JeffJ wrote:
Frankly I see it both ways. On one hand, Jesus Christ I wish I could communicate with actual peers. I wish I could hook up with women and go on dates without having to make an elaborate plan. that would be swell. Imagine, being able to intuitively understand what other people are thinking or feeling, almost automatically. Knowing when to shut up or when to keep talking. knowing the subtle bodily signals that mean different things. Knowing how to deal with emotional social situations without feeling like an outsider. How could that aspect of aspergers possibly be enjoyable?
On the other hand, I am gifted with high intelligence and the ability to reason and plot my way through life. It will no doubt get more difficult, but Im up for the challenge. I feel mentally able to deal with it and it has given me a very realistic outlook on things. My intense preoccupation with certain subjects has gained me a lot of knowledge, some of which can be quite useful. It makes me feel great about my abilities and the fact that Im not just walking around like a blind sheep sucking in every dose of BS that society wants to feed me. I feel liberated in a way.
So my answer, is all of the above. It is both Gods great gift that I am able to function on this level and a great curse that I have so much trouble communicating this gift to others.
As much as I would like to press the button for 'curse,' I can't. One of the greatest things I agree with this quote is that I do have a gift and am able to see beyond what normal people percieve in media and in society in general. and even though the disadvantages are strong I feel that I am a bit blessed to have gained social experience to understand certain certain cues.
That said, in all that is holy do I feel lonely with AS. I am going through a terrifically hard time going leaving law school and entering into a masters degree and I feel alone without being able to hang out with my friends as much as I used to do in a city that is not my hometown. To make matters worse, I don't have the social ability to communicate as much as my family does (all NTs) and feel like an island even when around them when they come into town. Also add the salt to the wound that I have an affection for one of those friends and cannot, even if I could try, I cannot express those feeling because I care for her to not drag her into this rut and because I have the social capabilities of a hydrant when I talk to her. My disadvantages with AS have hampered me from getting out of my depression and limited me from being able to communicate to any of said people to the point that I am pouring my soul out to a group of people who I've never met in an internet forum.
So yes there are advantages that balance it out but, good lord, I'm losing faith in it not being a curse.