Ways Girls May Mask ASD

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Weird, cause that sounds exactly like what I'm used to experiencing with most other people.

Big tip: don't try hiding who you are; embrace it, and be the best you that you can be.

The thing is, even if you're not fun and quirky, you've still got a lot going for you being Autistic: skills NTs only wish they had.

When the truth comes out regarding NTs--and who they are underneath it all--they usually just seem a thousand times less appealing.

I believe I have mild AS, but no one has ever suspected it in me. People just thought I was weird, quirky and funny. But looking back I can see so many signs that nowadays would probably be noticed.

In elementary school I was very very talkative- TOO talkative- basically cuz I wanted to talk about myself and my interests nonstop. I didn't have any real problem with eye contact so I appeared pretty "normal."

In JHS I started getting bullied for being "weird" and out of step with the social norms. I think, at this point, I realized something was different about me. I became a lot more withdrawn and sort of depressed.

In HS I had a chance to start anew so I thought "I'm gonna make them laugh WITH me before they can laugh AT me." So I made myself into the class clown. Of course, in a very weird way. The things I did were totally socially wrong, but at least my classmates thought I was entertaining.

By this point most of my struggling had been internalized. I made friends with the other weird kids in school- not Aspies- but weird in other ways. So I had my small group of good friends and was pretty happy. I still felt there was something off about me though, and my friends noticed and wondered. too.

In college I realized I was gay so I thought "Oh, so that's it. FINALLY!" But that wasn't it. I've come to terms with being gay and I have gay friends but I still feel completely different from them (and everyone else for that matter).

I'm 30 years old now. I think it would be hard to diagnose me.

I tried joking around too...but it didn't work too well; to top it off, doing so would often get me in trouble, and if the teacher disciplines you enough, you go back a grade; right, like I needed to deal with the same sh!t all over again. Plus, one time it wound up really upsetting one teacher I really liked.

I also came to the realization that in trying to be a "clown", I was just being used.

They don't like you any more for it...they just pretend they do; you're still the butt of the joke.

Y'can't avoid it....at least not until you know your situation and you're older and have "grown into your own skin".

Well, that's depressing to think of, isn't it? Especially since I've carried this trait on into adulthood. I do fine with people as long as I'm in the entertainer role. I use this with my friends and at work. I'm pretty sure it's amusing to my kid students, the adults probably think I'm nuts but I can write it off as a "cultural difference."

I also got in trouble with teachers back in the day! They told me I needed to be quiet,

As long as you're using it with your superiors having no issue with it, you're fine.

I think, if I were teaching in the States, I'd be in serious trouble by now

I told my mom whenever my private 13 yr. old student asks me "What did you do last weekend?" I always tell the truth. Last week I told her "I drank some alcohol in my bedroom alone cuz my roommate was out." Hahaha. My mom said I shouldn't tell her that. But what am I supposed to do? Lie?

Yah, me thinks you would be

Just tell anything that's generally considered appropriate for 13-year-olds. As long as your story doesn't involve substances illegal at that age and it doesn't involve graphical descriptions of physical intimacy you should do fine.....

Great idea for a petition. Thank you. I am a highly social ASD woman who has ruined my own life by not staying quiet. It doesn't matter how attractive you are. Nobody likes the "village idiot" and if you're a girl you don't have the excuse of being a guy. It is much more acceptable for men to be socially awkward than women. Women are supposed to be "elegant" and have some sort of mystique.

I think women with ASD are targets for sexual abuse because we don't pick up on social cues. Anyone who thinks it's easy to be a woman with ASD is dreaming. It would be so much easier to be a guy because instead of "making a fool out of ourselves as we shake our asses" we'd just be "making a fool out of ourselves" and people would leave it at that. Not only are we scrutinized for our lack of social skills but for our bodies/physical appearances/motor coordination. Not to mention that people constantly ask us if we're men because we don't act like women are "supposed to act."

You can't find a girl that will date you? Cry me a river.

I'm spreading your blog post around to my friends; it's very good.

Some of your methods are different from mine (I had imaginary friends, but I never told anyone that they were real people. Then again, my imaginary friends were all animals...). I never had a little boyfriend, etc. Though I did definitely pick up on how to watch people listening and imitate. I'm very good at solemn nodding and "oh really?"-s. I also picked up on that "Oh, I like your [clothing item here]" thing that girls do, and I totally agree with the fact that beyond that line, I have no idea how to further converse with someone...

I also imitate the inflections, gesticulations and faces of whoever I'm talking to. For example, my boyfriend's father's girlfriend (long train of titles) probably thinks I'm very much like her, because she's very expressive and easy to imitate. When she's not around, I'm very bland and expressionless because I have no one to imitate.

I definitely think the DSM criteria make it very difficult for girls to get a diagnosis. It also prevents adults in general, as it's mainly geared towards children. I know a few adult aspies who have the same level of social talent as I do, and were they to seek diagnosis as an adult instead of a child, they would have a hard time convincing someone. Something definitely needs to be done about this.

That's just plain wrong. Many men (especially the more geeky ones) are already glad if they can meet a woman they simply get along with and they can share interests with. They don't really care so much about looks or elegance.

On the other hand, if you're a guy who doesn't know how to flirt it's near impossible to attract a woman at all because the vast majority of women need a man to flirt with them to be emotionally drawn to them.



There are many guys out there who are attracted to tomboys or quirky women out there. Just being quirky or more masculine shouldn't be an issue. Maybe you're just looking for guys at the wrong places.

It is true that women that appear unusual and insecure are easy targets for sexual predators, however most of the time you should be able to recognise them and respond accordingly. At least you can get some male attention. After losing my self-confidence entirely it took me ages to realise it was mostly my inability to flirt that made it so damn hard to attract women at all and it's still a pain trying to learn it.



You complain that most of the guys approaching you are sexual predators just out for sex? Cry me a river. That seems like such a non-issue compared with the issues us guys have to deal with....

This is horrifying. I can't believe anyone would say sexual predators are a non-issue compared to anything, let alone difficulties knowing how to flirt.

The arguments about which gender has it worse are not contributing to this topic.

Men reading this: can you just try to understand what we're dealing with that's different than you, without arguing with it, at least on topics that are meant to discuss women's issues? As men are allowed to post in the women's forum, there isn't anywhere we can go to have these sorts of discussions freely.

Which brings me to:
can anyone recommend a good Internet discussion board that's just for ASD women?

I don't like to make up stuff or not tell the complete truth. It really is my downfall I guess you guys are right that I should be less open.

The reason why I say it's a non-issue, is because sexual predators are easy to recognise once you know what to pay attention to. Basically, the more self-confident and smooth a guy is the more likely he's going to be an as*hole and the more likely he's going to be interested in your body alone. If you go for the shy guys and try to pick them up instead, chances of running into a sexual predator are quite small. Also, most geeks would love to date an Aspie woman because Aspie women are easier to relate to. Also, geeks are more likely to find your quirkiness charming. If you go for the somewhat shy somewhat geeky guy instead of the self-confident macho, you shouldn't have any problem finding a guy who's sweet, intelligent, cultured and not too boring.

The female Aspie life sounds so damn easy if you're used to living as a male Aspie. As an Aspie it is incredibly difficult to learn how to flirt and not being able how to flirt as a man is near identical to not being able to attract any woman at all. Flirting is the most subtle and complicated form of communication out there, so it's not something you can just learn in a week. I'd trade a risk of encountering sexual predators any day over being totally ignored by women and needing more than a decade to figure out I would have had a far more stable love life if only I knew how to flirt with an comfort a woman the way she expects.



Then maybe "TheHaywire" should not have made a statement implying Aspie guys have it easy in comparison. I was merely responding to a comment of hers that I found both ignorant and offensive.



I do understand that different genders encounter different problems due to their ASD, however -- as you said yourself -- there is no point in arguing which gender is off worst as such a discussion is quite pointless (there is no way to compare both from a first person's perspective and both perspectives require understanding of the respective gender's psyché) and prone to sexism from both sides. Neither is there a point in having a "women only" or "men only" discussion board both because these tend to be havens for sexism and because this actually limits cross-gender understanding of one another's problems.

Last edited by Salonfilosoof on 28 Jun 2010, 9:20 am, edited 2 times in total.

I'm also very open. I'm just less open to some people than I am to others, depending on how well I know them, how old they are, how they relate to me, how much I can trust them, etc. There's no point in starting to lie or hide insignificant details of your life from others, however it can be very useful to keep some information shielded from some people.... like age-inappropriate activities from underage individuals

Yes, that makes sense. I guess I just don't see where it is a harmful thing. I remember being 13 and I knew a whole hell of a lot of stuff (from books of course). I don't feel like it is necessary to treat children any differently than adults. I tend to treat everyone the same.

I ought to change though before I get in trouble somewhere along the line...