The autism social rule book.

Post Reply New Topic

One rule I learned is that, sometimes you can get away with breaking the rules, and sometimes the rules are different between groups, and sometimes you're not even supposed to follow the rules.

For example - rule #4 is listed as "If someone asks if you like their new haircut--ALWAYS compliment it." This rule applies for probably most of the people most of the time, in most situations. But I had a job once at this autobody shop, and if asked that and you said "It looks really great", well, it wouldn't be wrong to say that, but, if you always followed the 'rules' like that, eventually you'd be ostracized. You were supposed to say something more like, "It looks like you used a palm sander, but you're so ugly it isn't the first thing anyone will notice." It was important to break the rules once in a while or they'd think you were phony and awkward - in that specific environment. The rules change quite a bit according to context.

Usually people love talking about themselves. Ask things about them.

Don't put biscuits back into the tin. I've learnt this one. When someone offers me a biscuit, I usually take one, look at it for a few seconds, then chuck it back into the biscuit tin, and usually somebody says, ''don't put it back!'' I have no idea why I can't put it back, because when other people shuffle through the biscuit tin they're still touching all the biscuits while trying to find the right one.

Perhaps the rule is ''if a biscuit has been in your hand for more than a few seconds, don't put it back into the tin''.

I have no idea what number this rule should be:

Rule #: When you begin speaking to someone and the person you are speaking to seems interested (they give eye contact and then nod) at first and then begin to turn away and talk to other people, remember to stop talking; they don't want to hear you, no matter how important what you are saying is.

I can't count the amount of times this has happened to me. I remember I kept on talking the majority of the time. I just recently caught myself. I was trying to speak to one of my classmates about an event that just happened that I was upset about, and she ignored everything I said. I felt even worse afterward because she didn't listen. I usually keep personal situations to myself, but this time I decided to tell her because she asked what had happened. She thought I looked upset, so she tried to seem genuinely interested, I'm guess. Try not to get yourself hurt; people can be pretty rude and cruel when you are putting your feelings out there.

As an NT, I approve this message! You guys are much smarter than we are. Our insecurities get the best of us and we say stupid s**t to make other confused. This is where a lot of the "playing games" comes from. We wouldn't need to play games if we just said what was on our mind or did what we felt. You may feel insecure about things but it's only because NT's make you feel that way because you're not like 'them'. Take over and change the world (In a good way). Become the majority. We will follow. Our insecurities won't let us NOT follow.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, realize how important this one is! You can miss out on a million jokes, good news, good advice, you name it. Usually once someone is interupted a time or two they just shut down and you can be missing SOOOO much. and it really can be "your loss" not theirs.

Remember - those who are the norm get away with picking on those who are different. Those who are different are not supposed to pick on the norm but have to adapt to it. Yes, it makes life bloody impossible.

Amen!!

I don't know if this has been posted, but--
If someone you're having a conversation with suddenly seems uncomfortable, and says "I'm going to go (blah blah blah insert person to talk to or thing to do)" you've probably unnerved them, so don't offer to accompany them there.
My autistic friend has done this around or with me so many times and I finally had to explain to her what it means when people do that.

I learned awhile back there are lots of rules about socks. Like, don't wear white socks with black shoes, or vice versa. Today I learned that there's a difference between "dress" black socks and "casual" black socks, and you have to match those to your shoes, as well, or people will look down on you.

If you have a bad dream about someone or about their pet or child or loved one or someone in their family, do not share it with them.

Make sure your lipstick is on perfectly otherwise people will laugh at you.

Apparently you can't wear clothes what you can see your bra through. You must put on a little vest top underneath.

Remember, fashion comes before health with NTs. You must look trendy, you must NOT wear things that will suit your health unless they look stylish.

If your significant other asks if they're a bad girlfriend/boyfriend, do not proceed to list their flaws.

I just finished reading all 50 pages. this is a good thread.

Some of the "rules" are a bit alarming, mainly the ones about acting like an as*hole because NT's sometimes act like that. If you're trying to fit in, this is not the way to go about it. This brings me to my "rules" (which have been said before but I find I need to remind myself of these often):

ruleCount++;
There are very few 'rules' that apply all the time. Even when you're told by an NT that something you do is *always* wrong in every situation. That rule may not even apply to the same NT on a different day. Most rules need their own set of rules as to when they apply.

ruleCount++;
"If you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all" doesnt always work. Often, saying nothing at all is as bad as or worse than what you were thinking.

Maz

Don't word things in an unusual way. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but it is to other people.

Like the other week, I asked my friend, ''what time is your announcement today?'', meaning ''appointment at the job centre'', and she said (in an annoyed tone), ''it's 'appointment', Jo.'' Lucky I can ''read'' tone of voice.

When your workplace says its working on solving a problem, don't keep bringing it up if it's not really trying to solve it. Sometimes people want to believe they are doing something better than they really are, and they will be unhappy with you if you point out the discrepancy.