Callista wrote:
Quote:
I agree, I think AS is a form of autism too, but there's so many people who want to change things around because so many are so mild. They are accommodating all these border line AS cases that can almost pass for NT. I don't understand why they don't go ahead and classify themselves as NT if it's so easy for them to blend in and act like one? They don't have any problems so why single themselves out from the rest? Some NTs are intellectual, too.
Well, because those people have to spend more effort than most to "pass", and they're sick of having to do it when they could just be themselves if only people accepted them that way. Even on the borderline of autism, being different can be difficult. It would feel very invalidating to them, I think, if they were basically told, "You're neurotypical; stop whining about being different; you've got no right to be weird; but these poor disabled autistics over here, they have the REAL problems..." which of course invalidates both their own difficulties and their ability to speak up for the rights of autistic people in general.
"Passing for 'normal'" was my most recent special interest up until a few weeks ago. I played the NT really well, or so I thought. Now I know why I was DXed with moderate AS instead of mild (as I had deluded myself into thinking I was).
People who may have thought I was NT as recently as the first part of 2009 would certainly not think so now. Starting in June, one catastrophe after another happened, and I had no chance to even begin to recover from one before the next one came. I am now all out of energy to even attmept to be able to "pass." I have been home on winter break for six days and have barely gotten out of bed. That whole thing about the invalidation, the lower functioning autistics having the REAL problems, is very scary to me. When I was a kid, and nobody knew about AS, I would get very easily upset, and my dad would always say, "What would you do if you had a REAL problem?" This sent me promptly into the basement alone with a knife for the next half hour or so. I don't want to go back to that. I CAN'T go back to that.
Getting my DX in 2007 has opened a lot of doors for me, gotten me a ton of long-overdue help (although I am still not entirely sure that the help hasn't arrived too late), and helped to repair some damaged family relationships. It would be devastating for me to lose this assistance, along with any chance of achieving my potential in life.
Of course, the anxiety, depression, and other conditions that have developed as a result of my overdoing my NT charade for too long are probably enough at this point to keep me eligible for assistance, as it is now becoming increasingly clear that I am having some pretty serious problems right now.