Aspie Girls Awkwardness

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One day you're autistic, the next you're neurotypical and the next you have schizophrenia. Make up your mind; or do you have multiple personalities too?

I am not sure about that.....I am not really shy, Its just very difficult for me to socialize in a way people see as normal which caused me to get picked on a lot so I became afraid to talk to people I don't know unless they talk to me first and actually seem some what intrested in what I might say. But once I get to know someone I am pretty open, though there are some emotions/feelings that are hard for me to verbally express but that's not quite the same thing as shyness.

I don't feel essentially normal, because I was treated kind of badly by people for being different even at an early age, and being an intelligent invidiual I caught on pretty quickly to the fact there was something odd about me. I don't think most neurotypical females would be able to relate to much of what I've dealt with.

What? I never said I had schizophrenia, jeez. My neurological status is "undetermined" at this point and I was simply saying that having aspergers means you'll probably never develop schizophrenia. (By "undetermined", I mean it's fairly likely it's either pre-schizophrenic or autistic.)

(But, I do seem to have the prodrome symptoms so, yes, I'd prefer having aspergers if it was a way to prevent becoming fully schizophrenic.)

Mimicking, I mimic the actions of others. but the more people i am around though the more awkward i become.
Though I cannot mimic well around other aspies, cause i just end up mimicking aspieness and its like a double negative and they'll catch me out.

I've never tried to hide my aspergers. I honestly don't know how, but when people see me by myself, they usually pick "cold and bitchy" over "she has difficulty socializing because she has AS". I'm not physically awkward, so that probably has something to do with it. Also, on the odd occasion where I do speak, it's often seen as rude somehow (?), or it's just information, which, again, apparently translates into me being an arrogant know-it-all. I've certainly never been "cute and shy", and I'm a bit curious as to why others seem to give off this impression.

When I was younger It was really tough for me, I felt extremely awkward to the point where I completely dropped out of mainstream society and withdrew. I didn't get diagnosed until I was about 30 and although I still do feel very awkward I don't really find it unbearable any more and I don't hide it, I just kind of move with it. It's hard to explain, I suppose I've had no choice but to embrace it.

I always thought that apart from my meltdowns, which are less now, but still happen, I came across as quite normal. However, it doesn't seem that way when you have people talking about you and EVERYTHING you do. I play with pens when I'm bored. Sure. I thought a lot of people did this, but obviously not, even though I've seen some NT's do this, but THEY don't get talked about do they? And these people don't even know I have Asperger's! I also once heard some people call me a snob, but I'm not sure if they were joking or not.

I can't really fake normalcy either, but I somehow pass it off, as a friend told me, as "endearingly eccentric." I dress uniquely but fashionably- lots of odd items but I somehow make it look acceptable. Underneath my fashionable exterior lies a nerd who loves Super Mario and Shin Chan. I can socialize well enough to not be awkward in conversation- I can pull off small talk quite well. I do have awkward moments but they are seen as "adorable" or silly. My voice is small and I speak very slowly (I sound like a child), but I'm an outwardly positive person, so I think people generally like being around me. I didn't go out much while in college but was extremely friendly to a lot of acquaintances. I knew almost everybody at school and treated people with respect, so I had a pretty good time in college. I think the whole art school thing helped with people liking me though, honestly. I didn't get any of that in middle or high school. Things do get easier though.

Eh. From my point of view, I behave "normally". (Unless I do something I'd personally classify as bad, for example, not talking to my best friend for weeks. But all the people, including NTs, have these moments).

However, even when I behave normally (from my point of view), people react badly to me. They call me weird, strange, or, at best, boring and annoying. They ask what's wrong with me and one hour to one day after they meet me for the first time, they start ignoring me and ostracizing me and "roll they eyes - at me). THEN, after several months to years of this, they suddenly realize I'm a good person and say something like: "oh, I've had a totally wrong impression of you".

I find that I am more successful mimicing people who are not too socially perfect- I can come across to most as a little odd, but generally normal. I have tried to mimic some of the most socially successful of my career peers, and I would probably have more success convincing people that I was an elephant. But I have found that the real key for me is keeping it pretty superficial with most people--I don't enjoy it, but the alternative is them starting to realize who the real me is and that rarely works out well. People constantly misinterpret me; I'm not sure if that is my failing or theirs or maybe a combination of the two. Apparently familiarity really does breed contempt as applied to me. So long as people don't really know me they tolerate me fairly well. The person I can be the most real with and who is currently my only real friend is also the mother of an eleven-year-old aspie boy

I make people nervous. Not sure why. They always tell me to calm down, and it's so confusing because they tell me even if I AM calm and generally feeling fine.

I hate that so freaking much.....telling me to calm down when I am fairly calm is a good way to make me very uncalm. Another one is sometimes I process things slower so if something causes me discomfort/frustration ect it might take me a minute to 'calm down'.........well don't tell me to calm down while I am calming down or the whole ordeal will start all over again.

I guess it goes both ways for me. I can't read people, but they can't read me. I seriously don't know why I present myself as being constantly nervous. I'm not. I try to speak slower and gesticulate less, and people still tell me to calm down. Or sometimes, when I'm happy and smiling, they tell me to stop being nervous.