Board index › General Discussion › General Autism Discussion

The autism social rule book.

Page 49 of 55 [ 875 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52 ... 55  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

Did you find the advice helpful?
yes 89%  89%  [ 545 ]
no 11%  11%  [ 66 ]
Total votes : 611

mrspotatohead
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 307

15 Apr 2012, 10:05 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Don't tell people you hate toddlers, unless you know they share the same hatred as you do. Otherwise, people take it personally and think just because you are not one for toddlers, you hate their toddler, which isn't the case.

Don't laugh at something on your own. It's sometimes impossible to keep laughter back when you've found something really funny out in public, but somehow people seem to manage not to laugh, unless they are with someone.

When you're on your own, don't show any emotion, just act predictable, ordinary, and almost robot-like. If you break this rule, you will get stared at like you're mad.

Although no-one is perfect, you are expected to be perfect when you're out in public, so be perfect. ( :roll: )

Remember that Autistics are not the only ones who can't put themselves in other people's shoes. NTs are actually just as bad, so perhaps one day take a note of all the selfish things NTs do or how self-centered they act towards you or eachother. You will soon get my point.

Thanks for reading. Have a good day.


I disagree. Be your unpredictable self because it makes me smile, at least on the inside, when I see someone acting out of the ordinary, and I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I talk to myself and laugh to myself when I am alone, and those people who are offended by me doing so are usually just jealous that they can't entertain themselves like I can.



evil_expresso
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 12 Apr 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 65
Location: Canada

16 Apr 2012, 1:11 am

Chickenbird wrote:
evil_expresso wrote:
Hi, I'm new.

Perhaps I will use an example from an experience I had at college last week.

My professor was showing the class how to colour correct film and so he was sitting in front of a computer with three monitors.

He was struggling to turn on the third monitor, so I decided to sit next to him and trouble shoot.

I pressed a button and the monitor turned on; he replied, "Christopher, that's bad form".

Even though I was confused at his response, in an NT setting, what I did was socially inappropriate. A friend later told me I probably "embarrassed" him in front of the class room.

So next time you get into trouble shooting mode - remember where you are and who you're doing it for.

Maybe ask if you could trouble shoot?

Not sure if this is helpful.


True, but then you'll see an NT do it and just laugh. I see charming people break rules constantly and they are loved for it. It's not what you do, it's the way that you do it. Or to put it another way, you get picked on for the same thing because your body language is just "off" . IMO, the person is looking for someone safe to vent their frustration on, and I have been guilty of this many time in hindsight :(


Thank you for your feedback and honesty. I am fairly charming and I am well liked by my peers, despite being not so NT :o

Anyway, my point being - you can be charming and Aspie! What probably most annoyed my professor was the way I just "took over" his territory - another thing I was informed about by a friend. It's a crazzzzy world out there; so many rules to abide by.



Terlingua
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 17 Apr 2012
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 71

18 Apr 2012, 12:30 pm

jmnixon95 wrote:
21. If you're happy, try to smile, even if it doesn't feel natural. Otherwise, everyone else will just think you're constantly pissed off.


I have to make a conscious effort to do this, and most of the time don't think of it until the conversation is over. The whole baring of the teeth thing seems like a ridiculous threat, and it took me forever to figure out that people were not trying to threaten me with ineffective canines whenever they smiled broadly. I eventually related it to dog behavior which I find immeasurably more understandable. A dog will often bare their teeth and gently place them on you. They are saying "Look, I could hurt you if I wanted to, but I'm a nice dog and want to be your friend."

It would be a lot easier to read human teeth baring if the person would lean over and gently nip a finger to indicate their intent.



Terlingua
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 17 Apr 2012
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 71

18 Apr 2012, 12:39 pm

Hermier wrote:
35. Never ever ask someone if she is pregnant.


I learned this one the hard way. Though painful repetition.



GumbyLives
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 May 2010
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 768
Location: LV-426

18 Apr 2012, 2:04 pm

Terlingua wrote:
Hermier wrote:
35. Never ever ask someone if she is pregnant.


I learned this one the hard way. Though painful repetition.


Me too - I screwed this one up for years. But a few weeks ago I ALMOST did it again (like it was almost out of my mouth, so that it almost hurt to reel it back in) but last second I stopped and didnt say it. SCORE! :D


_________________
I would rather have my liver pecked out by a giant crow than spend a day at the mall. But I'd pay money to see a giant crow eat a mall.

Your Aspie score: 155 of 200 * Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 49 of 200 * You are very likely an Aspie


hanyo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2011
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,302

18 Apr 2012, 2:06 pm

Hermier wrote:
35. Never ever ask someone if she is pregnant.


Last year I thought someone looked like they were pregnant and wondered if they were but I didn't say anything because if they weren't they might think I thought that they were getting fat.



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

19 Apr 2012, 1:00 pm

Giving people birthday cards goes a long way, so if you know someone's birthday is coming up who you don't know too well but know enough to speak to, just send them a card. They'll be very happy for it, and will consider you as a nice person who cares about them. The more people you do this to, the more cards you should get in return when it's your birthday. By ''should'', I mean this is how it normally is, but you will come across some people who either forget birthdays or aren't the sort to buy people birthday cards, but if you know they are just that sort then don't take it personally.

Yes, forgetting birthdays is not just a trait in Aspies, I know loads of people who forget birthdays.


_________________
Female


qwan
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jan 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 231
Location: Great(!) Britain

20 Apr 2012, 7:37 pm

Terlingua wrote:
jmnixon95 wrote:
21. If you're happy, try to smile, even if it doesn't feel natural. Otherwise, everyone else will just think you're constantly pissed off.


I have to make a conscious effort to do this, and most of the time don't think of it until the conversation is over. The whole baring of the teeth thing seems like a ridiculous threat, and it took me forever to figure out that people were not trying to threaten me with ineffective canines whenever they smiled broadly. I eventually related it to dog behavior which I find immeasurably more understandable. A dog will often bare their teeth and gently place them on you. They are saying "Look, I could hurt you if I wanted to, but I'm a nice dog and want to be your friend."

It would be a lot easier to read human teeth baring if the person would lean over and gently nip a finger to indicate their intent.


Ew, but then we'd get more slobber on us, just like you do if you're a girl in a night club.
I think I'd die in a world with any more sharing of spit and invasions of personal space DX



MrPickles
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 15 Apr 2012
Age: 74
Gender: Male
Posts: 105
Location: The Frozen North

20 Apr 2012, 8:24 pm

In many ways I found this both enlightening and depressing.

I have one more rule that I follow to keep my sanity.

rule n+1
Spend as much time as I am able around others like myself - and avoid NTs as much as possible.

In a few minutes I am leaving to go to what my NT wife call "Your Geek Meeting" -- all members are at least quite geeky many are full on Asperger's. There I have no problems talking about all sorts of things (well beyond the computers the meeting is obsessively about) at other times we will sit around and dink with our computers and say not a word. It is a place that I can relax and just be myself.

I have come to suspect that the high level of depression among Aspergers has nothing to do with our Aspergers Personality but rather the hideous treatment we receive from those around us and the often painful and confusing efforts we must undergo to sort of fit in to the NT world some what. So many of these rule bring home just how anti-Asper we must act to by some acceptance among the Great unwashed masses of the world.



qwan
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jan 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 231
Location: Great(!) Britain

21 Apr 2012, 6:18 pm

MrPickles wrote:
I have come to suspect that the high level of depression among Aspergers has nothing to do with our Aspergers Personality but rather the hideous treatment we receive from those around us and the often painful and confusing efforts we must undergo to sort of fit in to the NT world some what. So many of these rule bring home just how anti-Asper we must act to by some acceptance among the Great unwashed masses of the world.


It most definitely is.
What ideally would happen, is others accommodate for autistics', and you make some changes for others, so everyone can sort of meet half way. It's not fair to just force you to change your entire way of being just so others won't point at you or raise an eye brow. Like there's not much that offensive or worth changing as much as is insisted.
more problems are indirectly from autism and how ppl respond to it, rather than directly from it. I'd be willing to bet the majority of related depression is in the former.



OdaiAbod
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 21 Apr 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 1

22 Apr 2012, 3:21 am

Behavioral difficulties of people Autism are caused by their incapacity to communicate and interact socially. Following these rules is one way to handle them. Parents must guide their children to situations that they find hard to communicate, especially in school. You can record or make a diary with the positive changes of your child's attitude to keep track of their improvement. Another is you have to be consistent in everything you do because inconsistency would mean confusion to them.



StarTrekker
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,088
Location: Starship Voyager, somewhere in the Delta quadrant

24 Apr 2012, 12:06 am

jmnixon95 wrote:

Quote:
21. If you're happy, try to smile, even if it doesn't feel natural. Otherwise, everyone else will just think you're constantly pissed off.


This one is even harder when you don't feel happy but are in a profession where looking happy is expected. I have a habit of randomly staring at people, and feel like I have to smile at them every time they look up and see me staring so as not to creep them out. I think the grimacing fake smile is probably even creepier though. Gotta work on not staring...

I also have a couple rules to add:

No matter how stressed you are, don't stim in public, especially at work, nobody likes a waiter who flaps. (still working on this one... I stress easily)

When somebody tells a joke that everybody except you understands, don't tell them you don't get it; it kills the mood. Just smile and nod and look up why it's funny later. (still working on this one too!)


_________________
"Survival is insufficient" - Seven of Nine
Diagnosed with ASD level 1 on the 10th of April, 2014
Rediagnosed with ASD level 2 on the 4th of May, 2019
Thanks to Olympiadis for my fantastic avatar!


minotaurheadcheese
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 20 Apr 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 412
Location: the lone lands

29 Apr 2012, 7:17 am

If someone asks you whether you found something difficult, e.g., a task at work or an exam, do not say "No, it was easy, I did great," even if it's true. Just say something noncommittal like "I'm not sure" or "I think it went all right" until you find out whether they did really badly.



RR
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 26 Feb 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 18
Location: UT

01 May 2012, 12:15 am

never send a text after 8pm to a coworker or someone you don't know super well, unless you have a good reason for doing so. Don't wake up the restful in a pushing manner, get plenty of sleep, and exercise. Be respectful but not afraid. I feel like I am writing proverbs here. Just listen to spike lee, do the right thing for you! easier said than achieved.



ciano
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 30 Apr 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 12

02 May 2012, 3:56 pm

Always talk about topics you like, NEVER about topics you dislike! NTs are positivity-biased in their communication; they will try to discreetly and deceptively END any conversation about topics of negative feelings, while CONTINUING conversations about topics of positive feelings.



qwan
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jan 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 231
Location: Great(!) Britain

03 May 2012, 6:11 am

ciano wrote:
Always talk about topics you like, NEVER about topics you dislike! NTs are positivity-biased in their communication; they will try to discreetly and deceptively END any conversation about topics of negative feelings, while CONTINUING conversations about topics of positive feelings.


If you discuss something you both don't like it can be a way to bond. But to keep it light hearted, throwing in a joke about said negative thing can help things, as long as it isn't insulting a person or group in particular (like if you're moaning about the weather I guess) it can be a good way to turn it into something positive and end it.