Your funniest Asperger's moment

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Someone in my class one year had hairy legs. One day, I drew a pretty detailed portrait of his leg. Then he saw it and put his leg on a desk.

"Hey ladies!" He said, rubbing his leg. "That's my leg right there."

Someone also wrote on the board "10/10 best leg".

A few weeks ago, we all went to church, like we do every Sunday. (I should mention here that Dad's the aspie, I'm probably BAP, and everyone else is probably NT).

So at church we all sit in a double-rowed square. Mum often sits directly behind Dad, but that time she sat opposite him. She must have worn something nice that day, too, but I don't remember what.

So after the meeting we all start on our way home.

"Mark," says Mum, "I liked seeing your face today. Usually I just see the back of your head."
"Oh," said Dad, "Well, it was nice seeing you [i]today. You look very nice in that."
(My younger brother gags). So my parents keep on flirting full force, until Mr. Precious (that's my brother) says "You do know it's really cringey?"
"What?" says Dad, looking bemused. "Talking about each other's appearances?" His face is completely straight, and he evidently hasn't picked up on the subtext of Mr. Precious's question.
"No," groans Mum, used to dealing with a guy oblivious to what everyone else is thinking. "He means flirting."
"Oh," said Dad. "OH."

[/i]

I was the biggest tomboy growing up (still probably am, but having "masculine" hobbies/interests isn't considered a bad thing for women in most places anymore thank god). In grade school, a bunch of girls came up to me giggling, asking if I peed standing up. I said I didn't know if I could yet, went home, and tried it out. I could manage it, but I was disappointed they never followed up with me to re-confirm. Didn't realise what was actually going on until years later.

I heard someone being described as "anal-retentive" and asked why he holds in his poo

I didn't know that it just meant the person is "excessively orderly and fussy"

I wasn't diagnosed with Asperger's until I was nearly 30, but my mom said that once as a child and I had finished my dinner, and the "clean plate club" was mentioned, I asked if we paid any dues. Apparently, I thought there was a real Clean Plate Club.

Also, as a child, we drove across country for the summer to visit an aunt in the Midwest, and when I saw bugs hit the windshield in one of the plains states, I said, "Why don't they just get out of the way?"

Actually, your description of anal retentive is somewhat accurate. It could be described as being "mentally constipated."

One time at a restaurant the waitress said I really cleaned off my plate. And I asked "What, was I supposed to leave food on my plate?"

I don't think it was so much of a aspie thing as it was my making a snarky little joke, though.

I wouldn't quit teasing my mother on the way home one time and we had a 9 hour drive to do. I kept on doing another tease every time she told me to stop that teasing. Then she all of a sudden said she would kick me out of the car next time I do that teasing again. So while stopped at a gas station I do another tease but it's a different one again and this time I open her vent on her driver's side.

Mom is driving again and I snicker when she finally notices the vent was open and she got mad about it and didn't like the joke. So she pulled over and kicked me out of the car and I figured I will just hitchhike home so I wouldn't have to do all that walking and have it take a few days and that got her angry too so she ordered me back in the car after she had driven off a few feet. I couldn't understand why she was so angry when I did what she wanted me to do.

Then she was yelling at me about teasing her and how she kept telling me to quit teasing so I corrected her telling her "No you said stop that teasing" and she goes "Yes that is what I said, stop teasing" and I say again "No you said stop that teasing" and she said again screaming "Yes that is what i said stop that teasing, quit teasing me" and I said "You said stop that teasing so I kept doing a different tease to make you laugh" and my mom's reaction was in her mind "Oh my god, are you serious?" Then she realized she did tell me to stop that teasing.


I just thought my mom was crazy for those couple of years and she deliberately misspoke and blamed it on me for misunderstanding her. She sure had a weird way to tell people to quit teasing her because that is like asking for a Pepsi when in fact you wanted a 7 Up and then you get upset at the person for handing you a Pepsi because that was your way of asking for a 7 Up and you expected them to read your mind. Mom was very weird, that was my mindset for a couple of years after the incident until I learned that "stop that teasing" is a figure of speech. People don't mean for you to do another one after telling you to stop. I did that in everything about stop that like stop that noise, stop that crying, stop that, don't touch that, and so on and my parents never understood why I never listened. It turned out I had been listening all those years, I just did a different thing each time after being told to stop that. I was just being literal. Probably also explains why I always got in trouble or why I was labeled impulsive.

What that waitress said was rude, embarrassing and poor customer service. It must have made you feel incredibly self-conscious.

^It did kind of make me feel like she was talking to an 6-year-old and not an adult.

But people have said rude things to me so many times. For example one time someone at a party noticed I was putting a lot of cheese on my plate, and exclaimed "You're gonna be constipated for a month!" She thought this was a hilarious joke.

And they think *I* have social problems?

But, what was the mistake? Is it bad that I do not understand why some of these things are funny? Am I still so oblivious?

_________________
31st of July, 2013
Diagnosed: Autism Spectrum Disorder, Auditory-Verbal Processing Speed Disorder, and Visual-Motor Processing Speed Disorder.

Weak Emerging Social Communicator (The Social Thinking-­Social Communication Profile by Michelle Garcia Winner, Pamela Crooke and Stephanie Madrigal)

"I am silently correcting your grammar."

I went to the doctor once and, although she was friendly, she was extremely talkative. I was already agitated since my mom took me to a new location instead of our routine doctor's office. I wanted to leave badly. Our visit was over, but she kept going on and on. To cope, I let my eyes wander over the room for a while, until I found something that could hold my attention: the doctor's diamond necklace.
It kept me calm, and I was feeling pretty good about my ability to handle my anxiety in the situation, but after we left, my mom turned to me and said, "She kept tugging her neckline up. Why was she so uncomfortable?"
Then I realized. For the last ten minutes, I had been staring at that necklace dangling directly above her cleavage. I was just staring outright at her chest. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind. My mom thought it was hilarious, but I'm still mortified at the thought of returning to that office.

One time a woman from my circle of friends came to my desk from the side and asked if I'd like to go swimming with them. I just "went inside" for a few seconds to review my schedule, towel situation, etc. and decided against it. Later I realized that it had looked as if I'd been evaluating her chest.