"The Asperger's Stare"

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I don't beleive I have the stare most of the time (I think?) but I know that I definately do it when I am sitting somewhere lost in my thoughts or otherwise not interacting with people. I stare straight ahead with slightly wide/blank eyes. Not slack-jawed, though, my mouth is generally closed tight. Plus I am usually stimming by rubbing my thumb and index fingertips together in a circle.

I really only become aware that I am doing this if someone else enters the room. Then I start to think about how strange I must look to them...

I had some childhood videos of myself where, if the camera was focused on someone else, I would be in the background staring unblinkingly in a random, slightly downward, direction. I'd guess that would be the AS stare? It's like I only act animated for the sake of others. If left to my own devices, I won't make much facial expressions or movement.

-is reminded of Frea's "The Stare" (technique which would cause random stauts abnormalities!) from Chrono Trigger and Chrono Cross-

Hmmm,. oh sorry, random comment.

Today I found out I have AS, mainly because I have 90%+ of the symptoms. Anywayz, interesting fact is that since I was born I`m not able to move my eyes. Meaning that when I look at somebody I have to look them straight in the face which most people don`t like, but they also don`t like it when I look away. This is very rare, so a lot of doctors from all over the world experimented with me, but none of them seem to have a clue...

There's a condition called strabismus that means the eyes are out of sync.

Some even think this is hardwired.

I don't know if it would apply to anyone here though.

After reading this thread I went and looked back at some pictures of myself. My smile always feels forced for camera's and compared to other smiles in the picture definitely looks unusual. If I get caught and don't have time to prepare my camera face I have this angry staring look about me, even though I know I was in a good mood when the picture was taken.

nooooooooooooo

I have one of the hardest stares I've ever seen. In the mirror, I look a little cold, but not too scary. But in pictures all I can say is...jesus! I am scary! I'm looking at a picture of my dad, and you can see a cheerful "light" in his eyes.

Now I'm looking at a picture of me. I have permi-Mydriasis eyes (which I like), and a really piercing, sharp look in my eyes. I cant really tell if it's a dead look, or the exact opposite, but either way it's definitely not a superficial look, the one so many people have. It's an "Honest" look

I would post pics, but I don't want to be responsible for ker-cracking your fancy 30-inch moniters

And wow, Hitler has weird eyes

@ Hashberry: you look more friendly than shellshocked...the knife doesn't help though

No one has directly pointed it out a me, but I have been told I look "angry" a lot even when I'm feeling happy. One girl in my Art Class even said I looked like I wanted to kill somebody every day. Maybe because I have a weird stare too?

I have it. I always get asked 'what are you staring at?' Is it so wrong to stare at the top of trees or at the clouds while you are walking down the street? I also intensely stare at crossing signs.

Yeah, maybe. It sounds an awful lot like me.

I usually get:
"what's wrong?"
"what are you angry about?"
"where are you right now?"
"what happened?"

...and so forth. All while I am feeling perfectly fine.

People gather a heck of a lot of misinformation from my eyes.
That's what led me to start this thread in the first place.
My eyes do not seem to communicate my inner feelings in the way that other peoples' do.
That's a complication I could do without.

Why does it happen?
Does anyone know?

I like this picture you have here. It reminds me of this character, Harris, on "Freaks and Geeks", who used to give wise, Zen-like advice to Sam and his friends. (Does anyone remember that show? It was only on for one season, but was quite good.)

I loved that show.

I am not sure if I have the "stare" since I do have a tendency to look away from people when speaking, but when I listen I look at people and apparently have a very intense gaze. I also tend to get told that I look angry or sad (almost never the case) when I'm just sitting and thinking, but perhaps it's because I don't smile often.

It’s very frustrating to be told “that’s the wrong way” without anyone pointing out the right way. They are not being hypocrites though, they actually do not have the information you want in useful form.

Eye contact is body language and communicative. Just like most people take for granted that it is reasonable to expect each other to have control over the communication issuing from their mouth, most have no notion that there can be a lack of this same fluent communication in the realm of non verbal language.

To effectively use eye contact you need to look without staring. This means that your eyes should “touch” theirs without fixing your gaze_too long.


When people are talking to you, without realizing it they are “monitoring” for non verbal language cues which are usually effective in indicating whether they are being understood and how they are being received.

To emulate these things, it is helpful to observe others at it. Note the range of hand movements. Good hand movement in many Anglo cultures requires that your hands and arms remain within the scope of your body, more is perceived as aggressive or domineering. Not enough may not give the person you are talking to scope to “look away” from your eye region.

For eye contact, you need to look at their eyes when they talk at least some of the time. If they use hand movements, use this as an opportunity or cue to glance away at their hands, nodding helps to communicate you are getting the point. Try to arch your eyebrows sometimes with a nod to indicate on going interest. Leaning forward just a little can also indicate interest.

One helpful thing is that people are often most comfortable with body language that mirrors their own in some respects. So monitor how often the person you are communicating with is looking at your eye region and away and try to mimic so that you look at and away about the same amount of time as they do. Hopefully this is timed so that sometimes when they are looking at you, you are looking away, and sometimes when they are looking away you are looking at them, and sometimes your eyes “meet up”.

If you have aversion to eye contact, this can effect your facial expression causing a “hardness” around the eye region that will be perceived as “negative feedback”, so try to look at the bridge of their nose or the space between their eyebrows instead if this is an issue for you, (they probably will not notice).

All this is exhausting and takes practice, so you may wish to only use these techniques when it suits you. Do not feel obliged and only do what is for your benefit, as trying to please everyone with correct non verbal communication is a good way to achieve total burnout.

Good practice opportunities are usually ones where nothing is at stake, so try out your techniques on passing service people you may not meet often (such as someone in a shop or serving you at a counter). A text on non verbal (also known as “body language”) communication can be quite helpful, certainly more so than the average person who knows they are uncomfortable and perhaps perceives you are not interested, do not understand, are bored with them or aggressive, but cannot really explain why in any form that is likely to be useful for you. You are better off with technical analysis than with the very vague comments of people who are so fluent in this communication, they do not realize they are doing it and cannot explain it easily or at all.


Yes and no. Ambereyes circles around the reason for the reaction of others in her post, and pretty much has it correct (although does not connect this information and its implications to why it is disordered to not produce these behaviours fluently and without training or conscious effort).

So we know why others respond they way they do. The same reason they would respond oddly if your verbal communication seemed aggressive, hostile or just plain scarily odd to them. They do not know what is going on and do not like the discomfort of their confusion and uncertainty (this can be compared to the anxiety many of us feel when we do not understand what is going on socially), or they think they know what is going on, and that is that you are responding in a negative manner to them, for no just reason that they can perceive.

We do not know why those of us on the spectrum do not develop these communication skills or any degree of fluency with them, without effort and training. Hopefully one day we will.

It is extremely frustrating, but I’ve found that if you walk about grinning inanely from ear to ear, or you walk around with your eyebrows slightly arched, this question “what’s wrong?” and its variants occurs much less, and that’s a relief since even complete strangers passing on the street are not necessarily shy about asking it.

The draw back is that it is rather exhausting and likely to leave you face muscles sore and tired. Headaches are also common, even NTs can get headaches from smiling.

I don't want to get on the wrong side of you