Easier to be AS and ugly?

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Hi - I date a guy with AS, I'm NT, and I've observed that my AS boyfriend's experience in the world is definitely made more difficult by the way he looks. He's high-functioning, has striking looks (nearly 7ft, waist-length hair) and always stops the conversation when he walks in the room. People turn around to look at him in the street, and it's impossible for him to hide. He also has a superb control of language. Consequently, people expect a lot of him, and get very upset and even angry when he doesn't behave in accordance with the unspoken set of NT 'rules'. They feel let down.

As a result, he sparks a lot of intense interest, then gets marginalised or even shunned by people who think he's been dishonest or duped them. And really, he's just utterly confused by the experience. (What drew me to him initially was a shared interest and his articulate knowledge about it on a forum that we both belong to - he's expanded a whole fascinating world for me in science fiction).

The way I'm helping him to reduce people's annoyance levels is to explain the 'rules of the game' and the assumptions that NTs operate under. The NT 'rules' are shifting and unsteady things to understand, even for NTs, because NTs too are egocentric and come with their own individual peculiarities, but they just hide it better.

It's a mad old world out there!

7 feet ?

That's gunna attract a lot of attention !

He reads while walking ?

That's going to attract a fair bit more attention.

Doesn't he trip up a lot ?

Oh, and I meant to add - I don't think it's easier to be AS and 'ugly'. Ugly probably attracts the same kind of misunderstanding as handsome does. It's likely easier to be average, neutral, and to blend in. For the broad run of NT's, anything outside the norm, 'not like us', is difficult to deal with. Even NT's who pride themselves on standing out are only joining one herd or another.

When I was in my teens, I looked a lot older than my age, so I seemed to attract a lot of older guys. Mostly it was my very long unstyled hair and my older than usual dress sense. My hair was the first thing that most guys commented on. Other than that, hardly any guys my age thought I was good looking, except my two ex BF's of course, which I dated after high school. Plus I used to wear my hair in the same ponytail everyday.
But when I went out with my mother to various places in the evenings, I wore it down and tickling my butt, which gave me the look of a medieval maiden (no joke).
Nowdays, I don't even notice if someone finds me attractive.
I don't worry about it, but I do know there are things I can do to make myself look better. I just wish things like solariums, gym memberships, hair salons, dietitians and a new wardrobe didn't costs a buttload of money

The part of my body that I think is the most unnattractive atm I'd say is my hands. My hands look hideous due to the dry cold weather and me washing them too often. They are so leathery and rough atm its not funny. The 40 year old lady at work has younger looking hands than me

I'm lucky to be a man living in Canada, were women do not flirt but if I hit a club (or a bookstore...), it will happen.

For the few times where I've engaged a conversation, I knew it was going to turn for the worst so I would just grab a drink, excuse myself and walk away, even though the girl was hot and probably interested in something more than chatting.

I`ve bitten myself several times.

Good thing that it is now a thing of the past, I'm older, got a wedding ring and women don't look at me that much (not that I really changed, though).

Membersix wrote:
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Sorry for calling you a jerk.

I think that being rejected for being difficult at a very young age causes one to hide his/her true nature. It's very sad. Still, there is no excuse for playing with people's emotions.

I was so wrong about you and aspie guys are not jerks. They are so sincere and say such kind things and are rarely sarcastic. They also are very loving and supportive in their relationships. And Membersix is obviously a real nice guy like he says.