Context is always important. We all know how quoting a statement out of context can result in misunderstanding, intentional or not. In addition to context, obviously it is sensible and wise to consider both sides of the story. Without proper knowledge of 1)context and 2)hearing both sides, any advice proffered will be useless, and potentially harmful as well. We all know this, so why do we err? I don't think we can claim ignorance. It's also implausible that we forget the laws of common sense. Is it because we sincerely want to help, but aren't too wise in our endeavors? I'd like to think so....There are other dynamics at play here, and perhaps now is the appropriate time to discuss them: socialization and our justice system.
Socialization may always have consisted of training people to be narcissistic, irresponsible and infantile, to create scapegoats, and to feel justified in squashing and defaming the weak. However, just because everyone does it, doesn't make it right. There are some among us who believe in doing what is difficult: Determining for oneself what is right, and following that course-----even if no one else is doing it.
On the one hand, we are encouraged to be law abiding citizens, compassionate and fair. On the other hand, our esteemed leaders are more often than not the opposite: Narcissistic liars, neither fair, nor compassionate, nor law abiding. They are frequently held up as role models, until caught in some nefarious deed or deeds. So we learn it is okay to refuse to be accountable and responsible, and it is alright to blame others for our own misdeeds, because our leaders do it. Those who are setting an example for the rest of us often get away with it, so why shouldn't we?
We are sending mixed messages to our people, and it is no wonder our children are confused and frustrated. Even the so-called normal ones. The super sensitive ones, like autistic children, are much more at risk for being frustrated, and also for being the targets of sadistic bullies---due to communication deficits and lack of social skills. On the one hand, it is virtuous to be law abiding. On the other hand, cheating is okay, as long as you don't get caught. Our society is not only creating bullies, but it also condones their actions both explicitly and implicitly. When we do something wrong or illegal, best to have someone else take the fall. That's what the strong do, and the strong always survive. Let the weak be blamed for everything that goes wrong. Bullying the weak is frequently considered socially acceptable, and it continues to escalate when it is ignored, as it so often is. Unless and until we tackle the really corrosive elements of the society we force on our innocent children, we have no right blaming them for its inherent flaws...
So how does our justice system usually work? Well, the rich and greedy can buy their way off the hook. And the poor can't afford a proper defense, so even if they are innocent, their attorneys aren't skilled enough to obtain a just verdict for them. Sometimes I ask myself---Is this for real? Or am I stuck in a recurring nightmare? It's all too real. Greed rules. And it rules because it buys superficial happiness and sham justice. It also rules, because it has yet to be effectively challenged. The mistakes that several contributors to this thread have made, are flashing red lights that it's high time we examine core issues that cause our distress....and stop blaming each other. We need NO FAULT solutions, wherein no one is blamed, and everyone wins. The first step is to disallow scapegoating and bullying. Until then, we are just kidding ourselves that there will be effective solutions to anything.
In so many ways, we are insuring that scoundrels, crooks, and immoral people rise to the top. We make them strong because we don't effectively challenge an unfair system of justice and a rather inept system of socialization. To put it bluntly---the rules suck!
Without considering context, without considering the adolescent's point of view, without really knowing much at all about what is going on here.......without taking into consideration our intrinsically, deeply flawed system of socialization and justice, where the strong consistently oppress the weak, and such oppression is generally held up to us as examplary, how can we feel justified in offering advice?
Sorry for the rant/editorial
11 Sep 2009, 8:28 am
