List one NT thing you do not understand.

Post Reply New Topic

I "don't understand" how they compete all day mercilessly to make more money than the next person and rip people off then act united in peace and love at music concerts.

Simply, why no one can truly be theirself, when people go on about 'being yourself' all the time. I actually mean it when I am myself!! !!

That has always baffled me aswell. 98 percent of NTs put on a front when they're out. My auntie is very social and friendly when she's out, but she often says that when she's at home she really screams and snaps at her boyfriend and her teenage daughter when they're being selfish and awkward. And I found it hard to imagine someone like her getting angry and upset in her home.

Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. So I don't know how people can say ''just be yourself''. Unless they mean that you don't copy other people, but have 2 different personalities of your own: one for when you're at home or with familiar people, and other for when you're at work or out in public. That is very difficult indeed.

This time, I have two things.

The first one is how people try to stay in an abusive relationship instead of leaving it or divorcing as soon as possible. I mean, why should you be worried about how you are percieved in the relationship or whatever illogical reason that people stay when they should concentrate on getting out of here...I'll probably never know what the reason is.

The second reason (very personal) is why people won't make an effort to understand me. I mean, the children in my class call me arrogant and rude because I "try to act smart and good" and "that I never talk to normal people", when I just like to read hard books and study genetic diseases, and that I'm just a quiet person who has no interest in getting to know someone who won't make an effort to know me first.

I'm still young, so I'm not as rational as the rest of you (I'm 14, by the way, and I'm generally neurotic and irrational as it is), so please bear with my reasons. I haven't really learned about psychology as much, and the books aren't telling me the reasons why certain people choose to act vulnerable, so I need to get taught about why people do the things they do.

"My anaconda dont want none unless youve got buns, hon!"

Sir Mix-a-lot.

This.

Why do we have to stop and talk about everything we ever did? I don't care about what I've done. I only care about what I am doing. And awards in general baffle me. Why does every little thing have to have a competition and trophies? There are freaking KINDERGARTEN graduation parties now. Tell me this isn't about the parents' egos and I'll call you a liar.


I do think weddings and such can be important events, but good god, it's not the second coming of Christ.

Constant need for attention, communication and "sharing".

Need to be entertained all the time.

Constant need for any kind of stimuli.

Loud music, people and shouting in general.

I have a theory. I asked my licensed professional counselor this. Her response was that there are certain norms that people comform to. I was confused but I think I may have an answer after much reflection. I think what people are saying is that we can be ourselves but within certain constraints. These constraints are society's norms.

Greentea, touched upon this but when NTs speak they have a tendency to leave out clauses because they're implied. They have a tendency to use shorthand in their speak. Their social rules appear contradictory but what if they're not? What if when their sayings and rules taken as a whole are supposed to be meshed together in a certain way? For instance, if my true natural self was a psychopathic serial killer should I be allowed to be my true natural self if my natural self enjoyed killing people? The norm is most people would be against that and find it revolting. Are we allowed to be ourselves? The answer I believe is only to a certain extent. Nothing says, we can't attempt to enrich certain norms though. In addition, comforming to society is to a certain extent as well or else we would have absolute facism. If everyone was allowed to be our true natural selves I believe we would have chaos and anarchy. It has to be mixed up.

Look at this Venn Diagram


A = being ourselves
B=comforming to society's norms

I believe our main problem is we're sticking to A Xor B. Xor is exclusive or which means we're only allowing are selves to either choose A or B while excluding A and B. I believe A is to a certain extent and B is to a certain extent.

pretty diagram!
i believe using A and B together can be made possible if the general behaviour rules are acceptable to you , and you do not have to fake it. but not everyone can accept all the rules, there are some rules one might find conflicting with their inner self, they then have to chose between A or B. I would advise A if you're fearless and want to be proud of yourself, and B if you put social interactions as your main source of happiness

Actually, you're right. Sometimes , you may have to challenge the norms but be prepared to pay the consequences. I reccomend before challenging anything you have to be in a position of strength.

Why do NT teenagers and people in their 20s think that going out and getting pissed out of your head is so great?

When my 19 year old cousin went out for the first time to a friend's birthday party and got drunk, he had the hangover all night, then when he told me, my brother and my 2 other cousins, they all crowded around him and were practically congratulating him for poisoning his body, and they started throwing all these questions at him, excitedly.

''What did you have to drink then?''

''How much did you drink?''

''How drunk did you get?''

''Do you remember anything from last night?''

And I stood there and had to stop myself from butting in and saying, ''excuse me, but what is so exciting about getting drunk out your head, then coming home and spewing it all up over the toilet all night, with a severe miagrane?''

When I passed my driving test, I didn't get half the congratulating attention what they gave to my cousin for getting drunk. Why didn't they just get him a big box of chocolates and a big celebration card while they were at it?! ! (Sarcasm!)
Maybe I should go out and get drunk, just to see what all the fuss is about, and maybe one day I will get congratulated.

What joy do bullies get out of when they make fun of a person to their face and where they can see it and they full well know that person doesn't even respond to their insults and mean comments because they don't even know they are being made fun of?

This has happened to me many times and then I get told I get made fun of. I just see them as idiots because what's the fun of bullying someone if they don't even know they are being picked on? As a kid they would get pissed off when it happen and leave me alone but not all bullies do this. They just keep doing it.

But the biggest thing in this whole world what I don't get about humans is:-

How come the more selfish, ignorant, careless, immature, and stupid somebody is, the more friends they get, when everywhere I have read about ''How To Keep Friends'' is to be thoughtful, positive, caring and nice, when that never works? I've been a perfect example for a friend to people, and each one of them has ended up either bullying me or holding a grudge against me for some stupid immature reason. And my NT cousin is the most selfish, ignorant, miserable person I know - yet she is so popular and has so many friends it's unbelievable. However, if I suddenly turned out like that, people would run a mile.....more so.
Also - I've seen NTs who get the arseache with people over the most minor things, yet they manage to keep friends so easily, and I never get the arseache with people, but they still fall out with me. But if I did start being like most NTs and started getting the arseache with people, they'll still fall out with me, so I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. But getting the arseache with eachother is so normal with NTs, because I see it everywhere I go; at work, in the family, ect.

Is this just another one of life's mysteries? Or is there an answer to this?

I have an answer to that one.

The joy they get out of it is that they are playing to an audience....whoever happens to be watching. lThey get their kicks either from entertaining their audience, making themselves feel clever for making up a clever insult. It doesn't matter if the victim gets it. The importamnt thing to them is that the audience gets it and thinks, "that Fred sure is a funny guy..he really made an ass out of Shelley and she didn't even know it".

If there is no audience it's a very different thing. You, the victim, are the audience and they will try to get a rise out of you and keep escalating till you respond.


The former sort of bullying- where somebody is made fun of and its for the audience and not to get them angry- happened on American Idol several years ago and I think it's one of that shows' most shameful moments. There was a contestant named William Hung who was a truly terrible singer and very awkward too. Usually the terrible singers get axed at the very beginning of the show but the judges and the audience kept him on and mocked him mercilessly but subtly. He apparently believed that he was being kept on because he was a good singer. But he wasn't. He was being kept on so that everybody could laugh at what an awful singer he was and how he thought he was good. It was an ugly moment in that show.

Here's an NT thing I don't understand-- why do people watch that show? Seriously, if you want to hear good music, I can link you to the best songs ever! Jpop! Classical Scottish songs played on the lute! Hymns! Armenian prayers! Love songs! Japanese rap! Why do you want to watch American Idol?

Oh, and why is it heresy, why is it cause for horror if I don't care about the superbowl? Why do people who don't even care about football watch it? Why do people who don't really watch movies or like celebrities watch those fancy awards I can't remember the name of where evil-looking twigs wear ugly outfits and get oohed and aahed over and give LOOOOOOOOOONG speeches?

I'm not a routine watcher but I have watched it sometimes for the interesting surprises. I realize that high quality singing is far more likely to be found among professionals than amateurs. Pretty much every singer whose CD I own is better than an American Idol singer. So why watch it when professionals really are better? It's the surprises. Most of the singers are bland. They are adequate but stay safely boring so they won't seem too "out there" and alienate the audience. But now and then somebody comes along who steps outside of that boring routine. When it first started there was Ruben Stoddard who sounded like Barry White to me with a gorgeous and rich voice. More recently there wa Adam Lambert who spent the entirety of the show struggling to keep his flamboyant gay showman self from being too obvious. He was like a young Freddie Mercury and wanted to let the world know his true self but he couldn't during the show. That internal struggle gave his performances a special intensity.

Do you ever check the change return of vending machines? I do. Sometimes, perhaps twice a year, there is a dime or a quarter in that little vending machine well that somebody forgot to retrieve. I always check that well every time I go past a vending machine even though my rate of finding something is probably 1 out of every 500 times I check. There have been studies on this concept of Infrequent Rewards that show that many people are most likely to repeat an action if they get rewarded for it inconsistently. If they never get rewarded, they give up. If they always get rewarded, they get jaded and bored. It's that infrequent and inconsistent reward that keeps people coming back for more.

And that is why I sometimes watch American Idol. The capricious but rewarding Infrequent Rewards.