. Its not like I want to think about death. Just sometimes I get so tired that its the only thing that runs through my head. but all day today was better, since we are moving, as stressful as that is, there was too much moving around and focus on this one task that i didnt have that many dark thoughts at all.

doesnt always work thats the problem. sometimes im so busy that i do everything wrong and end up in an argument or a meltdown.

what about being busy, but try to stay organised as well. I have a board in my room where i write everything down, appointments etc, that keeps me a little more relaxed.

tried it, id forget to write stuff down in it, i still forget to mark days off the calendar!

mine is like a big board, right near my door. You couldn't miss something like that

I .. well.. >,< im just stupid and cant keep track of anything. even the stuff to keep track of stuff.