List one NT thing you do not understand.

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How society won't let you express anger. Is it so wrong to get upset at something? What's wrong with expressing how you feel?

I don't understand why NTs do smalltalk or invite people they don't really like.
My grandparents do this all the time, they invite someone to dinner, but they don't like them and gossip about them behind their back.
I don't get that, if I don't like someone, I avoid talking to them, and I surely don't invite them..

I remember reading my old diary and oh boy how my family and people at school used to get upset with me for expressing myself. It brought back painful memories and I had totally forgotten about it. I must have blocked it or something because it was that bad I bet. No wonder I don't express myself well. I bet I eventually shut down and quit expressing them because why even bother if people don't like it?

Makes me wonder what other things went on in my life I don't remember about because I somehow manage to block stuff that is painful.

One of my aspie friends told me there are social rules about how to express yourself and if people get mad at you for doing it, you are doing it wrong. So I think when you get mad at an autistic person for expressing themselves, they go on not doing it at all or too little. It's like a double edge sword. There is no in between, it's black and white. Either they do it, or they don't. They either do it too much or too little and we do tend to do the opposite so if we learn to not express ourselves because people kept getting mad at us, we go to not doing it at all.

Makes me question myself even more because if some of my traits were created from society, maybe it's not part of my AS, it's because of society.

Can aspie traits be developed from society and bam it's part of our AS because of society? After all we do tend to take things to extreme and we go from doing something too much to not doing it at all. So families do have to be careful how they treat us. Like if we were taught to apologize, bam we start doing it too often and people get upset about it so we learn to not do it as much but we end up not apologizing enough or not at all. So it's like people have a choice, would they rather have us do excessive apologizing or not do it at all? There is no between. So they have to make a choice. What is better?

That has always confused me. My Aunt always dreaded me visiting when I was a kid but she would write "Come and see us" on my birthday and Christmas cards. Why put they want me to visit when they really don't?

Sometimes people like to treat everyone the same so if they were going to invite everyone over, they had to invite the person over they don't like so there is no discrimination.

Like if I were to have a party at my apartment with my autism group, I would have to invite everyone, even the people I don't like. I don't discriminate or single anyone out. I find that to be mean if someone does that.

Maybe this is the case with your families.

That's cool, but why complain about the person you don't like, later? Lots of people do that. It seems like they only invite the person they don't like over so they can complain later about how much of a drag it was having the person there. I used to feel bad when I wasn't invited but not anymore. I only want to go where I'm wanted.

That's cool, but why complain about the person you don't like, later? Lots of people do that. It seems like they only invite the person they don't like over so they can complain later about how much of a drag it was having the person there. I used to feel bad when I wasn't invited but not anymore. I only want to go where I'm wanted.

I have no idea. I don't think I'd have a problem with people being here whom I don't like for special occasions.

The need to form a firm belief one way or another when the evidence simply doesn't support one conclusion over another and then to respond to that belief as if "fact".

The need to predict things as if it's factual before the outcome is known and then say endlessly "I knew it! See! I said that would happen! I said so!" with regard to the 50% of the occasions when their predictions just happened to be "right", as if their ego was tied to feeling able to predict.


Is this just an NT thing? I don't know. Perhaps it's just more commonly an NT thing.

I wouldn't say "just" but being wired for big pictures with fuzzy detail might help.

Here's something that really bothers me, but I have no idea if this is only typical of NTs or if also AS do that. I have a tendancy to "tell it like it is", to tell the truth (other then the occasional white lie so another person's feelings don't get hurt), without any intention behind it other then simply telling the truth because it is natural for me. However it seems often people take what I said as if I meant something else.

Here is an example, someone invites me to go somewhere, I tell them I can't go because I don't have money, they interpret this as if I wanted to borrow money to go, which is NOT the case at all, I am simply telling them the truth instead of lying about having to go somewhere else or trying to find another excuse not to go, while the only reason is simply what I just said, and I am absolutely not asking for nor expecting money. I guess I should try to lie instead so it wouldn't make people uncomfortable and thinking that I want to borrow money (which I never have done). This is just one example, it applies to many other situations.

Shadi

I've often come across this dilemma. I'm not sure if I'm giving the right answer for you here - but this is a normal human thing, NT or NL (unless someone is really stupid, which we're not). Anyway - here's an example, for my work I have got a christmas meal coming up, where all the employees go out for a meal in a fancy restaurant before christmas. I'm looking forwards to it because although it's a social occasion, it's an envorinment where I can feel comfortable because I know all of my colleagues so I have no excuse to be shy or embarrassed (which I'm not). Anyway, enough with this - the point is I don't know how to get home because it's a bus ride away (about 10 miles) but I don't want to be hanging around a rough town by myself in the dark waiting for buses (because where we're having our christmas meal is in a very rough town what gets rougher in dark evenings; there are often attacks by drunk lowlife people). And I don't really want to tell any of my colleagues about this concern because they might think that I'm hinting to them to give me a ride home, which I am not. And then they might feel obliged to give me a ride home, but secretly feel annoyed because where I live is out of their way. I think all NTs feel this way too. I've spoken to loads of NTs who have this dilemma. It's good to feel like this sometimes because it proves that you have empathy and you're actually aware of what the other person might be thinking. So we've all got to face that some time or another, although it is awkward.

I always think it's people offering you money or a ride, etc. They are doing it to be nice and sometimes if they want you to come that badly such as family or friends, they will offer you a ride or to loan you money or to give you some and not pay them back. My husband does that with his parents when his old boss has a barbecue at his house for Memorial Weekend, 4th of July, and Labor day and when his parents can't come because they don't have the money in gas to drive 40-50 minutes to get there and back, my husband gives them ten dollars so they can come. It pays for their gas and they don't need to pay him back. He does it to help them out so he can see them.

But if they got all hissy about it as they give you those offers, then I can see why you gals think they thought you are asking for that stuff.


One time I was at one of my autism groups, my favorite one where we all have it at the IHOP. I have to drive all the way into Washington to attend since that's where they have it. I didn't want to spend any money on food so I skipped it and one of them offered to pay for my meal and I said no. I had money but I because I am so obsessed with it, I was being cheap so to use someone else's money to eat wouldn't be right. I just ate when I got home. I don't remember if this person was on the spectrum or not who offered nor do I even remember who offered. This group is mixed with NTs and aspies and it's for people with other conditions too like NLD, ADD and even my husband can come. He went with me to the Halloween party they had.

But now I don't attend that group anymore because of my work schedule and I am working when they have the group. I can only come if they host weekend events like they did with that Halloween one.

Once I went to a wedding with my mum, and the bride's friend had offered and arranged to give me and my mum a lift home (even though they didn't know us really, it was still nice of them). My mum got talking to her throughout the wedding, and she seemed really nice. But a week later someone (who mum knows well) told us that the friend was moaning about us behind our backs, saying she didn't really want to give us a lift even though she had arranged to herself.

Wow, maybe this is why some people don't take offers from others. I don't get why people do this. If you don't like doing it, don't. It's not like someone forced them right?


Also I have wondered if people really do do bribes and offers just to see what you do and when you take it, they hold it against you. I saw that in a episode of Full House where Michelle's friends did it because they both wanted to be her partner so they bribed her with things and she couldn't decide and then her friends got mad at her and they both decided to be each others partners. Then at the end of the show they both said they wanted a friend who isn't going to want stuff from them. I was like "What the heck? They offered it to her just because they wanted her to choose them as her partner so they thought they'd do a bribe by giving her one of their things." Then I started to think if people do those things in real life just to see what you do and is it some sort of test?


I am always taking offers from people and I wonder now if they just do it as a test. I mean sure if I said I didn't have money for bus fare and someone was nice enough to give me a couple dollars and change and then right after I pay, they see I did have money after all but I just didn't want to spend it, then that be a good reason to be mad even though they did offer. Of course I don't do this scam but I heard some people do.

For me, it's how everyone else seems to be perfectly comfortable with silence in conversation, I mean ..maybe I'm okay with silence in convo with close family, but it's like ...here comes the awkward silence, and it's as if they LOVE IT, or they just undergo it without any ability to save themselves from it. There's never an awkward silence during which I don't immediately think of something to say, probaby because I've become skilled at saving myself from the awkward silence.