What does eye contact actually do to you?

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I feel people with my eyes. When I look at a person's face I usually feel their being behind it. Actually I have discovered that looking at a person's chest will give me the same feeling from them as their eyes, but I miss the facial expressing doing that. Actually when I look at a person's eyes, I also see the eye brows and mouth peripherally, and translate the expression better than when I look only at the brows or mouth. When I look at a photograph of a person's face, if the person is still living I usually will feel that person's intity when I view their photograph. I haven't any clue how I accomplish this. But with some people, looking at their eyes is like looking at a closed gate. I see just eyes, with no way to look, or feel beyond them. Just static eyes. When I encounter that, it feels really weird and really bothers me. Maybe that is how you feel when you make eye contact.

Somewhat unrelated detail. I have a learning disability called Auditory Processing Disorder, that among other things effects my ability to understand people's spoken words when there is more than three or four conversations happening together, or in the presence of other ambient noise in the room. In restaurants, and similar situations, the person that is right across the table from me becomes impossible to understand, except if I watch his lips. If I watch his mouth, often I am able to "hear" his speech distinctly. My brain is really weird sometimes.

Last edited by willmark on 17 Jun 2009, 7:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

I always used to look at the mouth, I still can't tell what they are thinking though.

Some peoples smiles are lies.

I seldom can tell what people are thinking, though I sometimes guess well when I recognize a familiar pattern, but even then I don't assume I'm right because people have been very wrong about my motives in the past guessing them that way, and the consequences of their assumptions were not pleasant.

However I can often perceive what they are feeling. There was a woman this morning; I saw her in her car, and she seemed hesitant to get out and go into the building, but she did, and she got on the elevator at the same time I did. The look in her eyes, and the way she was holding her arms and shoulders, made her look like she was dreading something. I wanted to hug her and tell her I hope what she was afraid of would come to not, but I ended up just standing there not saying a word to her.

Depends totally on WHO I'm making eye contact with.

First off, I avoided it for years. First time I ever FORCED it was at the age of 13, and it was because I was being bullied, and decided that if I could stare the other person down, it would scare him. And lo and behold, it did. So my first experience with eye contact was a high the likes of which I imagine would come from having cocaine shot straight into your veins....scary as hell, thought my heart would explode from the stress of it all, but DAMN did it feel GOOD!

These days, in work and social situations, when I have to force eye contact, I find it somewhat stressful, so I was torn between answering 'it makes me cringe' and 'nothing...I just don't like it'. I chose the latter, because I've gotten a LITTLE bit more used to it, but I'd rather not do it if I don't have to. If I'm terribly stressed out, I find I CAN'T....as in physically CAN'T, the way I was as a child....so I fake it, which I've become pretty good at, and hope no one notices.

However, confrontational eye contact, like that which I mentioned in my first story, still has the same effect on me. I actually quite like it, but it stresses me out physically and emotionally to the point where once the confrontation's over, I sometimes feel like I need a nap.

One last point of note....which I've pointed out, and find both odd and amusing....is that with all my trouble with eye contact, I seem to have become fixated on my boyfriend's eyes. He, too, has trouble with eye contact, but the fixation seems to be mutual. We will literally stare each other down for long periods, and it calms us both something tremendous....like stimming, or meditation. So strange....

I've learned that people hate being stared at, whether you make eye contact or not. I think they assume that I'm staring them in the eyes. I've had about a 90% success rate with preventing future bullying. Especially physical contact. After about a half hour of staring, I've often had people come up and apologize to me. The 90% rate exists because of the people who got to know me before starting to bully me.

I just don't like it and I find it intensely uncomfortable. I also don't see why it's so damned important. People can tell I'm listening to them even if I'm NOT looking at them. Are they really so self-centered and insecure? Maybe they're the ones with issues.

If I'm, say, sorting through papers while talking to someone (and I usually find something to do so it's not obvious that I'm not looking at the person and am instead looking at what I'm doing), then why do I have to look at them? Do they think they're THAT good looking?

I have sometimes thought it is a control thing.

That's interesting, how do you know that they know that you're listening without eye contact?




I think it's more of a reassurance thing really.

Maybe that too, a girl I know kept insisting that I look at her but I felt unable to. She seemed to think I didn't like her because I couldn't do the eye contact thing. What I didn't understand was that she was supposed to be an aspie, so why didn't she get that I couldn't do it. If she had gotten my attention with my full eye contact, there would have been a likelihood that I was feeling aggressive or fascinated by here eyes, I think she would have found both to be very uncomfortable and would have regretted her insistence.

I can't vote since I don't react to eye contact yet I rarely give it cause 1. I find it too hard to do due to the autism and 2. my eye muscles are messed due to the cerebral palsy and my neuromuscular disease.

Bam! Triple whack!

I hate having eye contact with teachers for example.

When i look at a teacher directly in the eyes it is like a burning sensation in my eyes.

It is so weird. It hurts to keeps looking into their eyes but i am getting used to it.

I usually look away and then look at them again.

I feel more comfortable if I can make fixed eye contact and focus on the conversation. Otherwise conversation is uncomfortable, not sure where to look and get stressed.

We can't win either way, if you avoid eye contact people think you are hiding something or guilty, if you stare through their eyes they think you are trying to intimidate them or steal their souls.

I can completely relate to this. It's not a problem for me at all around friends, co-workers, people I know... though I have noticed that I have a tendency to not make eye contact when I talk, or just fleeting eye contact. Whatever it is I do, it works out okay as it doesn't seem to bother other people.

The big issue for me is people on the train in my line of vision. Just yesterday I was sitting across from a very affectionate teenage couple. I was mostly just "zoning out" and staring off into space, but they were in my line of sight. The girl would occasionally make eye contact with me, almost in a, "what are you staring at?" look. As soon as her eyes would meet mine, I'd get an injection of fear and immediately look away.

Sometimes for me, when I am in a public place, if I want to be left alone with my thoughts, I will avoid eye contact hoping people get the hint. Of course being male makes that easier to accomplish. It is easier for me to pull off if I have a book, or my cell phone, or something to read with me. If I am in the mood to interface with others, I give eye contact, but if I need "me time", I avoid it. People giving me a "What are you staring at" look used to strike fear into me too. I am not sure how I moved past that, other than it changed when someone helped me overcome my poor self esteem issues. Now when someone gives me that look, I nod and say "hi" to acknowledge them, and then look away.

I had to learn things like this. I used to have a tendency to look at people and they thought I wanted something and I was always surprised by their attentions, it was only on reading a book or article about it that I understood you could attract the wrong kind of attention by staring.

Hm. I'm actually not sure whether or not I actually care.

Usually if people think I'm not listening, they'll say "Are you even listening to me?!" (women do this, especially younger women, more than men)