Tonight on Greentea: Aspie artist making it...MILLIE ! !!

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Oh, millie,

I have tears in my eyes as I read this because I, too, have been confused by myself as long as I can remember, and mostly haven't understood / liked myself.

The beginning of understanding and acceptance is the beginning of life.

Z

^thanks zonder. It is really good to know you and others here on WP.
The older odd bods are especially 'mine own kind" and i value you.

(Responding to the same post as Zonder)

I hope I've said it before, but you are an inspiration to me millie, and I consider you a friend. I felt I could relate to every line of the above post, especially now I am coming into adulthood and the reality of my weirdness with intimacy and sexual relationships, and my seeming inability to feel love in the same way others seem to, is really starting to hit home.

When I read your posts I feel this real connection there, like you think along similar lines to the way I do, and it makes me feel less alone and less insecure within myself. I guess reading your posts makes me feel less alienated.

Hi millie,

Do you ever find it difficult to part with your work, such as when giving it away or selling it?

I ask because I find it immensely difficult to do this. It feels like having to let go of a part of myself, which I find is the case for everything else I own. I become very attached to things.

I'm also interested in what your experiences are like teaching students. Sorry if this is too general; I'm not sure what to ask specifically.

I teach privately. I was offered a job to teach in an art school but i turned it down and do not want to do that. I am a whistleblower by nature (typical social justice AS person) and i invariably get into terrible conflict in group and work situations, so i carve out everything as a kind of solitary unit. I cannot cope with staff-room,s bureaucracy, fitting in to that kind of system. So I do not even bother wtih that world anymore.

I teach once or week or once a fortnight privately to a group of students who like my teaching method and my work. I find teaching tiring but rewarding. All who come into the class must be approved by all members - it is run along egalitarian lines - so I do not just advertise and get anyone to join. It is by word of mouth and there is a waiting list. I teach no more than 7 or so, at once. Any more is a nightmare. It is all special interests related and I lead the group in the sense that i impart knowldege.
I have talked with my psych about my very developed capacity for analysis of self, artwork and even people cognitively. I use these skills in my teaching. Tantybi mentions it with such finesse in a thread I read last night. ...How we can learn to analyse things and people. We may not have empathy and we may not intuit, but we can analyse beautifully.

At morning tea and if there is a lunch break or a social time, my students know to leave me alone and i just read art books. They go and have chit chat and i can join in if it is art related. When it gets onto social things like holidays with their families and other things, i cannot really participate as i cannot relate. All my students know I am autistic. They know the nautical stars on my forearms are symbolic and visual reminders to me to ALWAYS seek a journey to my own self. They know I am eccentric and they also respect me. I respect them. I am honest, blunt and yet caring. I can have foot in mouth disease and i am known to occasionally "rant." I do not socialise with them. I talk to them about the passion of painting and creativity. that is all i care about. I will tell them when their work is s**t. I have learned to do so nicely. But I will tell them.

I try to encourage each individual student to pursue his or her own self - to have an unflinching commitment to that in spite of whatever obstacles come their way. All human beings have internal and external obstacles to overcome - not just us autistics. 12 step programs have taught me that.

I am always solutions-based in my analysis of their work and their process.
I may be lousy at tuning in to their emotions and their social worlds, but i can teach them about art and paintinge and i try to encourage each to find that little bit of autism they have in themselves.

I love the questions that people have been answering!

I just wanted to inform, so there are no misunderstandings, that I'm undergoing an operation on my eyes tomorrow, so I won't be around for a few days.

Best of luck, Greentea

Yeah, good luck Greentea.

*psychically transmits a get well card with a picture of a Central Asian mosque at sunset with a flock of birds flying in circles*

Take it easy, Greentea.

Z

Ah, a person who understands. Sitting in a classroom around people is literally torture for me.

I'll say Millie, that anyone whom is able to overcome a great amount of his/her own troubles with having AS has a great amount of respect from me yet, I've not really managed to come close to your accomplishments so far but, I try neverless..



ProfessorX

i tried university three times and it was hell for me.
I dropped out and the last time, vowed never to go back.

I was approved as a teacher - because of my skills - in the TAFE system here in NSW - but two things are obstacles.
firstly i had to complete a poxy cert iv in workplace training (one day a week for 9 weeks) and i cannot be frigged with the petty assignment work because it is not a special interest, and i missed some of the days because i could not face people . (there were 5 in the class and i was one of the students and it was not art/painting related so it was hell.)

Secondly, I realised there is no way i can teach in a bureaucracy where i have to deal with social networking, politicking, the ins and outs of the "game" and the way people get on or not get on together.

I can maye hang in a group for a couple of hours, but beyond that is meltdown, confusion and exhaustion....So confusing in fact that i cannot make decisions such as it being time to leave, or eat, or drink something. i go into this weird state where i cannot relate to myself because i am so overwhelmed by exteral stimuli.


and thanks Prof. good to see all your posts this morning at 3am my time.

Hi millie,

You often mention the art scene and being an outsider.

Could you describe its nature a bit more and how it operates?

The art scene is probably the most unregulated industry onw can come across. that means its tenets of operating hinge on nepotism, corruption, lack of integrity and for the most part a lack of ethics. It is a "who's who" game of positioning and people and openings and stuff that is HELL for us.

HOwever, within the scene there are pockets of integrity - real practioners who are the real deal and who pursue their craft as they would a monastic life. They are utterly committed. These are my role models. a couple are loose mentors. These are the EXCEPTIONALLY talented practitioners and artists who work quietly and consistently over a lifetime and who come to the fore in their 60's and even 70's. THey often have a quiet career, and while a sale here and there is appreciated, this is not the main dirve of their work or their life or their approach to the scene. Often, they have a alot of autistic traits whilst not actually being diagnosed, funnily enough!

THe scene is odious.

BUT - this is the thing....GOOD work and GOOD artists stand out. THey may not be up the front of the pack getting all the notoriety, but they will be respected by their peers and seen as exceptional artists who may not yet have come to full fruition. Intelligence and talent are often respected. Hard work is respected. Medirocre people get jealous of that, so one has to protect oneself - especially if autistic because of our track records and heightened sensitivities - and manage a career in the arts in a novel way that is a bit idiosyncratic and different. BUt that comes naturally to a lot of us, so it is a boon and not a disaster.

IT really is a hideous scene. It is about shallowness and often it is about star-making, money, corruption, dishonesty and what people say IS NOT WHAT THEY MEAN.

I have learned and been bruised and battered terribly by the art scene in my region and country. I have learned to pull in, to focus purely on the work. There are decent people everywhere. We meet through weird circumstances and help each other along.

The hardest part is getting to a point where one has galleries. everyone wants to have galleries that sell their work, and once you have galleries, you want "better" galleries. The main entry into the scene is to work hard and do it every day and enter into comps - FREQUENTLY and consistently for a few years until you get viewed as a "stayer." this is what i have done and now i only enter a few. I am not at the top level of the art scene in my country by any means. But i intend to be in another thirty years - just coming up to 80 - and i intend to do it in a purely idiosyncratic way> what i do have is respect from people because of my work ethic (chuckle chuckle - work ethic? don't they mean "play ethic??" it's better than sex and better than social stuff, so i'm laughing at the term "work." )

What we have to do as autistic people is find ways and means to live and operate successfully in a worl that is not primarily geared for us, and to do so on our own terms. IT is POSSIBLE. But one has to go on a deep journey of self-knowledge and exploration to find out what is best for oneself.
I am 46. It took a lot of years to be this clear about things. I am known as difficult, a super-brain who cannot be argued with very successfully, a pedant, a committed painter and someone who others listen to. I am also hated and loathed and have been bullied. I have learned to steer clear from anyone like that as it saps me of my energy for painting, causes the interminable autistic worry and fretting that we can get rutted in, and is so confusing that it is hell for me.
I have found a bunch of artists who are true and committed. But mostly, i just paint and do all on my own.

the dreams are there for us. We are often so battered by any scene - science or art or whatever - that we shut down and give up. We must not do that. Many of us are amazing people and we need to find ways to believe in ourselves so we can glitter with life and eccentricity and joy and creativity in whatever field it happens to be.

Whenever i get down, - and i do get down - I watch Glenn Gould on youtube. I talk like him when i am on a roll - but about art and not music. He is my hero. He had a successful career and it was a RECORDED classical career. He worked things his way and hated the notion of "the audience," and so he opted out of that "live performance" scenario and created his own way of doing things. He was a pioneer and he lived his quiet life with his piano and the lake and the object of his lifetime - the chair his dad made him - and he was true to himself. he is my greatest hero and inspiration.

ANd so , he pursued his gift but on his terms. and et he existed within his "scene' but on his terms.
That is what i am doing and fine tuning and it is very, very good to learn from him and others.

working and then comps are the way to build first. it is a long haul. but possible. and enjoyable.

I guess the arts scene has the problem that, unlike in other areas where you have some fairly objective standards (engineering works must not collapse, scientific experiments must be reproducible, patients should survive surgery, etc), but art involves more value judgments, allowing for rampant nepotism, etc. It happens in other fields, of course, but it's kept a little more in check I think.

I too think that oil is the best painting medium, though also the hardest.

It's interesting what you mention about not having difficulty parting with your work - i've never sold anything, but I think I'd find it difficult to part with my work, I'd feel so much time and work has gone into it. On the other hand, I think Richard Feynman (a physicist) was right in saying that if someone buys your artwork, it shows they truly like it, as opposed to just praising it or accepting it as a gift, which don't necessarily prove they like it.

it's good to hear that you've found your way despite all the obstacles.

This describes the experience exactly. It's what I'm currently going through (with science); all the energy has been sapped, and the thought of what I loved now makes me confused and ill. I want to avoid this so it never happens again.




Another description I fully identify with, being in shutdown after recent experiences. It's now reached the stage where there are signs they are going to use the shutdown to try to penalise me for the system failures.

It's true that we often can't operate on others' terms; we can almost kill ourselves trying, but in the end, it seems the only way forward is to adopt this highly individualized approach you describe. However, I'm still fighting because I feel I can't move on until they are held accountable, and this perseverance is how I operate; I'm told others would have given up months or years ago. The process, while horrendous and confusing, is itself part of an individual approach to things.