First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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For instance, if a friend is in trouble, I can be there to listen, and I'm often keen to try and help them figure out a way to solve their problems (like solving a puzzle). I usually seem unemotional during this process, which (I've noticed) is something some people find comforting; I can be the level-headed friend who puts things in perspective from a realistic unemotional standpoint and can list the options for dealing with the situation at hand instead of getting lost in crying over it.


You've just described Warren Buffet who I strongly suspect is AS (currently reading his autobiography The Snowball Effect) that cool headedness is what got him to be where he is today. That seems to be his one and only AS passion , money, his not at all interested in material goods (that's for his wife) .

I'm giving this question about "why don't people call back when they won't help you" another shot.

DenvrDave, I think if knowing something is wrong were all it takes to stop acting that way, there would be far less people acting wrongly on the planet. And I can't believe that NTs are the only ones who adopt bad habits from their parents.

Ok, here is a second try.
I think many people and particularly women are taught that it is rude to say "no" to a polite request. Even if for reasons of their own, they don't want to help. They are taught not to be egoistic and to put the wishes of others above their own.
Now here comes someone with a reasonable request that they don't want to answer: Either because they are lazy or because they don't want to share their hard won information with anyone. They don't want to.

Yes, it is selfish. But consider that behind every selfish feeling is an unsatisfied need. So, perhaps this woman was unwilling to share her data because she wants the glory associated with it, and doesn't want to share it, because as far back as she can remember people were always leeching off her and taking stuff and getting praised for it, while she got ignored.
Is this irrational? Totally.
Should she be adult enough and therapied enough to be over this? Sure, but there are many more people who need therapy than who actually get it or can afford it.
Is it rude? Absolutely.
Should you be required to understand why people are rude to you? No, not at all. You just react accordingly. And here comes the second part of what NTs often imply with their behaviour:

NTs, who often feel they are not allowed to be selfish by saying "no" to a request, have been taught another mechanism to deal with it. They have been taught that if you cold shoulder someone and ignore his request more than once, the person will get the hint and understand that he should quit pestering you. While still entertaining the possibility that you may just have forgotten to call him back. This vagueness allows both the asker and the not-answerer to still remain on polite terms. While if the not-answerer had said, "sorry, this won't be possible. I don't want to share." the other person would have been confused and pestered them some more "but WHY not", which leads to more drama, or the other person would have thought "what a rude person", and gone off in a huff.

Not all NTs deal with requests this way. In fact, it is heavily frowned upon in a job or in business settings. Mature people say no and they say so calmly and deal with the fallout. But just because someone is NT doesn't mean he is good at life, mature or knows how to deal with things. Many people still fall back, without even knowing it, on things they have learnt so early they can't even remember it.

ETA: This is not the answer to everything, incidentally. For instance, some people are just flakes. We don't know why. People who answer emails only rarely, forget appointments, forget promises, are scatterbrained and get by because other people forgive them.

Yeah, I think I just interpreted what you meant wrong. But for completenesses sake, this is where I got my conclusions from:

I too, am a teacher and have a son with aspergers. I can tell some of the characteristics. For me, Aspies (sp?) are not invisible at all. I will tell you I have a son who I love so very much, but he doesn't seem happy, is alone most of the time. I worry so much about his ability to take care of himself (he's 22) So, I guess I have different worries than greentea who wants to be acknowledged. I am sick with worry. And I do acknowledge you!

ok, so I must be an NT, and this forum is designed to facilitate communication between the 2 groups...which forum would i go to for help in understanding my son. This is my dilema.

Parents' discussion forum - a lot of helpful people there, both AS and NT

for people who have aspergers who feel that much of NT behavior is mysterious to them. Well I must admit that many NT to NT behavior is mysterious to me. I find people in general to be self centered and difficult for me to relate to. Most social situations are not that much fun for me even though I understand body language, and communicate well, etc. IT is a dog eat dog world out there and kindness is a rare entity. So, for those of you who feel lost in understanding so called NT behavior, you are not very far off in your observations. Best to love yourself and then find another person who loves himself or herself to spend time with. We all are just mostly alone in this world, even NTish people.

thanks, I'll go to the parents forum